Does My Beloved Michael Phelps Have the Herp?
October 3rd, 2008 by Evil Beet
Ted Casablanca’s latest blind item sure sounds a lot like my beloved:
It can be a rocky journey to the top, and no one knows this better than Finnegan Furrow-Brow. He’s been in the spotlight for years, but never had that star recognition until most recently. See, Finny’s a younger-type dude who’s been thrust upon this world of flashing lights and flashing panties simply due to his ambitious achievements (which, of course, means he’s starting to dabble in all kinds of crossover activities too, which usually happens with the young, firmly muscled and pretty popular).
F’s tight ass and adorable smile def don’t hurt his fame cred, either, but newly minted megamoney and magnified status aside, FFB isn’t exactly a traditional knockout stud. Regardless, his basically “unthreatening” demeanor gets girls into the throes of his sheets all the damn time, anyways. But…these digging damsels shouldn’t be too eager. Here’s why:
Despite Frazzy’s best ass-getting efforts, when it comes down to it, he often has difficulty knocking the cojones outta the park. Why? Oh, not because of any diss-able effort on his part—turns out, actually it’s quite the opposite, as Mr. F.B.’s predicaments usually occur because he’s such a good guy. See, he got the herp. And being the nice boy he is, he’ll always warn (hugely unlike most of his H-town counterparts, hugely) these supple potential nooky sirens that he has herpes, but not to worry cause they can “just use a condom.”
Cue girl’s exit. Almost always.
What do we think? Is this Phelpsy? Who else could it be???
Oh dear!
Thanks Jordana!
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October 4th, 2008 at 12:00 am
Wow, I didn’t even know horses/goblin monsters could get herpes. Ya learn something new every day.
October 4th, 2008 at 12:19 am
Personally, I don’t think it was Phelps…
The end of Cassabanca’s article said that Miley Cyrus spurned whomever the guy was he was referring to in the article. However, Cyrus allegedly got into a dispute with L. Lohan over escorting the guy at the VMAs… so that doesn’t sound much like she rejected him (or was going to.) Not to mention, Phelps smile looks like a kid with Down’s Syndrome that ate too much chocolate… nothing that I think could be classified (I don’t think… but hey, I’m a hetro guy so I’m not the expert) as “adorable.”
By the way, that’s a really cute pic of you on your “Sasha” MySpace page!
October 4th, 2008 at 1:19 am
Why doesn’t he just get something to clear it up? :/
October 4th, 2008 at 1:19 am
@ Down Unda
I think his smile is adorable
October 4th, 2008 at 1:26 am
Caz2,
B/c it’s not curable. Get edmucated.
October 4th, 2008 at 3:31 am
I don’t know… I think he looks way hotter than usual in this pic. Maybe it’s the longer hair and facial hair… his body is always beyond yummy, though!
October 4th, 2008 at 5:48 am
Michael Cera?
October 4th, 2008 at 8:01 am
i agree with amber.
October 4th, 2008 at 8:05 am
i’ve heard from a reliable source he’s also got a really nasty case of hoof and mouth disease. oh yeah, he’s a closet homo too and has won several medals doing the ass spread in the gay olympics as well. otherwise, i think he’s pretty darn cool.
October 4th, 2008 at 8:32 am
I don’t think it’s MP either. I know it sounds like it in some cases, but it doesn’t in others. “H-Town counterparts”….Michael’s not Hollywood and who would be considered his “counterparts” (the fabulous swimmers) are not either. Plus, I would never say he had a rocky journey to the top! And the fact that the entire article said Miley Cyrus spurned this particular fellow takes the pressure off MP in my book.
October 4th, 2008 at 8:32 am
Actually I’m pretty sure I had read somewhere that they have possibly found a way to “cure” herpes.
But I’m not sure if it’s the herpes strain, or just the strain that causes cold sores, which are also a variation of herpes.
October 4th, 2008 at 9:07 am
LdySpace, I thought that he was referring to other guys with the herps when he said “H-Town”.
October 4th, 2008 at 10:00 am
adorable smile? really? based on that phrase alone, i don’t think it’s phelps.
October 4th, 2008 at 10:19 am
Hey SJ: The way I read it was that that this person is such a nice guy that he warns his “wanna be’s” that he has herpes—unlike his H-town counterparts, who wouldn’t warn their “wanna be’s” that they had herpes. The phrase “H-Town counterparts” tells me that this person is Hollywood, and MP is not. Did I overexplain myself or what?
October 4th, 2008 at 10:20 am
And just for the record, even though I don’t think it’s MP, I think he IS adorable and has an adorable smile! ahhhhh…..
October 4th, 2008 at 10:21 am
I’m such a dummy! After typing my reply, I got what you said SJ. I swear, I’m normally smart. LOL. You could be right there. Duh.
October 4th, 2008 at 11:10 am
Whoever it is, good on him for actually warning people, instead of being a virus-spreading douche.
October 4th, 2008 at 11:20 am
Oooo Amber…brilliant guess, but what about the “firmly muscled” part?
October 4th, 2008 at 12:23 pm
james franco?
October 4th, 2008 at 1:16 pm
I don’t think it’s Phelps. There’s no detail here that points to him. It could almost be anyone, and since when does MP have “an adorable smile?” Bleh.
October 4th, 2008 at 3:24 pm
I don’t know about anyone else, but when I read this I thought of Shia Labeouf. Been in the spotlight for years, adorable smile, non-traditional knockout but can still get the ladies, ambitious achievements, and nice guy that would tell women he had the herp…. Totally Shia!!!
