Here’s Britney looking put-together, healthy and sane in New York tonight. She went out to dinner at Serendipity 3 on the Upper East Side.

Oh and all her fake nails are properly secured to her fingers. I checked. I can’t remember the last time that happened.

I have to admit, Jennifer Lopez’s legs look freakin’ awesome at this launch of Deseo for Men, her new fragrance, at Macy’s in Herald Square.

Her outfit is so-so.

Her make-up?

Atrocious.

The foundation isn’t even the right shade. The eye-shadow looks like mine did when I was eight and playing with my little CoverGirl kid set. Everything about this look is totally amateurish. Whoever did her make-up for this event needs to be fired and banned from the industry and probably also fined.

SamRo and Linds are enjoying some vacay time in Cabo together … and in bikinis.

Hotness!

Thanks Emily!

And I don’t blame him one bit!

Photo agencies are reporting that Travis Barker (along with Shanna Moakler) is traveling from Augusta, Georgia to Los Angeles in a luxury bus equipped for all his medical needs.

DJ AM traveled home by bus, too.

Travis will be taken to the Grossman Burn Center in Santa Ana for further treatment and additional surgery, but he’ll be much closer to his kids this way.

If I could afford a luxury bus, I’d never travel anywhere by plane either. I hate flying!

Says Janet Charlton:

According to acquaintances, Heather has been abusing prescription painkillers every day for around 20 years. Specifically vicodin. This kind of long term pill popping can easily lead to kidney damage and the need for dialysis. One of her exboyfriends is hooked on the same pills so they had a great time while it lasted. Obviously, Heather’s recent aborted attempt at rehab where she claimed it was for “depression,” didn’t help at all. It makes one rethink the possible causes for her divorce from Richie Sambora. Heather is well liked in Hollywood and everyone hopes she’ll finally get a grip on this problem.

Dude a bottle of Vicodin sounds damn good to me right about now. I’m super grumpy and I can’t figure out why. I’m just a grumpster. It’s been a stressful day. I told you guys about the Dell drama last night, and then this morning I thought my health insurance had expired without my knowledge (it hadn’t, it just got transferred to a different company, but it took my all day to figure that out and in the meantime I was trying to figure out how the hell to get health insurance, like, NOW) and then Leo had to go get tested for heartworm (he’s fine, the vet just called with the results) and my new health insurance provider will only cover prescriptions if I order them from some stupid online pharmacy that needs like a whole special fancy order form faxed in by my doctor and, like, I can’t even remember who prescribes my birth control these days so I have no idea how I’m going to get that dealt with and my car needs emissions testing and there are only like four places in the county that do it, none of which are close to where I live, and I didn’t sleep well last night and am exhausted.

Oh and also the economy’s totally collapsing and I need to go to the store and stock up on bottled water and the like to prep for the apocalypse.

Oh and ALSO what’s up with no new House tonight? Someone explain that BULLSHIT to me, stat.

I think it’s my nap time. If someone wants to stop by my apartment with chocolate bars, that would be nice, too. Because I totally don’t have a good drug hook-up in Seattle, so I’m gonna have to rely on chocolate for now.

Despite promising to quit once again, Katherine Heigl was spotted puffing on a ciggie in Long Beach yesterday.

I feel your pain, Katie!!!

I’m still on the non-smoking wagon, but omifuckinggod you guys last night I had to call Dell tech support — in India — because they were supposed to send me a box to ship my laptop in so they could fix it (yes, we are STILL trying to fix that damn laptop) and the box never came.

So I called them to relay the following information: I did not get the box. Please resend it.

This took HALF AN HOUR.

Seriously the little Indian man was like super duper interested in SOLVING THE MYSTERY of where the box went. I was like “I don’t know where the box is. If I knew where the box was I would not be calling you. I would have put my laptop IN the box and shipped it off to be fixed. See?” And he was like “Our records indicate that the box was left at the door of your apartment” and I was like “That’s basically impossible, since you need a security key to get up to my floor. Packages are always left at the office.” And then we need to discuss for like 10 minutes exactly what kind of security is required to get up to my floor and I’m just like “Jesus fucking Christ, send it again and leave it with the leasing office!” and he’s like, “Yes, we did, we left it at your apartment door” and I’m like, “What part of ‘leasing office’ sounds like ‘apartment door’ to you?” and then he’s back on the details of my complex’s security system and I’m like “OMFG can I please talk to someone who understands the subtleties of the English language???” and he was like “Uh, so you do not know where the box is?” and I’m like “Motherfucker it is a CARDBOARD BOX not a NUCLEAR MISSILE just SEND IT AGAIN.” Seriously I checked my cell phone data afterward and it took us THIRTY-TWO MINUTES to agree that he did, in fact, need to resend a fucking cardboard box. Dell probably spent more money on long-distance fees routing that fucking call to India than it is going to cost them to ship another goddamn cardboard box to my fucking LEASING OFFICE. ZOMG.

Anyway.

That was last night, and I’ve wanted a cigarette SO BAD ever since.

Grrrr.

DJ AM was photographed for the first time since the tragic plane crash today, when he stepped out to attend the memorial for Chris “Lil’ Chris” Baker, who died in the crash.

He actually looks a LOT better than I would have expected, and that’s a relief.