I’m truly not trying to shake your faith in mankind but there does seem to be a theft and betrayal theme to the celebrity news stories tonight.

Darryl McCauley, manager to comedian Dane Cook, was arrested today on larceny and forgery charges.  In one incident, McCauley allegedly transferred $3 million from Cook’s account into his own.  It goes to show you how stupid criminals can be.  Did he really think Dane wouldn’t notice $3 million missing? 

Stealing from your boss is bad enough but here’s the real Happy Holidays for you:  Did I mention that McCauley is Dane Cook’s brother?  Yes, the fuck over came from his very own flesh and blood.

Kevin Bacon’s rep, Allen Eichorn, confirms that his client and wife Kyra Sedgwick are victims of Bernie Madoff’s Ponzi scheme.  There have been rumors that they lost everything except their checking account.  Normally, I’d find that hard to believe.  Bacon was smart enough not to make a Footloose 2 and I’d like to think he’d be smart enough to not entrust his fortune to any one human being.   Eichorn responded to the rumors by saying  “Please, let’s not speculate or rely on hearsay.”  Seriously, that doesn’t sound too reassuring.

How much do you think Kristin Cavallari had to pay the paparazzi to photograph her getting off her flight in Miami today?

Or were they already at the airport to wait for someone else?

She probably spent the last hour of the flight perfecting that rumpled, just-got-off-an-airplane look.

“Our seven-year-old rips it, man. He’s fantastic, so good. It’s really humiliating – but we’re really proud of him.”

Brad Pitt, talking to Hello! magazine about how he and Angelina are struggling to learn French, while Maddox is already nearly fluent.

They pick up languages so fast at that age!

Plus, research shows that learning a second language before the age of 12 makes it much easier to pick up additional languages later in life. This is why American schools need to mandate foreign language courses in elementary and middle schools, rather than waiting until high school to teach kids other languages! Get on the ball, America!

Despite the fact that EVERYONE hates Balthazar Getty’s relationship with Sienna Miller — and the tension it’s causing on the set of Brothers & Sisters has Balthazar’s job in jeopardy! — the two are still out and about together. They were caught this week canoodling in Mexico City while trying to hide from the paparazzi.

If you feel like you have to hide what you’re doing, don’t do it!!!

People magazine won the bidding war for the first pics of Bristol Palin’s baby — for a $300K price tag, reportedly.

According to one source, bidding for the baby photos began at $100,000. People won out in the end, but In Touch was the only other weekly to make serious bids, according to several sources involved in the process.

The price didn’t soar immediately, according to the sources, because Sarah Palin stories just didn’t sell all that well for the weeklies on newsstands.

“Sarah was on the cover of People, Us Weekly, and OK! the same week, and really only People saw a bump in sales,” says a source.

The drug-related arrest of Johnston’s mother, however, caused the price tag for the photos to go up.

“The bidding started well before the baby was born, but once Levi’s mom was arrested — well, then you had a story,” says one editor.

What do you guys think Bristol and Levi will do with the cash? I mean, you can’t buy class, and I have a feeling this kid ain’t going to college, so they’ll probably just buy a bunch of cars.

Take that, Benjamin Button!

Marley & Me topped the box office at $36.3 million this weekend, while Benjamin Button fell to the #3 slot (behind Bedtime Stories). It’s notable that Button is longer than Marley and showed in about 500 fewer theaters, but Marley still had a higher per-screen take ($10,450 to $8,987).

Looks like theater-goers would rather get their holiday cheer from a desperate and childless bachelorette and a suicidal alcoholic, just so long as they’re aging in the right direction.

Congrats to Jen and Owen!