Remember the California baby factory who just gave birth to octuplets?  More information is now being released about the family and it’s scary.  Like, flip your uterus inside out scary.  I feel like I’m being Punk’d hearing about these people; is this even real?

The mom is thirty-three, unmarried and lives with her parents.  She has six other children, including a set of twins, that are seven, six, five, three and two.  Fourteen children under the age of eight.  And the mother’s father is headed to Iraq to work as a contractor so he can help support this mess o’ children.  I hope his annual salary is, like, $450,000.

Do you think this woman is the reproductive equivalent of a plastic surgery addict?  Maybe she’s maxed out all her credit cards on IVF attempts and she’s still planning on more.

Do you think one woman and her mom are enough to raise fourteen children that are no more than seven years apart?  Even with all the free diapers, vacations and college educations that will be thrown at these kids, can they ever get sufficient individual attention and care?  The answer is no.

Kate Gosselin must be racing to the fertility clinic right now and begging the doctor to load her up.  But seriously, she’s got nothing to worry about.  This crazy lady is going to need her own station.

While totally sober Amy Winehouse continues to fuck and fucking annoy all the tourists in the Caribbean, her home in Camden was burgled.  According to police, the robbers stole guitars and recording equipment and left the scene before the police arrived.

According to her rep, Amy is very upset over the theft.  Of course she is; those valuables would have brought her lots of drug money, you know, when she pawned them.  Looks like she was beat to the punch.

Question:  why are people still talking about Amy Winehouse?

I think the writers over at Page Six have officially lost their minds.  They did a photo gallery titled “50 Fat Celebrities”.  So, I took a look, and sandwiched in among the likes of Kirstie Alley and Kathy Bates is Elisha Cuthbert.  You know, the hot, blond chick from 24?  I mean, did they just hit a point where they couldn’t think of anyone else so they just threw in some random picture?  Dudes, how about Raven Fucking Symone?  Raven I Love My Curves Symone dodged this bullet and Cuthbert, who admittedly does have some slightly unfortunate knee fat, is one of the top 50 fattest?

I’m feeling kind of depressed today and so did not need to wake up to this.  In fairness, I don’t know how old this picture of Elisha in a bikini is, but I have some in the gallery of Elisha over the past few months.  If this is the definition of fat, I’m scheduling my gastric bypass, stat.  Ah, poetry, and on only two hours of sleep.  You’re welcome.

My other issue is that they had dead dudes on the list like Elvis, Marlon Brando and Orson Welles.  It is my opinion that, once you kick off, you no longer have the privilege of a “Fat Celeb” title.

Other fatty title-holders include Kelly LeBrock, Rachel Hunter, Danielle Fishel and, yup, Jessica Simpson.

So, one of the plastic surgery websites recently ran a piece suggesting that Lady GaGa had a nose job recently. You can see their compare pic above.

To aid you guys in your diagnosis, I have posted in the thumbnails a bunch of pics of Lady GaGa before she had her signature look (well, she wasn’t blonde yet, but she already had the slutty thing down pat) — these pics are taken from Lollapalooza in 2007. The second set is of her commanding the DJ booth at some London club with Paris Hilton just this week.

What do you think?

Nose job or no?

Thanks Anthony!

Seriously, you guys, how often do we have to do this? A female celebrity gains twenty pounds, stops looking uber-hot, the whole world calls her fat, then the whole world throws a fit about body image, then the fat girl thanks her fans and acts like she loves her body, then she loses thirty pounds and drops her fiance. Because everything was totally fine before. Sigh.

Up now: Jessica Simpson.

In her first performance since the flap over her figure, Jessica Simpson strutted across a Virginia stage in skin-tight leather pants Thursday night and lamented the world’s “completely pointless” focus.

“Thank you for your support,” she told the crowd in Charlottesville at the end of her set. “Stay positive, and pray out loud! I love you guys, good night.”

Simpson, 28, never specifically mentioned the news of her new curves or the vocal support from her sister Ashlee and Kim Kardashian.

But in her performance opening for Rascal Flatts at the University of Virginia’s John Paul Jones Arena, Simpson was no-nonsense and outspoken in her black pants, V-neck T-shirt and hip-length black jacket.

“Please remember, no matter what you go through in life, somebody else might have it harder,” she told the crowd. “So just appreciate.”

Yes, Jessica, somebody else might have it harder … their abs, specifically.

You better BELIEVE Jess is gonna drop that weight and then some over the next couple of months, so I don’t wanna hear any of y’all like, “She looks great, I bet she’s happier than ever and loves her womanly body!” because you know what? She doesn’t.

The House Bunny star and total plastic surgery victim (seriously, does anyone remember what she used to look like?) got engaged to her boyfriend, actor Chris Pratt, late last year, her rep confirms.

Anna filed for divorce from her previous husband, also a no-name actor, in April 2007.

Better luck this time around, Anna! Hopefully you won’t have to change your whole face again!

Lady GaGa looks like she overdid it a bit, as she’s helped out of a London club and onto her tour bus.

That’s one hell of an outfit!

GaGa’s lost some weight since she hit the big time, that’s for sure.

I have a feeling this is someone we’re going to see on Celebrity Rehab in, oh, about a year.