I’m telling you, whatever John McCain’s campaign paid for that ad comparing Barack Obama to Paris Hilton, it was well worth it. This is by far the most that the anyone’s talked about the Republican candidate since Heidi Montag graced him with her ringing endorsement.

Up now, we have Kathy Hilton — who had previously donated to the McCain campaign — releasing this statement to the Huffington Post:

I’ve been asked again and again for my response to the now infamous McCain celebrity ad. I actually have three responses. It is a complete waste of the money John McCain’s contributors have donated to his campaign. It is a complete waste of the country’s time and attention at the very moment when millions of people are losing their homes and their jobs. And it is a completely frivolous way to choose the next President of the United States.

Silly Kathy. If America were in the habit of choosing someone for a position based on his or her merits, we never would have made Paris a celebrity, now would we?

As most of you readers know, my darling mother is in town visiting me for a few days. This evening, we decided to take the ferry to Bainbridge Island to have dinner. We ate at an INCREDIBLE restaurant called the Four Swallows. I know, it sounds like cheap porn, but it was actually a very, very fantastic restaurant with amazing food, service and ambiance. We absolutely adored it. I also had the opportunity to hear my mother’s opinions on table manners for the first time in soooo many months. Oh, how I’d missed hearing her musings on the way I consume my food! Apparently, I do not cut the lettuce in my salad correctly. Nor my green beans! And I will never find the kind of man I am looking for if I eat green beans like a piglet. You can all breathe a sigh of relief, though; by the time we’d finished the meal, I had mastered the art of green bean consumption to my mother’s standards.

On the ferry ride there, we kind of proved that we were tourists by standing outside on the front of the boat taking pictures while all the locals slept in booths inside.

As revenge for 26 years of listening to her bitch about the way I eat my food, I considered just being anorexic for awhile and making her pick up the hospital bill and then being like “SEE MOM? YOU SHOULD HAVE JUST BEEN HAPPY THAT I WAS EATING AT ALL!!!” But I can’t really go thirty minutes without eating, so instead I took embarrassing video of her on the ferry — dancing! — and I’m posting it here for all the world to see.

I love you, Mom!

Tomorrow, we are going to take a little road trip to Friday Harbor, so there is a chance I will not have Internet access when the photos of the Brangelina babies arrive on People.com at 7 pm EST. This is kind of devastating to me, and I considered telling my mom to come back some other time, but, as you can see from this video, she is old and decrepit and I’m not sure how long we’ll have her around. So we’re going to take the road trip, and I’ll get the pics posted by tomorrow night. And on Monday I’ll scan in the entire 30-page spread for ya’ll! Hooray!

Audrina Patridge rocks a see-through tank and no bra at the launch party for T-Mobile Sidekick LX in WeHo.

I’m sure her tits are TOTALLY real.

For a close-up of some Audrina nip action (not that you haven’t already seen the whole thing before), jump in.

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Ugh!

What is with Katie Holmes and the cuffed man-pants?

Is she trying to start a trend?

Is anyone else planning to wear their jeans like this now?

Fess up, people.

This is so sad!

But it’s also very good, because apparently Christina caught it in time that she’s expected to make a full recovery.

Said her rep: “Christina Applegate was diagnosed with an early form of breast cancer. Benefiting from early detection through a doctor ordered MRI, the cancer is not life threatening. Christina is following the recommended treatment of her doctors and will have a full recovery. No further statement will be issued at this time.”

You hear that, ladies?

Get your titties checked EARLY and OFTEN!!! Christina’s only 36. It IS better to know!!! There are free breast exams and mammograms available at clinics in nearly every area. Get checked!!!

For the second time in a row, Tila Tequila took Lindsay Lohan’s ex-girlfling, Courtenay Semel, to a red carpet event. This time it was to the launch of the new T-Mobile Sidekick.

Tila sure does know how to keep the attention on her!

I wonder how Yahoo’s CEO feels about his daughter being the #1 choice of Hollywood’s lady-loving “it” girls.

From the same source as last time.

You know, if this is the worst of it, I actually have to give Miley some credit for keeping her pants and some manner of shirt on at all times.

Are there worse pics hanging out these somewhere? I don’t think anyone could technically sell completely nude pics of Miley, since she’s underage. Maybe they could sell them to someone overseas? I dunno. I still couldn’t run them.

Anyway.

Enjoy.

Check out this video about the “STFree Card,” which is basically a license with the date of your last STD test and its results. It’s being marketed to singles to help them in making safe sex decisions.

What do you guys think?

Can something like this make an impact on the spread of STDs? Will it just make people feel more comfortable about having unprotected sex? Or will people just get into the business of making a new type of fake ID?