You gotta love a music video with product placement.

Wow, JET nightclub. An NKOTB video? I expected more from you.

Ya know, this is the problem with pulling a VP candidate out of thin fucking air. I mean, choosing a chick who touts family values after being the mayor of a town with a population under 10,000 before putting in a year and a half as the governor of a state with less than a million people: her kids don’t know early enough to cover their asses.

You’d better believe Meghan McCain’s been keeping tabs on exactly who’s taking pictures of her doing what and if they’re being tagged on Facebook since she was 12 years old.

Bristol Palin?

Not so forward-thinking.

Not that she had any reason to be.

Who’d've thunk she’d be the biggest story in the country at any point in her life?

Hi, Bristol.

Isn’t this fun?

Congratulations to Yaya DaCosta, who has landed a lead role in the off-Broadway production of The First Breeze of Summer, starring alongside respected thespian Leslie Uggams.

Yaya’s performance is getting rave reviews.

Yaya was the runner-up on her cycle of America’s Next Top Model. The winner was Eva Pigford, who promptly changed her name to Eva Marcille and scored a couple of hosting gigs on BET as well as some small guest roles on the CW.

Lest you think that the Justin Long/Kirsten Dunst thing was just a one-night stand, they want to make it totally clear that they’re way more than that. You hear that, Drew????

The new couple were spotted enjoying a meal together at the Chateau Marmont.

It looks like friendship does, in fact, occasionally end.

Spice Girl Mel B tells British magazine Closer that she is “not in touch much” with Victoria Beckham, even though the two of them live just a few miles apart in LA.

“Victoria and I are very different,” she explains. “People bracket us together because we live in the same city and we’re both interested in fashion. Victoria’s fashion line has been very successful and hopefully mine will be too. But that’s where the similarities begin and end.”

So, rest assured, gentlemen, if you wanna be Melanie Brown’s lover, you don’t have to get with Victoria Beckham.

That actually makes me want to take a quick poll.

Who would you rather get with? Mel B or Victoria Beckham?

Gossip Girl had a very strong season opener on Monday night, landing 3.4 million viewers.

Will 90210 be able to beat those numbers tonight on the CW?

Both shows were heavily hyped, but I have a feeling we’ll see higher numbers for 9-0 this week.

But then, the question I’m personally most interested in — who will come out on top NEXT week? I have a feeling a lot of viewers are going to tune in tonight out of curiosity — but will the CW be able to hang onto them for the long run?

Time will tell, kiddos!

What do you guys think RIGHT NOW?

I’m gonna ask you again tonight, after 90210 has aired.

No, no, he’s not the dude that knocked up Bristol Palin.

Think real hard and it’ll come to you.

Still stumped?

He’s that uber-hottie swimmer dude who won a bunch of gold medals at the Olympics — when was it? — last year?

But DID HE KNOCK UP BRISTOL PALIN?

No?

Then I don’t care today!

Anyway, Michael “Heart of Gold, Abs of Steel, Size 14 Penis” Phelps will be donating his $1M bonus (that he earned from Speedo for tying Mark Spitz’s record of seven gold medals) to a foundation he just started.

Appearing on TODAY, Phelps announced that the Michael Phelps Foundation will distribute his prize money to various charitable programs to promote water safety and encourage youth swimming.

“This is a way for me to really help to grow the sport,” Phelps told TODAY co-host Matt Lauer on Tuesday.

Remember, folks, you can catch Size Fourteen Phelps hosting SNL on Sept 13.

Will Bristol Palin be hosting on September 20?

No?

Then I don’t care!