The Simpsons are about to make history.  They just picked up a two-year renewal which will make The Simpsons the longest running series in primetime.  Ever.

What show holds the record as of today?  Do you know?  Hint:  it was on-air for twenty years.

Answer after the jump.

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I know this story comes from The Enquirer, but I have a feeling it’s true.  Or I’m just projecting and hope it’s true.  Though Drew’s sweet potato face (not to be confused with sweet, potato face) on those Cover Girl ads annoys me, she can’t stand John Mayer.  That is a stance I can support.

Drew Barrymore is begging Jennifer Aniston to dump John Mayer, telling her: “You can do better!” says a friend of the actresses.

The two beauties – recent co-stars in the hit He’s Just Not That Into You – had a recent heart-to-heart talk about the commitment-phobic rocker, pals say, with Drew urging Jen to keep looking because John’s using her to boost his career.

“Drew told Jen she could do way better and she’d be a fool to settle for him,” a close pal told The ENQUIRER.

“The first time Jen introduced twice-divorced Drew to John, they clashed,” added the source.

“They bickered for so long that Jen had to step in and change the subject.”

Over the past 10 months, Drew has heard all of Jen’s horror stories about 31-year-old John’s roving eye, how he blabs about his love life and how he refuses to discuss marriage or children, added the source.

When quizzed recently about what dating advice she gives to girlfriends, Drew revealed: “Don’t coddle your friends, help them grow. Stop repeating those bad patterns. If he doesn’t make you feel good, get out!”

“And even though Jen is crazy in love with John, I think a part of her is worried that Drew may be right.”

Jerry’s back with a new show based on marriage.  With the working title of The Marriage Ref, it has one of the most terrifying concepts I’ve heard in awhile.  Picture this:  celebrities and athletes will observe couples in the midst of marital discord and-I’m not sure if I can even communicate this with a straight face-counsel and advise the married folk on how to solve their issues.

I personally would consider any relationship advice doled out by a celebrity or athlete the equivalent of inviting dysentery into my life.

Hey, I didn’t call her a “wharf rat.”  I’m just trying to be supportive and agreeable here!

Private Practice star, Kate Walsh appears in the March issue of Redbook and talks about the dissolution of her marriage.  This is it in a nutshell:  When she got married, she didn’t think she would be getting divorced.  She is known for being very persistent and trying, trying, trying.  She got divorced after fifteen months.  She still cares about her ex-husband.  She was sad.  She’s dating.  She’s an insecure and desperate, quivering wharf rat.  She wishes she could call guys and hang up but can’t because of caller ID.  She longs for the days of being able to stalk dudes.

Kate obviously hasn’t heard of Facebook.  Because I stalk my legions of exes on there.  I love when they look really bad and defeated by life.  Oh, I meant to say that I hope they are happy.  Sigh…see why I could never be a celebrity?

You know how Paula Abdul always appears completely whacked out of her mind on American Idol?  It can no longer be blamed on drugs.  Nope, the Paula you are watching this season is like a pile of fine Colombian-pure and unaltered.

In an OK! interview, Paula tells of the surgery she had this past summer that has changed her life:

For the first time in 12 years, I am pain free. I had my 15th surgery to correct my back and neck problems last August and it worked. Finally! I had a new doctor who tried a new procedure and because of that I’m a new woman. I may have to have one more surgery in the spring but after all this, I can handle it.

Not only is she pain-free, she’s (allegedly!) drug-free as well.  And her audience has noticed the difference (?):

Not only am I pain free, but I am pain-medication free. I weaned myself off everything I’d been taking. There were times in the last few years when I was at an American Idol taping and was in so much agony, I’d tell the guys I wasn’t sure I could do it. It’s great to know that viewers can see how much better I am now.

In addition, Paula feels that new judge Kara DioGuardi doesn’t fit in:  “Kara and I have known each other for years and we get along great.  But we tried four judges before and it doesn’t work. It takes up so much time for each of us to give our opinion that it slows down the pace of the show.”

