In just a few days Brit will kick off her Circus Tour in her home state of Louisiana. The first show will be at The New Orleans Arena. 

Her show this time around features a huge “magic” element. Illusionist Ed Alonzo will be making Spears disappear, and reappear. He’ll also be sawing her in half and locking her into provocative contraptions. I don’t know about you, but I’m pretty excited for Britney. She’s got her babies, her old assistant, AND her life seems back on track. I’m not even really a fan of hers, but anybody that can sink to that kind of public low and then rebound gets a straight ‘A’ at Life in my book.

Anybody got plans to actually go see the show?

Amy Winehouse has returned to the U.K just days after her beloved Blaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaake was released from prison. As you may recall, Amy has pledges to mend her marriage with Blake despite blatantly cheating on him with another (much more attractive) man, but Blake’s Mummy, Georgette Civil, is not having it.

‘He feels very let down by his wife and he’s proceeding with a divorce,

‘Amy has behaved like a trollop. Since his release there has been no contact.

‘Blake realised the marriage was doomed some time ago and I don’t believe Amy will get round him now.

‘I never want him to go back to her. It would be bad news. He’s divorcing her because she cheated on him and the sooner the marriage is over the better.’

Trollop, eh? That’s strong words coming from the mother of a man that singlehandly hooked a promising young performer on the hard stuff. It’s not as though he’s exactly blameless in the situation. I’m not sure why Amy is so bent on saving this crapfest in the first place – especially after she said this:

In an interview last month, Amy admitted she had ‘forgotten’ she was even married.

She said: ‘Our whole marriage was based on drugs anyway. He looks like me – a right mess. Almost every time I slept with him it was like I was dead.’

This is not going to end until one of them is dead. They’re like star crossed lovers, or they would be if Romeo and Juliet had been drug-addled, disillusioned, underweight, media whores with an acute aversion to bathing.

An organization called “Angels in Waiting” offered Suleman FREE 24-hour childcareand a home for her and her children to live in and she turned them down flat. The group, fronted by attorney Gloria Allred, gave Nadya till Thurs, Feb. 26th to make a decision. To recap – Suleman is a single, unemployed mother of 14, who lives with her increasingly irate parents, and has no immediate prospects for a secure financial future. She even told Dr. Phil that the hospital probably won’t release the babies until she can prove that she can adequately care for the preemies and provide housing. 

So why turn down an organization that wants to give you both of those things for free? 

Well because it might endanger her chances at getting a reality show, of course!

According to Allred, “Linda explained to her that Angels in Waiting would not agree to that [a TV show] because of their concern for possible infections that the infants might incur with camera equipment and many other people in the home in addition to the many professionals who would be with the children providing the care.  Linda did not wish to risk the health of the little ones.”

Pssssst! Nadya! This is why so many people think you’re an opportunistic walking uterus! Try thinking about the babies instead of about how you can make money off them.

The Jonas Brothers are very sad. They’ve been abandoned in their time of need.

Jonas Brothers: The 3D Experience is playing on approximately 1,200 3D and IMAX theaters where the tickets are $15-18 a pop and they still barely managed to rake in 4.8 million on opening day by industry estimates. Where execs once were hoping for a 30 million premiere weekend, they’re willing to settle for a measly 17 – 20mil.

The bros must be feeling especially low when they consider that Miley’s concert movie had a 8.7 million dollar opening day while playing on half as many screens. Bummer.

Siegfried and Roy returned to the stage to perform a signature illusion and raise money for charity. The pair performed with the massive white tiger Montecore, also known as the tiger that mauled Roy some 5 years ago and left him partially paralyzed.

After the incident, Siegfried and Roy’s show, which ran for 13 years with over 5,000 performances went dark, and the illusionists went into semi-retirement. Their performance last night was the highlight of a benefit for the Cleveland Clinic Lou Ruvo Center for Brain Health.

I can’t believe that tiger is still around! I thought it was general practice that once a tiger attacks a human they’re put down. Roy’s recovery has been amazing, and I give him props for sharing the stage with the animal that crushed his windpipe, but no way in hell would you catch me in that situation.

Once the tiger attempts to eat my face, that tiger and I can no longer be friends.

Carmen Electra started out shakin her ass for Prince. After that, she got naked for Playboy, people started paying her to talk on shows like Singled Out and Baywatch, and now slowly but surely she’s sunk back to the original career low of shaking her ass for a man with a guitar.

Hopefully she will gather up her dignity and fade quietly into obscurity instead of pulling a Pamela Anderson and miming taking a dump on a runway in a glorified cocktail waitress uniform for a buck.