You’d Look Like This Too If You Had Already Had Sex Twice Before Dinner

January 28th, 2009 by Wendie


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Russell Brand has shared new revelations about his favorite hobby, and no, it’s not experimenting with eyeliner.  He sleeps with three women a day.  I can’t find a way to exercise three times a month, but he fucks every eight hours.  And I don’t mean that he has a rotating line-up of two or three women.  Ninety.  Different.  Women.  Each.  Month.  Whatever.

I don’t understand the allure of this modern day Wilt Chamberlain.  Attractive?  No.  Funny?  Absolutely not.  Hygenic?  Rhetorical.  Are there really that many fame whores out there to keep up his endless supply of pussy?  Does he have a sex scheduler who makes all the hotel reservations?  These are the questions that keep me awake at night; I have to know how this obsessive screwing works.

Brand has a long history of alcohol and substance abuse yet claims to be clean since 2002.  His Wikipedia page lists him as a recovering sex addict.  Time for an update!

He’s currently filming The Tempest with Helen Mirren, a woman he admits he’d like to “cuddle in a bra” with.  Wow, he really is an addict.


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47 Responses to “You’d Look Like This Too If You Had Already Had Sex Twice Before Dinner”

  1. Valentine says:

    I would NEVER! Ew!

  2. Lillián says:

    Bitch, please! Hahah, why do all these guys are always talking about how much they get laid?? Ugghhh.

  3. yum says:

    He looks like Charles Manson, but creepy.

  4. Alice says:

    You know how if you’re having a walk in the park and come across a huge crowd of people forming a tight gawking circle around something, you have to find out what it is, regardless of how shit the end result might be? Same principle. The guy is a lothario. I’ll do the mattress mambo with him just to find out what all the fuss is about!

  5. Lara says:

    that is DISGUSTING. and he is DISGUSTING. and I can’t believe that someone is besmirching Shakespeare’s holy name by putting HIM in a movie based on “The Tempest”. I absolutely refuse to see it now. IF someone that vulgar is going to be in it…
    Not to mention the film sounds like crap to begin with. “ProsperA”? Stupid, stupid, stupid.

  6. hannah says:

    russell brand is absolutely hilarious and incredibly sexy…maybe because i’m from england i get his appeal & american’s just don’t haha :)
    i love how you said he claims to have been clean lol…he has :) read his autobiography (which was a worldwide best seller) and you will see for youself !
    haha i love him.

    • Kirsten says:

      Totally agree.
      Love him too.

    • me says:

      Maybe it IS because you’re from england, hannah.. thank you for keeping your trash on your side of the pond russell

    • Co.Cat says:

      I’m from England too Hannah and I couldn’t agree more!
      I find him strangely attractive just because he’s so quirky.. and he is SO funny. I just think it’s one of those cultural things.. if you didn’t grow up with that humor then you don’t get it. But he always makes me CRY with laughter. :) What a legend.

  7. FreckleFace says:

    I’ve always had a thing for Russell Brand…yum!

  8. Jeremy says:

    I think I would see it just for Helen Mirren.

  9. PoliteTia says:

    What country does this guy live in where AIDS, Herpes, and Chlamydia don’t exist? This was not worth a post!
    Russell Brand is not a role model. He is just the befor picture in an adverstiment for the needs for disinfectant wipes. The sad part is that thousand of beautiful, young women are already lined up for him.

  10. Chuck says:

    Like most guys, I’m sure he’s lying.

  11. Persistent Cat says:

    I think he’s hilarious and just out for a laugh and that’s why I think he’s lying. It’s just too preposterous to be true.

  12. Just Saying says:

    There was always a Ghey-Vibe about the lad. Covering up some shit, for reals…

  13. Pikki Nikki Polka Pants says:

    i bet he smells like cheese. : /

  14. David says:

    He’s such a liar.
    There is no way in hell he could bang 3 women a day.
    He couldn’t be able to do anything else.
    And he’s ugly as shit.
    He’s not even mildly attractive or interesting.
    Gag me.

    • trollydolly says:

      Actually he’s very funny, witty, intelligent and sexy in a dirty way. His stand up routine is very original.

  15. julia says:

    My MOTHER has a crush on him. For reals.

  16. Rachel says:

    I would want to cuddle with Helen Mirren too! She was crazy in her day and has great boobs, especially for someone her age. Yeah, I’m jealous :(

  17. Snowdevil says:

    He could be incredibly hot. I’d do him in a heartbeat, but not before a very long bath in a very large vat of disinfectant.

  18. GetYourAdverbsHere says:

    He’s not my type, but I have to admit he’s certainly not ugly by any means. The stupid hair and stupid jokes (including this one about sleeping with three women per day) are easy to look past. Google his image and you’ll see homeboy cleans up well and takes a mean photo sometimes.

  19. Beet Groupie says:

    If the hair up top looks like that can you imagine the mess “down unda”?

    Maybe that’s why he can’t get the same woman to lay him twice.

  20. ThatLisa says:

    I would never sleep with anyone who even claimed that they slept with this many people. I mean… how special would you feel? So not worth the risk of disease.

  21. S says:

    how can there be fame whores for him if he’s not even FAMOUS. seriously, half the people i know are like who the ef is this guy? he looks like a homeless person. i dont believe for a second that he’s getting that much

  22. slouchy says:

    Yuck. Not even if he an entire body condom.

  23. slouchy says:

    Shit. Insert

  24. Rita says:

    I honestly think he does that nest on top because his hair would be really feminine if he didn’t. Honestly, look how perfect his curls are. I would kill for that.

  25. Tracy says:

    He slays me. I love to watch him because he’s a complete fucking train wreck. I think he goes for the shock-and-laughter value more than anything. I doubt seriously that he was being 100% serious.

  26. Bella says:

    Yucky. I met him in Primrose hill once….he’s even uglier in person…especially without all the makeup he’s wearing here. I do not, repeat do not see his appeal…how does anyone else!!!??

  27. sandy says:

    That’s gonna hurt to comb out.

  28. Sehz says:

    Zomg. I love me some Russell Brand. I just think his sense of humor isn’t for everyone… But anyways, I would- more than three times a day.

  29. kmaypottery says:

    His wiki page needs to list him as a compulsive liar. This is such crap!

  30. Seb says:

    90 women a month. That’s exhausting. I’d rather be doing things, working, chilling out, rather than having crazy hot sex all the damn time. Seriously.

  31. peace&&green says:

    i dont know why,
    but i actually like him.
    i mean, he doesnt disgust me.
    im not british,
    so you cant accuse me of being prejudiced.
    im asian, thankyou.

    • Snowdevil says:

      Maybe it’s his awesome bone structure? That’s what I noticed right off the bat – and I had never heard of him before today.

  32. ThatLisa says:

    ugh I hope he takes 90+ showers a month too

  33. Hallie says:

    Eh, I think he’s funny. I don’t care who he sleeps with.

  34. Ziggy says:

    Ew it’s that creepy Greek greaseball from AI4. Yuk.

  35. Judy says:

    A prime candidate for AIDS. Keep it up, Russell. No pun intended.

  36. what the hell this fuckin guy looks like a wearwolf who had sex 7 times before dinner why would he even put that pic up if hes so damn ugly

  37. ABRAXAS says:

    The boy is hot!.
    If Americans see anything that is not all blond and Prodent….they get squeamish. This guy has wit and a sex appeal. More than enough.
    Dont be hatin’ on him ‘cuz he aint wearin AberZombie and Gap,

  38. dpr says:

    unfunnniest guy on the planet since Dane Cook.

    and I’ve been on safari.

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