Reese Witherspoon has been doing press for that horrible movie Four Christmases.  I won’t even watch the trailer on TV because of that puking baby scene.  I have three kids and do not find baby vomit even mildly entertaining.  Also, I think it’s funny that she has not done any appearances or interviews with her co-star Vince Vaughn.  Could it be more obvious that those two hated one another?

Anyway, when asked about Christmas with her own kids, Reese told BBC that her kids like getting screwed over at the holidays.  Let me quote this so I get it right:  “I think kids do best when they only have a couple of things that they really enjoy. I try and stay away from the gluttony of things. They don’t appreciate it as much. When they only get one or two things they really like it.”

Reese, I get it.  You’re really rich and holier-than-thou and you make your kids give 98% of what they receive to charity.  It’s true; privileged kids don’t deserve stuff.  But please, Saint Reese, don’t tell us that they like getting only one or two things.  Because they don’t.  I promise.  Did you ever watch Mommie Dearest?  That’s one of the key scenes:  Christina having to donate all her birthday presents save one doll.  And she grew up to be one pissed off chick.  Prepare for your tell-all in about 22 years.

but Brit was on X Factor tonight.  I know you are probably totally Womanizer-ed out but which night do you think she did the best?  Clip above is tonight, she also performed on Thursday in Germany and Friday in Paris.  Perez says tonight was the worse of the three.  Per my usual, I 100% disagree and think she has improved with each performance.  Thoughts?  Your in-depth analysis is critical.  I think she’s on her way back.

Is it wrong that I have had her documentary on my DVR schedule for the past two weeks?

 

Here’s the deal:  I never liked Uggs.  I didn’t own a pashmina.  Skinny jeans and Ed Hardy tees weren’t ever my thing.  I don’t do Kabbalah and I haven’t had twins.  Even growing up, everyone was wearing neon Champion sweatshirts with matching Reebok high-tops and I was all about the feathers on a roach clip worn in my hair.  They wore Z. Cavariccis, I wore Jordache.  For chrissakes, I was passionately in love with Barry Gibb…in, like, 1987.  And today.  I just don’t fit in…never did.

To further illustrate my social ineptness, I think back to the pioneers of music.  I didn’t love them all but they made a difference.  Chuck Berry, Elvis Presley, The Beatles, The Stones.  Who am I forgetting? I’m sure many great artists.  Oh, Duran Duran…total pioneers.  But I watch Miley Cyrus and I just Do.  Not.  Get.  It.  She is the colonic of the pop world…everybody thinks she’s great and I just remain confused as to her purpose.

Here is Miley performing on the U.K. show X Factor Saturday night.

Do you know who Jon Peters is?  Even if you do, here’s a brief thumbnail sketch of this idiot to refresh your memory: He was Barbra Streisand’s hairdresser and then was promoted to her boyfriend.  And then a record producer.  Have you ever noticed how men’s careers flourish after fucking Barbra Streisand?  Well…except for Elliot Gould.  And Don Johnson.  And James Brolin.  Eh…never mind.  Back to Jon Peters and his ascent to assholedom.  His stint in the music biz was the inspiration for the book Hit and Run:  How Jon Peters and Peter Gruber Took Sony For A Ride In Hollywood.  Can you even believe that is an actual book?  For his tenth incarnation, he became a movie producer.  Not just any movie producer.  The one who is known for proclaiming that Superman must never appear in a movie flying or in costume again because it was “too faggy.”  I’m not making this shit up.  In a nutshell, the guy is a total whack.

So, a couple of years ago, he was sued by one of his assistants.  Bitch got upset because he kept offering her money for sex.  And threatened to kill her and her kid if she told. 

Then he fired one of his producers who refused to have his pregnant wife get an abortion.   

For the newest in Jon Peters offensiveness, he is being sued for groping and having others, at his request, grope his male co-producer on the upcoming Superman: Man of Steel.  He also threatened people on the movie set if they didn’t cover up his actions of sexual impropriety in front of children. 

Do we see a pattern here?  Groping, threatening, suing.  If this shit is true, how has he not faced any criminal charges?  I guess because his “I’ll break your fucking legs” threats are effective.  Most inappropriate dude…like…ever.

Finally, a couple I can stand!  Orlando Bloom and Victoria’s Secret Model Miranda Kerr are engaged and planning a wedding for next summer.  I need these two to get on the procreating right away.  I cannot even fathom what the genetics of these two could possibly produce.

Thanks Down Unda!

Whitney Houston has released an official statement denying Bobby Brown reconciliation rumors.  Uh…what?  I scanned the original story (the one where “unnamed sources” said Bobby and Whitney totally, definitely, possibly could be getting back together) a few days ago and then immediately drank a bottle of rubbing alcohol in an attempt to obliterate the memory.  Or vodka…it might have been vodka.  Either way, I am very relieved to hear it was a BS story.  I may be a couple of days late but Whitney’s denial is what I am most thankful for. 

I’m convinced that paps just make up these stories during slow news times, i.e. the holidays.  I’m thinking at Christmas, we should expect headlines such as “Amy Winehouse Opts For Water Without Scotch!”  Or “Posh Spice Eats!”  You know, something completely unbelievable.

I guess the big story is that $125,000 in jewelry, lent to Winona Ryder for a Marie-Claire photo shoot, has gone missing.  The first version of this disaster was that Ryder reported the bracelet and ring missing after she gave them to a hotel employee to put in the safe.  Of course there were no surveillance tapes of that exchange happening and the story has now changed.  New reports are surfacing stating that she left jewelry and clothes from the shoot in her hotel room when she checked out because no one from Marie-Claire came by to collect them.  Seriously, just left the stuff in the room.  Like, where is her responsibility in this?  The dress and shoes weren’t stolen from the hotel room.  Just the diamonds natch.

And I’m over here in the corner thinking “Who the FUCK thought it was a good idea to loan over 100k in jewelry to Winona Ryder?  Do we actually forget her chewing inventory sensors off of satin hair bows in Barneys dressing room?  I wouldn’t loan this chick a Bic.”  Now listen, I have no idea if she stole the gems or not.  I’m merely suggesting that a felon with a propensity for prescription drugs may not be the one you leave unattended with Bulgari diamonds.

And yes, the bracelet in the picture is the AWOL bracelet.