This is the last year of Paula’s contract and she has indicated that she may be moving on.  Translation:  the one and only reason to watch American Idol is about to leave the building.

Albatross judge, Kara, released a statement, as if we’d expect anything else:  “Paula has a right to her opinions, but I was disappointed by her comments, and hurt that she did not address them to me in person.”

She also suggested a sing-off between the two.  Okay.  Not really.

Sooooo, the U.S. government totally screwed me over by scheduling Obama’s speech on Tuesday. Idol had to move to Wednesday, and I was not expecting that. I had a bunch of other stuff scheduled for tonight, so I won’t be able to do the typical long-form Idol recap this week. But DON’T WORRY. I have plenty to say, and I’m going to make my points, I’ll just do it in shorter form. Here are my thoughts:

1) I think it’s interesting that they didn’t interview the contestants’ families on the red couch like they did last week. It was SO ANNOYING and it didn’t work AT ALL, and the producers obviously noticed that and implemented the change right away. THANK GOODNESS.

2) After seven seasons of having the judges talk in the order of Randy, Paula, Simon, now they’re switching it up so a different judge starts each time. I don’t quite get that. I liked that Simon always went last. I wonder whose idea it was to make that change. Kara’s?

3) I cannot believe how drugged up Paula is. Cannot believe it. Doesn’t she ever watch the tapes of herself and realize how ridiculous she looks? It’s mind-blowing that they keep renewing her contract so that she can go on live television and slur like the underage girl in the bar five minutes before she flashes the bartender.

4) Kara’s bracelet tonight? Is totally from Nicole Richie’s House of Harlow line. It’s on the Kitson website here. I turned to my friend the first instant they showed Kara and said, “I know that bracelet. It’s from Nicole Richie’s line.” And for that I am duly ashamed.

5) Allison Iraheta is probably going to win this whole competition. Un. Fucking. Believable. For a sixteen-year-old? What a natural. I’m in love. She even looks a little like Kelly Clarkson, and she came out of nowhere and gave me chills, just like Kelly did during her very first Idol performance. She’s definitely my favorite so far.

6) I really don’t think Megan Joy Corkrey is very good at all. Her performance was awful and the way she bops around on stage is embarrassing. I think the judges went easy on her because she’s so pretty, and we lost Casey Carlson last week, and it’s important for ratings that we have a total hottie in the Top 12. They should have torn her a new asshole, but they’re secretly hoping she sticks around to be eye candy.

7) I find Jesse Langseth to be super duper annoying. And I can’t believe the judges commented on how her look was an improvement. WTF did she look like before? That one-shoulder shirt was cheap and ugly and she was wearing the wrong bra — her tits were practically down around her waist.

8) So is Adam Lambert gay or what?

9) Love Nick Mitchell. LOVE him. (Not as much as I love Allison though.)

10) Jeanine Vailes is the reason they invented rhinoplasty. The instant she gets booted off the show tomorrow, that girl needs to run, not walk, to the nearest plastic surgeon and get that shit taken care of.

In summary, I think the three that get through will be Allison, Nick and Adam. I have a feeling we’re going to be looking at a male-intensive Top 12 this year, unless the producers pull some strings and make sure the wild cards are all girls, which I’m sure is exactly what they’re going to do.

Who did you guys vote for?

The former actor, who used to have a career that mattered, has apparently been writing storylines for the WWE recently, but word on the street is that he got fired for leaking storylines to the press.

The official reason for his release is that he couldn’t keep up with the demanding schedule, but inside sources say Vince McMahon was furious with the amount of information being leaked to the press, and he thought Freddie might be involved.

Wow, Freddie must be pretty desperate for work. His only films last year were the indie flop Jack & Jill vs. The World and the animated Delgo, which was the lowest-earning wide-release film ever. And he’s got nada on the agenda for 2009. His wife, Sarah Michelle Gellar, hasn’t been doing much better career-wise either. They can fade into obscurity together! How quaint!

Thanks Jason!