Tea Leoni Surrenders All Public Goodwill to the Army of Billy Bob Thornton’s Penis
October 16th, 2008 by Evil Beet
ZOMG.
So, like, after Tea Leoni’s husband, David Duchovny, checked himself into sex rehab, we were all like, “Awww, poor Tea! What a doll to support her husband through such a horrific and humiliating time. Hooray for Tea!”
But it turns out that part of the couple’s problems actually stemmed from the fact that she was having sex with the grossness that is Billy Bob Thornton.
Apparently David found sexual texts sent between the two, and witnesses report seeing Tea at a bunch of Billy Bob’s band gigs, where she “helps him load and unload his truck.” Heh. “Unloading the truck.” Is that what the kids are calling it these days?
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Tea Leoni has found a way to portray herself in a worse light than David Duchovny. That’s an amazing accomplishment.
That’s a sweet caption. I applaud you.
See all women really do want a huge penis. Reportedly Billy is packing heat. As soon as I get money for an implant I am there. That and I have to lose like 100 lbs. Get reconstructive surgery on that thing I call a face. Get leg extensions and win the lottery and I am all set. I shave my head because I can, I can’t stand my hair but other than that I am good to go.
Wait a second. She was married to David Duchovny, the epitome of male hotness, and instead she was riding Billy Bob Thornton’s bone pony?
Urghhh – I’m gonna spew up my lunch.
Apparently I’m in the minority but I would do Billy Bob Thornton any day. For some strange reason he does it for me. *Shrug* It’s a curse. ;)
Back in the day it was called “moving furniture around”…
but you know, if DD was really like this raging sex maniac, I don’t blame her for going elsewhere. I don’t know that I’d go to BBT, I’d rather go to Adrien Brody *sigh*…
Don’t worry, Tracy, you’re not alone! I’ve ALways had the hots for Billy Bob, he exudes something smolderingly sexy. I do love Billy Bob Thornton, oh yes… The “packing heat” part would be a pretty awesome extra feature, too, if that rumour there is true.
oh my GOD, srsly??
well this makes me feel better, cause i hadn’t WANTED to be mad at david duchovny!
yaaay!!
Well, David has redeemed himself by Tea’s undoing? Wow. Billy Bob. He did make Angie blush for awhile, too, didn’t he? I just can’t get past his fucked up grill.
Steve, will you marry me?
@ Niturnia
Sure but I don’t call them weddings I prefer to call them funerals, no offense.
Name the time and place and I am there. For the honeymoon do I need to bring a bag for my face and some alcohol for you so that we can consumate the marriage? I am cool with it.
speaking of weddings…
isn’t billy bob very much married with a little girl?!
er… let me rephrase that: married and has a little kid with his current wifey?
how is that not the source of outrage and stuff?
Dear ridiculously hot and sweet guy in my business class,
can I PLEEEEEEEZ unload your truck?????? i’m going out of my mind!!!!!
Billy Bob is not married but does live with his girlfriend and daughter who is 4.
He adopted Maddox with Angelina, does he ever see the kid?
I don’t think anyone expects monogomy out of Billy Bob’s corner. By the time the JP says “I now pronounce you…” at his weddings he probably already has his hand down someone else’s pants.
Ummm, the man did not go to rehab for sex addiction because of anything his wife did with Billy Bob…think about the threshold for a celebrity male to be considered a sex addict in need of treatment.
Never been a fan of Tea’s but in this case, you go girl, you get you some Billy Bob, and hell, grab a little Gerard Butler and maybe a side of Criss Angel…you’ll still probably have hundreds to go before your anywhere near the numbers your husband has been nailing.
the logic doesnt really follow there… his wife was having an affair so HE went to rehab for sex addiction? no i dint think so. this sex addiction thing must have been going on for a while before
Tracy, I thought I was the ONLY one who finds, for whatever reason, Billi Bob extremely sexy and very do-able!! And David Duchovney–not so much.
Who knows who was misbehaving first. Probably Duchovney, if he’s truly a porn addict that was probably there before he even met Tea.
oh, OK, lola, so it’s just the five failed marriages… not five and counting… :)