This shit is bananas!

B-A-N-A-N-A-S!

So now we’re hearing reports that the chick who made the 911 call to police about Heather Locklear driving drunk was none other than Jill Ishkanian, that chick who got fired from Us Weekly and then hacked into their computer system. After calling in the tip, Jill tipped off her paparazzi buddies, who got the shots of Heather’s arrest and sold them to TMZ for $27,000.

This is soooo fucked up.

And probably not illegal, either, unless someone can prove that Heather was definitely not driving erratically. Says Jill’s lawyer: “The fact she witnessed Ms. Locklear’s erratic driving and reported it to the police did not mean she was disqualified from reporting the story, which she in fact did.” And, ya know, he’s right. There’s nothing illegal about this, sadly, if Heather was, in fact, behaving like a drunk driver.

However, another witness near the scene denies that Heather seemed drunk.

“She seemed to be acting normal, totally normal. She was just really messy, but not drunk,” says Santa Barbara resident Alex Paillon, who spotted Locklear in a shopping center moments before her arrest.

“I was really surprised to hear she got a DUI because, I mean, I just saw her coming out of the store,” Paillon continues. “She looked fine.”

And how does Harvey Levin over at TMZ feel about the fact that these photos are soooo dirty? (Although, in fairness, he didn’t know the whole set-up when he paid for them.) “Ultimately, these are photographs of an arrest,” he said.

The D.A. is still determining whether or not to file charges.

Because, I mean, whether or not the police tip-off was set-up, the police still decided to go ahead and put her under arrest, so she must have been exhibiting some signs of impairment, although it’s been determined alcohol was not involved. If she’d been totally sober and sane, they would have let her go. The police don’t go ahead and arrest every single person they come into contact with on the road.

While the CHP said there was no sign Locklear, 47, had consumed excessive amounts of alcohol, a “drug recognition expert” told officers she appeared under the influence of an unspecified drug. She was tested and prosecutors are awaiting the results.

“Toxicology is one piece of information that I want to have in hand before I review the case,” explains the D.A.. “Obviously, I want as much information as I can get before I can review the case for any filing, if there is going to be a filing.”

This is going to be very, very interesting to watch play out. I am certain some fucked up shit went down either way.

But it’s really not that important to vote.

I’m sorry, but I find Declare Yourself’s new campaign, wherein assorted celebrities pose with ballgags and muzzles and fishhooks through their mouths, to be more disturbing than galvanizing. Jessica Alba’s shots are easily the most annoying. This is the most recent one released. Like, does she realize that you can’t win an Oscar for a PSA?

You guys should totally vote and stuff, because it’s important. And I hear a lot of people say, “Why would I vote? I don’t live in a swing state,” and, frankly, that’s a fair point. If you don’t live in a swing state, your singular vote’s unlikely to have much impact on the actual Presidential election. But keep in mind that there are lots and lots of other matters on the ballot. There’s probably at least one that’s not clearly going one way or another. It may be one that you feel is important. Personally, I also feel it’s important to vote out of respect for the people who fought and sacrificed so that we could have the right to vote — this hits home particularly hard for me as a woman.

But, like, if something comes up and you don’t make it to the polls, I really don’t feel it’s the equivalent of being bound and gagged. There are lots of other ways to make a difference in the world and to make your voice heard. I just find these tactics to be fear-based and obnoxious.

Rosie O’Donnell will be returning to television, but kept far, far away from Elizabeth Hasselbeck.

She’s going to do a live variety show on NBC.

And not only will the show be live, but Rosie will be giving out prizes to the show’s at-home audience … live. Producers are hoping this combination will be a successful way to battle the DVRs of the world, and that people will be more inclined to tune in when it actually airs. Frankly, I sincerely doubt this approach will make so much as a dent. But maybe I’m overestimating my fellow Americans. I usually do.

They’re also hoping it’ll help them battle cable television, which is taking up an increasingly large chunk of television viewership.

“This will reinvent the idea of what a variety show is for 2008,” NBC vice president alternative Craig Plestis said. “There’s very few performers willing to put themselves out there live. It makes it more TiVo-proof, and it’s something none of the cable networks can do.”

Fox is planning to launch their own variety show, starring Sharon and Ozzy Osbourne, set to air in winter or spring. NBC’s hoping for a first-mover advantage; they’ll be starting Rosie’s run in late November.

Both shows sound like total snoozefests to me, but, then again, I’m totally not their target demo.

The 27-year-old Seventh Heaven mainstay got married today in Naples to beau Michael Cameron, with former TV sisters Jessica Biel (accompanied by Justin Timberlake) and Mackenzie Rosman among her seven bridesmaids.

This explains why Jessica and Justin have been photographed around Italy the past week.

She wore a classic white strapless Melissa Sweet gown, and the groom wore a traditional black tux by Kenneth Cole.

Congrats, you two crazy kids!

A term for straight women who kiss other women in bars for “fun and attention.”

Ahhhhhhh ha ha ha ha ha.

Discuss.

[source]

This is the talent portion of the Miss Alaska competition in 1984.

What do you think, guys?

Would you let her blow you?

Here’s the video for the latest single from my favoritest band ever, Jack’s Mannequin.

I’m so obsessed.

I love this band so much.

At the age of 53, Kevin Costner is ready to become a rock star. Well, a country star, at least.

Kevin Costner will fulfill a longtime dream in November when he releases his first album with his country-rock band, Modern West.

The actor, who told PEOPLE that his unlikely turn as a lead singer elicited double-takes when the band played a NASCAR event in July, has been playing music with some of his band mates for nearly 20 years.

An early incarnation of the band (once called Roving Boy) stalled when Costner’s movie career took off, but in the past few years he’s devoted more time to music. “I remember looking out into the crowd, thinking, ‘This just feels right,’ ” Costner, 53, said in a statement about an early performance with Modern West.

Apparently Costner co-wrote six of the songs on the upcoming albums. Some of the tracks are expected to hit country radio as early as this week.

Will you be buying a Kevin Costner country album?