I know, I know. It’s all Shia all the time this week. We could move on to something else if somebody would just plant a tiny bag of heroin on Miley Cyrus and make an anonymous phone call to the LAPD. Hell, I’d do it my damn self if I still lived in LA. Selena Gomez, if you’re reading this: I will pay you back for the heroin if you want to jump on this idea.

Anywho, Access Hollywood has been stalking anyone who was even remotely involved in Sunday’s DU-Shi incident, and they found some eyewitness who said the driver of the other vehicle actually told Shia to take off. Shia, however, decided to stay.

“Shia was tending to the other people in the car, signing over information, like insurance and stuff and basically, I overheard the guy tell him, ‘You should just get out of here and go,’ and Shia said, ‘Nah man. I gotta deal with this. My license plate, it’s my car. I don’t wanna go, I gotta deal with this.’”

…

“The guy Shia hit told him, ‘You should get outta here,’ and ‘I never saw you.’ He said, ‘I never saw you,’ and Shia said, ‘No, man, I gotta stay here and deal with this. It’s my problem.”

The driver of the other vehicle, strangely, hasn’t been identified yet. Why would he tell Shia to take off? Of course the cops would eventually track him down. Was this guy hoping Shia would be like, “Oh, thanks, man. Here’s my number: call me and I’ll totally get your script produced. Catch ya later!” Good to see Shia was at least not a complete idiot about the situation.

Question: How much did you guys miss seeing Jennifer Lopez on the big screen?

a) OMG so much!
b) Not at all.
c) She used to do movies?

I guess raising children wasn’t quite as fulfilling as Mrs. Marc Anthony hoped it would be, as she’s signed on to do the romantic comedy The Governess. Or maybe she likes the kids just fine, but she’s looking for any excuse to get away from her Crypt-Keeper husband for as much time as possible.

Here’s the plot:

Story centers on a professional thief who, in order to pull off a major bank heist, poses as a nanny to the three unruly children of a wealthy widower. When she starts to fall for the kids and their father, she must decide if she can give up her past for a chance to start over.

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: the woman-as-bank-robber plotline never, ever, ever works. I challenge anyone to name one time it has worked. I know Katie Holmes can’t think of one. So, please, Hollywood, stop trying.

Actually, I’m noticing a pattern here: maybe women only do bank-robber movies if it’s the best excuse they have to spend some time away from their creepy husbands. Hm.

Is there anything more wonderful than when totally unqualified celebrities weigh in on matter that are actually important? Jon “Angelina’s Dad” Voight may not be able to have a relationship with any of his six grandchildren, because of what a psychopath he’s been toward Angelina in the past, but that’s not going to stop him from spewing vile political nonsense in the Op-Ed pages of the Washington Post. I don’t talk politics on this site a lot, because I’m probably more informed about the exact shape of Lindsay Lohan’s labia than I am about politics (I can draw it from memory now!), but I have to say I think Mr. Voight crossed one hell of a line with this scathing, presumptuous epistolary. I mean, I don’t know much about Senator Obama’s platform, but I have a feeling he doesn’t plan to create a socialist America. Plus, any established actor who read the script for National Treasure 2 and thought to himself, “Yes, this is something I want to be a part of” clearly needs to rethink all of his opinions.

Some quotes:

Sen. Barack Obama has grown up with the teaching of very angry, militant white and black people: the Rev. Jeremiah Wright, Louis Farrakhan, William Ayers and Rev. Michael Pfleger. We cannot say we are not affected by teachers who are militant and angry. We know too well that we become like them, and Mr. Obama will run this country in their mindset.

The Democratic Party, in its quest for power, has managed a propaganda campaign with subliminal messages, creating a God-like figure in a man who falls short in every way. It seems to me that if Mr. Obama wins the presidential election, then Messrs. Farrakhan, Wright, Ayers and Pfleger will gain power for their need to demoralize this country and help create a socialist America.

…

If Mr. Obama had his way, he would have pulled our troops from Iraq years ago and initiated an unprecedented bloodbath, turning over that country to the barbarianism of our enemies. With what he has openly stated about his plans for our military, and his lack of understanding about the true nature of our enemies, there’s not a cell in my body that can accept the idea that Mr. Obama can keep us safe from the terrorists around the world, and from Iran, which is making great strides toward getting the atomic bomb. And while a misleading portrait of Mr. Obama is being perpetrated by a media controlled by the Democrats, the Obama camp has sent out people to attack the greatness of Sen. John McCain, whose suffering and courage in a Hanoi prison camp is an American legend.

