Sumner Redstone: FINALLY Single!

October 22nd, 2008 by Evil Beet


Honestly, I couldn’t figure out why I’ve been so turned on all night. Just crazy, wild sex thoughts zooming through my brain. Dirty, dirty things, just out of the blue.

Now I understand why.

Viacom chair/crypt-keeper Sumner Redstone filed for divorce today.

Oooh, baby. Sumner’s back on the market! My sex drive sensed it.

Look out, Matt Felker! You’ve got competition now!


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16 Responses to “Sumner Redstone: FINALLY Single!”

  1. Casi says:

    Ok Beet- that headline make me laugh so hard that I spit out Red Bull onto my beige carpet. Luckily Red Bull isn’t red, and it didn’t leave a stain… still, FUNNY sh$t!!!

  2. Chuck says:

    I believe his 40-something wife (who was pretty good looking) decided that the $5,000,000 she’s earned on the pre-nup for staying married this long should suit her.

    Can’t believe she lasted this long with him.

  3. Nadine says:

    There is a lady in Australia who is like in her 80s and a virgin. She was in the news the other day. They should seriously hook up.

  4. Jess says:

    No Beet! You gotta wait in line! I’ve been dreaming for YEARS of running my fingers through his toupee, letting him make love to me with his penile implant, and nibble my ears with his dentures! Don’t make me fight you Beet! you can have him when I’m finished with him!

  5. Amy says:

    Do you think his red locks are natural?

  6. beefy says:

    He’s scary.

  7. Sheila says:

    The next woman will end up with all the cash.

  8. Norma says:

    hilarious! but this summer dude doesn’t seem to do the same thing to my sex drive as he does to yours.

  9. Caz2 says:

    @ Jess

    LOL!

  10. DanTheMan says:

    “The next woman will end up with all the cash.”

    Like Anna Nicole Smith did?

  11. Eyes of Green says:

    Does Donald Trump know his toupee has been stolen?

  12. keightlynn says:

    Eyes, I was thinking the same thing. LOL

  13. slouchy says:

    Hubba hubba, but the first thing I’d do is draw some eyebrows on him.

  14. Peep says:

    Hold me back!!!

  15. ac says:

    Does that mean Cruise will be welcomed back to the Viacom fold?

  16. Just Saying says:

    He should have a reality show: One Last Summer With Redstone. He would have to beat them off with his cane.

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