Amanda Beard Wants It to Be Perfectly Clear That There Are No Hard Feelings
September 13th, 2008 by Evil Beet
Oh, Amanda. You’re like three weeks late with this shit. And also your face scares me. But you’re better at swimming than I’ll ever be at anything in my whole life, so, out of respect, I’ll avoid detailing everything I find offensive about your face. But just as a hint, it’s primarily the eyebrows and the mouth. I mean, it’s just especially unfortunate with you because it’s really the things that plastic surgery can’t do much about. What I might recommend is actually shaving the inner halves of your eyebrows and just penciling new ones in — new ones that don’t appear to be dive-bombing into your nasal cavity. A good make-up artist can probably pull it off. And let’s definitely go with Restylane for the lips, and a less bronzy foundation next time, okay? You could actually be quite pretty.
Shit, did I just do exactly what I said I wasn’t going to do?
I’m sorry, Amanda. I really am. You’re out there working really hard and accomplishing something enormous with your life and for your country and I’m sitting here in my pajamas at my laptop nitpicking on your eyebrows, and, for what it’s worth, I’m aware of how pathetic that is. The sad thing is that the awareness doesn’t make me enjoy it any less. Mostly I’m jealous because you’ve actually met Michael Phelps, and I’m still at the stage where he’s cheating on our fantasy relationship but I’m considering taking him back. So, in the grand scheme of things, you win, Amanda.
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It could be worse.. she could have the head and face of Michael Phelps. Good lord. Could you imagine being offered bails of hay wherever you go just because you’re a giant horse headed goblin creature? I wouldn’t be surprised if the goblin creature side of him has to consume a living human baby once a month in order to survive.
They talked to her on the radio here while she was in Beijing… all I remembered about her was her Playboy stint. Now I’m trying to remember if she was cute… because if so, those makeup artists are magicians! Oh and their digital photography guru is fantastic. Because I am actually quite afraid right now… for my soul.
She has nice arms. Dare I say SWIMMERS ARMS?? Hmm… can’t imagine why. Heh.
But I want a shirt like that. It’s cute.
i actually hung out with amanda a year ago..i was best friends with her younger cousin and we spent the day with her at her house in irvine. she was soo nice and actually gorgeous in real life! she even paid for our manis/pedis and pizza! i think these pictures were just bad..ya know!
The main problem here is her makeup, especially her eye makeup, with the bar of dark topped by the bare/light area just under the outer edge of her eyebrows. Coupled with the strange bronze streaks on her cheeks, she’s managed to give herself impossibly wide-eyed robo-face. I’m sure she doesn’t really look like that! Also, if she used some lightener under her eyes, she would remove the lines that weirdly mimic the lines of her eyebrows, and therefore lose the symmetry that contributes to the robot effect.
Is it just me or does she look like a gargoyle? I don’t understand the media hype about her being hot and everything. She does have a nice body, but the face!
Is it just me or does she look like a gargoyle? I don’t understand the media hype about her being hot and everything. She does have a nice body, but the face!
Honestly, I would way rather fuck Micheal Phelps then even have the mere mention of her name brought up in a “sexy” situation , he should be embarrassed for having his name attached to hers, not the other way around.
I too would like to leave a positive note about AB. But when you’re a celeb you gotta know your “A” game is the only one to play when you’re going to be on camera. And AB had to know she was going to be on camera for this shot.
So, someone tell her stylist her forehead is much too deep for her hair to be swept back from her face. We’re not talkin’ bangs, however brushing her hair down to cover the forehead skin will present a dramatically flattering impact. And BTW, why didn’t anyone mention those Dracula-like eyes? A little darker shade for the contacts please;)
butterface
that black hair thingy with the bow is really pissing me off.
yeah that bronzer is ridiculous.
the close-up of her face actually stresses me out. Im not even trying to be funny about it or anything but it really stresses me out. every time i look at i think that I need to go lay down and curl up next to my puppy.
I love the horse teefs.
She looks scary
At least she has pretty teeth! :)
whoa her eyebrows are too far apart!
Holy shit!!! She looks like.. um… Yeah, like a man dressed up like a woman.. A very ugly man trying to be a woman.. Ew!!!..
Beet attacks this woman’s face and doesn’t say anything about old monkey face Phelps? Bizarre.
Pardon my ignorance. What’s that string around her neck? Is that a kaballah thing?
Ribbed tanks like that: NOT good. Look how it’s flattening and messing with her boobs.
me thinks that string is attached to a KICK ME sign on her back. at least it should be based on all the comments shown above.
Someone out her back in the stables, she looks like she needs some hay to munch. She and Phelps should get together and have super ugly super deformed looking kids. Or perhaps it would have the reverse effect and the kids would be drop dead gorgeous.
OK I really should erase that. For all I know she could be a lovely sweet person… But she’s more horsey than SJP and Heather Matarazzo put together!!
Ok that was too mean. I feel guilty now.
She’s probably a really nice person.
LOL @ Shan’s comment!
this is a really unflattering picture of her and i’m sure she is a lovely person, but we are going to be getting a puppy for our daughter so that must be why this thought came into my head.
if she and phelps were to breed they could produce a new superhuman race of swimming horse-people.
Ewww..She’s fu***** UGLY on that picture!
Heeeeeee-awwwwwww
It was freaking driving me effing nuts but now when I see this pic I realized who she looks like..SHERYL CROWE!!! And you’re right, that shit is a bit late, how would you feel about Michael wearing a tshirt 3 months after you made those dumbass comments that read “Amanda wants to f**k me!!!”…this is just another lame ass attempt at kissing some big time ass and getting some pap time!!! You’re cold product honey beat it!!!
LOL this made me laugh, thanks :D
Donkey Punch are you serious? A monkey face? Clearly MP has the face of a mongoloid horse. Might want to take a few steps back the See n’ Say!
she is seriously unattractive. why is she famous?
she looks like she just came out of the movie “the living dead” ewww what an ugly girl
Ever see “The Mask”, with Jim Carrey?
Yeah, this is a lot like that. Except that she can’t take it off. Kudos to her talent though, for sure.
grr.
michael phelps is hott.
what I would do to meet him..
well anyways,
klipper or whatever the hell your name is,
go fuck yourself.
bye!
Anyone have any idea where to get that shirt though… its pretty cute?
Thanks!