…

This is a perilous time, and more than ever, the world needs a united and strong America. If, God forbid, we live to see Mr. Obama president, we will live through a socialist era that America has not seen before, and our country will be weakened in every way.

All together now: Shut up, Jon Voight!

Lindsay Lohan enjoys lunch at Bar Pitti in NYC. Not pictured but ubiquitously present: Samantha Ronson.

The bra-over-the-shoulder look is so hot right now. Forget Balenciaga, Birkin, Chanel, Coach … all the It Girls are wandering around SoHo with with Victoria’s Secret bras slung over their shoulders.

Here’s Adriana Lima, looking like a total moron while promoting the new Biofit Uplift collection at a VS outside of NYC. Honestly, Adriana, this is the kind of crap I expect to see out of Caridee English.

Is that Dina Lohan was asked to leave the after-party for the Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants 2 premiere because she was so completely trashed.

Like mother like daughter!

Meanwhile, Lindsay and SamRo stayed up until 4 am partying at an NYC gay bar. However, no reports of any incidents with Lindsay, so it’s possible she actually stayed sober that whole time. Samantha is her new drug!

You know, the only thing that sucks in Hollywood more than getting a DUI is getting a DUI during a slow news week. And, in that regard, Shia LaBeouf just hit the jackpot of suck. It’s been week after week after week of non-stories and baby births around here, and, with a genuine scandal to latch on to, it’s just gonna be all Shia all the time until something else happens (the Miley Cyrus cocaine video? Please please?). Although Shia himself has yet to issue a statement regarding Sunday’s incident, Mothers Against Drunk Driving has issued their own open request to Shia, asking that he voluntarily install ignition interlock devices on all his vehicles. Heh. Something tells me this isn’t going to happen.

An Open Request to Shia LaBeouf
from Mothers Against Drunk Driving

To protect the safety of his family and the citizens of his community, Mothers Against Drunk Driving calls on Shia LaBeouf to voluntarily install ignition interlock devices on all vehicles registered in his name, in addition to completing the official punishment/sanctions that may be levied in the event of his conviction for DUI.

An ignition interlock is a breath test device linked to a vehicle’s ignition system and is normally mandated to convicted drunk drivers as a condition of probation. We hope Mr. LaBeouf will voluntarily use the opportunity of his DUI arrest to educate his fans – and the country – about this life-saving device by installing the device on his vehicles.

Ignition interlocks are proven effective tool in the fight to eliminate drunk driving and save lives.

· Ignition interlocks reduce drunk driving offenses by an average of 65 percent.

· Ignition interlocks have the potential to save more than 4,000 lives now taken in repeat drunk driving crashes annually.

· A majority of American citizens (65 percent) support the use of ignition interlocks as a sanction for first-time convicted drunk drivers.

· A full 85 percent support ignition interlocks for repeat offenders.

States across the nation are turning to the alcohol ignition interlock to help prevent drunk driving tragedies. Just this year, four states – Washington, Nebraska, Alaska and Colorado – expanded the use of alcohol ignition interlocks to include all convicted drunk drivers. MADD lobbied the California state legislature this year to pass similar legislation and plans to make the expanded use of interlocks in California its top priority next year.

MADD believes the tools are now at hand to eliminate drunk driving from the United States. The Campaign to Eliminate Drunk Driving, launched in November 2006, has four elements: intensive, high-visibility law enforcement, full implementation of alcohol ignition interlocks for all convicted drunk drivers, development of advanced vehicle technologies to prevent drunk driving and grassroots support led by MADD and its 400+ affiliates, to make the elimination of drunk driving a reality.

There have been reports for a long time that Gossip Girl co-stars (and roommates!) Ed Westwick and Chace Crawford are more than just friends, and now comes another report to throw on the fire:

“Gossip Girl” co-stars, roommates and friends Chace Crawford and Ed Westwick are still thisclose. The twosome showed up at a recent show by Brit popsters The Ting Tings, and a spy says “they were never more than a foot apart. It was freaky. If one moved two feet to the left, so did the other.” The duo also chose to ignore the hordes of flirty girls trying to get their attention, says our spy: “They were only interested in each other.”

You know, guy-on-guy hook-ups don’t normally do much for me, but I actually think I’d be interested in this sex tape. I think it might be way hot. Come to think of it, how come gay male sex tapes never leak? Everything we ever get is hetero or girl-on-girl. Why is that??? Did it happen before and I just missed it? I can’t think of a single one.