Paris Hilton is a Robot
April 5th, 2009 by Kelly
I’ve publicly expressed my theory that Paris Hitlon is a “human” who is slowly but surely turning into a robot– further evidence of which can be found here and here. But I think I might have been a bit off in that accusation. She might be a robot that is slowly but surely turning into a human.
Here, we see Paris at this Friday’s launch of the new JC Penney clothing line I <3 Ronson, sporting her new hand, stolen from the grave of a 60-year-old British man and attached to her metal endoskeleton by an android necromancer. I like how they used a lovely lucite wrist-coupling to cover up the skin-weld marks. Cute!
That JC Penney party has turned out to be a regular goldmine for gossip-worthy snark. Who knew? I’ve never thought that any publicity is good publicity, but I’m actually considering popping into a JC Penney for the first time in years, just to check out this clothing line. I should be very, very ashamed of myself.
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oh my god! her hands are HUGE! perhaps she is a man robot?
eeek! yikes hands are so freaky :(
I think… she might” be.. turning into a … no wait, oh yeah now I see it, she’s turned into a brainless superficial whore. OH Ho, when did this happen?
when she was a zygote…
That hand is disgusting….
XP
Was the Hitlon typo on purpose?
Wow, those are some massive hands. They remind me of the “man hands” episode of Seinfeld.
that’s too funny!
well, charlotte ronson’s real line is super popular, so I bet this one will be too. This is more like when famous designers do a small line for target, or something.
hilton’s wonk looks horrible here. she shouldnt wear so much eye make up; it just draws attention to it
OK, I am noticing a very weird trend here….freak hands! Just last week Nicole Kidman’s hands looked all red and freaky like that so just wtf are these celebs up to? Are they taking some funky new designer drug or some really strange anti-aging treatment that makes your hands look like the crypt keeper’s?
Paris Hilton is a lot of things… like disgusting, for instance. Clap-trap would be another useful adjective to put in that sentence, too.
fuck… noun
I’m buzzed… forgive
Oh god… she has stubby man hands. The most disgusting thing, though, are her feet. They’re massive, boat feet. I can never look away
Regarding JCPenney, I went there randomly the other day for the first time since I was little because I was looking for some swimsuit coverups and I was actually blown away at how cute some of the stuff was…for JCPenney. I ended up leaving with a dress, and it was only like 25 bucks….woot!
“stolen from the grave of a 60-year-old British man and attached to her metal endoskeleton by an android necromancer. ”
Kelly you are awesome
agreed.
Ha ha. That hand thing was brilliant.
old lady scarey hands
I can’t stop staring at it.
Look at her perfectly made up, flawless face.
And then that THING in front of it!
Looks like someone is going overboard with the handjobs!! Pace yourself Paris…pace yourself….
Her hands are scaring me =S
Not even bangs can cover that wonky eye.
robot…ho
you say tomato, i say tomato
I have actual real man hands and they’re still prettier than that, holy shit.
Parasite’s a Fuggy Flapper.. and I am not talking about her worn out flabby diseased nether regions this time., dressed with a modern twist that is sure to be a fashion must this season… somewhere in the universe, perhaps a Stellar black hole., mutter mutter..
Forgot to tan those icky hands, but I don’t think she gives a cracked ass what we we think.
she is so gross
I have always thought she was a pretty girl… but lack taste clothes. She dresses for shit.
I am curious what kind of lip plumper she is using.. cause it really makes her mouth look odd. Sometimes it looks fine then suddenly I see a picture like this where sadly, she has done something to alter its natural appearance.
holy crap, its the elephant in the room — look at her weird fucking neck. YIKES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
thats photoshopped rite? that cant be real…..can it? it really is like an old man hand, a scary boney translucent skinned old man hand.
the thought that any guy would allow him self to be touch romanticly by that hand is unreasonable. that cant be her real hand. i must see further proof!
Gnarly nails. At least get fake ones
aha, it is Madonna’s hand
Geez louise, Paris, put on some damn moisturizer.
Or wear some damn gloves or something, like ladies of Old Hollywood.
look, Paris’s hand is at a bad angle. Get over it. She is so hot the planet’s warming.
Well, if they ever decide to remake Blade Runner….you know who could play Darryl Hannah’s character!!