I don’t even know why, but, for the past few days, I’ve just been listening to Kelly Clarkson’s “My Life Would Suck Without You” and Pink’s “Sober” over and over and over again on a loop in Rhapsody. They’re both just kick-ass songs that I can’t get enough of. And clearly the rest of the country agrees, as Kelly will have the #1 single in the country this week.

She’s also setting the record for the largest jump to the #1 spot. She debuted at #97 last week.

Her full album drops March 17, and I cannot wait!!!!

“It’s Gordon… Gordon Ramsay?”

Paris Hilton in response to the question “Who is the Prime Minister of the UK?”  Yes, Paris, very good.  Gordon Ramsay, as PM of the UK, awards Michelin stars to distinguished British military personnel too.

OK! has written an entire article based on this photograph.  Like me, they totally diagnose celebrities as pregnant based solely on pictures.  Ultrasounds are, like, so unnecessary nowadays.  It’s clear Katie Holmes is pregnant based on the fact that Tom Cruise has his hand on her stomach.  I made a similar prediction a couple weeks ago based on Nicole Richie looking jubilant and announcement making-ish.

Actually, the hand on stomach is a Hollywood thing.  When I was pregnant, my husband wasn’t even allowed to make eye contact with me.  Or sleep in bed with me.  Or know where I was living.

As I sign off for the day, a personal yet somewhat related note:  Nine years ago today, my life forever changed.  I experienced the joy of giving birth to my first son.  If you have a soft spot for hyper-intelligent nine-year-olds, I’d love it if you’d post a “Happy Birthday” to him on my blog (Beet was nice enough to link in sidebar).  He already thinks he’s a celebrity after your comments on the Grandpa Sam video.  Seriously, he recently presented me with a rider chock-full of lunch box requirements.

Russell Brand has shared new revelations about his favorite hobby, and no, it’s not experimenting with eyeliner.  He sleeps with three women a day.  I can’t find a way to exercise three times a month, but he fucks every eight hours.  And I don’t mean that he has a rotating line-up of two or three women.  Ninety.  Different.  Women.  Each.  Month.  Whatever.

I don’t understand the allure of this modern day Wilt Chamberlain.  Attractive?  No.  Funny?  Absolutely not.  Hygenic?  Rhetorical.  Are there really that many fame whores out there to keep up his endless supply of pussy?  Does he have a sex scheduler who makes all the hotel reservations?  These are the questions that keep me awake at night; I have to know how this obsessive screwing works.

Brand has a long history of alcohol and substance abuse yet claims to be clean since 2002.  His Wikipedia page lists him as a recovering sex addict.  Time for an update!

He’s currently filming The Tempest with Helen Mirren, a woman he admits he’d like to “cuddle in a bra” with.  Wow, he really is an addict.

What the hell is wrong with Paris Hilton?  I know this is such an open-ended question so let me clarify.  I’m not referring to her sequined smiley face dress, nor her disfigured frame which has officially met the criteria for bobblehead status.  I’m not even talking about the picture in the gallery where she’s giving Lady Gaga an “I’m totally goin’ Lohan on you” look, or the one where she’s humping a wall.

No, my query relates to the dude that she’s totally impaling with her pelvic bones.  His name is George Sampson; he’s a dancer and 2008 winner of Britain’s Got Talent.  He’s fifteen.

Ashlee Simpson is on the warpath, defending big sister Jessica.  Here’s the part of her tiring tirade that I did marginally agree with:

Since when did a woman’s weight become newsworthy?  A week after the inauguration and with such a feeling of hope in the air for our country, I find it completely embarrassing and belittling to all women to read about a woman’s weight or figure.  All women come in different shapes, sizes, and forms and just because you’re a celebrity, there shouldn’t be a different standard.

She also claimed that one would never be so mean to a friend or relative in real life.  Actually, that’s where she’s wrong.  Because if any friend of mine, weighing more than 109 pounds, is seen in high-waisted jeans and/or a bad bra, they should basically expect that I’ll be staging an intervention for them.

Ashlee whined, “How can we expect teenage girls to love and respect themselves in an environment where we criticize a size 2 figure?”  I don’t know Ashlee but the next time I see a size two figure, I’ll be sure to be kind.  What does this have to do with Jessica?

Britney Spears’ website has released some photos of her rehearsing in preparation of her upcoming Circus tour.   It kicks off March 3rd in New Orleans.

Obama is in office and Britney Spears is hot again.  It’s like all is right in the world again.