October 4th, 2008 at 4:29 pm
um… if he’s a swimmer- “tight ass and adorable smile,” I’d go with Ryan Lochte. He’s notorious for his shennanigans…Plus, does anybody know if Ted’s accurate or just assuming? I remember he reported a huge fight of America’s sweethearts a week before Reese and Ryan Phillippe called it quits… But i hope e did not mean Phelpsey. And if he did, I sooooooooo hope he’s wrong!
October 4th, 2008 at 4:37 pm
argh, blind items drive me right up the wall.
October 4th, 2008 at 6:03 pm
Yeah - I’m sadly thinking it might be James Franco, most unfortunately…
October 4th, 2008 at 6:41 pm
It’s him. Don’t you speak code, beet? Amanda Beard said it all–Ewwwww. I’m sorry.
October 4th, 2008 at 8:09 pm
This is the only picture I have ever seen of him where he isn’t vomit-inducing.
October 4th, 2008 at 8:13 pm
Beefy, Amanda said “ewwwwww” because she said she had good taste in men. Apparently, in her book Michael is not good looking. There is no proof that she said “ewwww” because allegedly he has herpes. And since when dumb Amanda is so implicit and subtle, so she gives us clues? Plus, she appologized and said she loves Michael. She acted like a hot stuff, way hotter than she actually is, as if she was every man’s dream.
October 4th, 2008 at 8:19 pm
Amanda Beard has a freakin’ horse-face to go right with Phelps’! She looks like a MAN! Anyway - I don’t think it’s him. I believe it might be Shia. His dad was in prison (rocky start), adorable smile, fairly muscular… I dunno.
October 4th, 2008 at 8:43 pm
although… the phrase of corssover activities are too weighing to MP– there is no other celebrity right now, whose turn his name into a brand. MP is everywhere– all the endorsements… Oh, well, I so hope it’s not him, or Ted got it WRONG, WRONG, WRONG!
October 4th, 2008 at 8:52 pm
Isn’t there some medicine that you take that lets you screw around safely with herpes? Seems like I have seen lots of those commercials somewhere…
October 4th, 2008 at 9:35 pm
This can’t be Phelps… don’t worry Beet! It’s probably someone that actually has a cute smile, maybe Shia Labeouf is a better guess…
October 6th, 2008 at 5:27 am
I DO NOT KNOW WHERE DID BEET GET THAT HIS PENIS IS HUGE??
(”15 INCHES LONG”) IN HER EXACT WORDS.
THAT LITTLE THING THERE… THAT LOOK LIKE A PENIS ONLY WAY TOO SMALLER LOOKS LIKE MY 9 YEAR OLD SON.
BELIEVE ME , THAT YOU ARE 6″3 HEIGHT do not mean down there you been gifted. talented, ugly, tall, with no money but no penis.
SOME PEOPLE CANNOT HAVE IT ALL, CAN WE?
October 6th, 2008 at 5:29 am
I DO NOT KNOW WHERE DID BEET GET THAT HIS PENIS IS HUGE??
(”15 INCHES LONG”) IN HER EXACT WORDS.
THAT LITTLE THING THERE… THAT LOOK LIKE A PENIS ONLY WAY TOO SMALLER LOOKS LIKE MY 9 YEAR OLD SON.
BELIEVE ME , THAT YOU ARE 6″3 HEIGHT do not mean down there you been gifted. talented, ugly, tall, with no money but no penis.
SOME PEOPLE CANNOT HAVE IT ALL, CAN WE?
October 6th, 2008 at 8:17 am
I miss the daily Phelps photos…
October 7th, 2008 at 7:35 am
hey, loudspekar, SAS, I mean you! It was a joke- you know what they say about the corelation between feet and some male attributes? Well, it might be a myth, but Beet said, size 14 feet, the size of MP’s feet correspond to a size 14 hm…peen. Whether it’s true or not, we can only speculate! She based her argument on this well-known “truth.” I don’t care if it’s true or not, Beet is funny as hell and I love MP!
October 7th, 2008 at 1:16 pm
What about Daniel Craig? I know he’s not young, young, but another blind item on another site (LaineyGossip) had something about him in Vegas and said something about him having an impressive track record “minus one infection.” ??
October 12th, 2008 at 9:27 am
The topic was posted a while ago, but we have development in the case. NOT good, folks, not good! Ted has denied it’s Shia. To the person, who said Mike did not have a rocky start: he did. He had ADHAD, his parents divorced when he was young, teased about his looks… how much rockier can it get? Then someone emailed Ted (sorry, I can’t send you the link) and asked if it was Michael. Ted did not respond. Does this mean he’s confirming? Some U of M have been saying he does it, though. Don’t know if this is a malicious rumor, or the truth. Miss Lainey posted a similar blind item and I think it’s him (boo-hooo- going to cry my eyes out…)
October 12th, 2008 at 8:25 pm
The Lainey item says that without a “director or cinematographer” that this guy couldn’t do this or that. I think the Lainey item is definitely someone Hollywood.
October 13th, 2008 at 12:34 pm
Zach Effron then? I so hope it’s not our beloved Mikey!!!!!!!!!!
October 13th, 2008 at 3:51 pm
I don’t think it’s him. However if it is him, I’m not suprised he is such a gentleman.
November 1st, 2008 at 6:09 pm
Does anyone really know what size he is…I mean, a few articles back they were saying like “mr. 14 inches?” how’d anyone know about it….hmmmm?
About the herpes news…what about it? I dnt think it is true cause..would they let an Olympic athlete jump into the pool with a disease such as that? I mean they have medical tests to undergo before they compete to any event right? and Herpes is supposedly transmutable…so they can’t allow him to participate if he will cause the other athletes to “i dont know” get sick too?
November 10th, 2008 at 12:33 am
Wow, this place is filled with brainless, immature and superficial women…You girls are pathetic..
Please get a brain, you’ll see it’s really cool!