You know, I spend so much time thinking about who the next generation of gossip is going to be. Like, will we see problems out of Miley Cyrus? Selena Gomes? Demi Lovato? Should I keep my eye on Ali Lohan? I worry that interest in the Britney/Lindsay/Paris trifecta will wain as they start to get their shit together, and I focus on the up-and-comers.

And then I remember that we’ll always have the old folks, still fucking up. The Christie Brinkley divorce trial. The potential Madonna divorce. Jennifer Aniston.

And here’s Eminem, being sued for a brawl in the bathroom of a strip club two years ago. Ah, gossip will never be dead.

A man has filed a lawsuit against the Oscar and Grammy-winning “Lose Yourself” rapper for an alleged incident that took place in a bathroom of a Detriot strip club two years ago.

Miad Jarbou says Eminem, whose real name is Marshall Bruce Mathers III, punched him July 13, 2006, at Cheetah’s On the Strip Gentlemen’s Club. No charges were filed at the time.

Jarbou is seeking more than $25,000 in damages.

Some things will never change.

It’s been a long time since Ace Ventura, and most of what we see of Jim Carrey these days is his support of Jenny McCarthy as she spearheads the fight against autism and unsafe childhood vaccinations, but he’s clearly the same guy he always was.

Jim put on Jenny’s bikini for a paparazzi-friendly stroll in Malibu this week.

Cute.

[Image via Splash]

As divorce rumors swirl, Guy Ritchie and Madonna take their clan to the Kabbalah center in NYC together. Madonna’s not in this particular photo, but she was there with Guy.

You know, if those divorce rumors are true, I have to give Madonna and Guy credit for obviously working really hard to try to make their marriage work.

And I’m back!

You know, sometimes even gossip bloggers need a couple of days off, especially gossip bloggers with ouchy feet, and I’m really glad I just got to take some time to sleep and relax.

Thank you guys for not being assholes about the brief lapse in material.

Here’s what you missed while I was gone:

• Peter Cook on Christie Brinkley’s divorce testimony: “Shrek was more believable!” [People]
• Mandy Moore’s boyfriend dumped her because of her paparazzi hangers-on, muttering something about needing to stay “punk as fuck AND sober.” [Perez]
• Lynda Carter, now 10 years sober, opened up about her battle with alcoholism. [People]
• Amy Winehouse played a gig in Spain with her wine glass in hand. EVERYTHING IS TOTALLY FINE. [Yahoo]
• A cure for Herpes? May be coming soon. Paris Hilton rejoices. [Jezebel]
• A male employee of Rachael Ray says he lost his job on her show because of his anorexia, and now he’s hungry for revenge. He’s suing her. [E!]

America!

Fuck yeah!

Unless Angelina Jolie decides to give birth to the Lords of the New World Order on Friday, I’ll see you guys on Saturday. I’ll be celebrating my country’s independence on Friday. And by “celebrating my country’s independence” I of course mean “drinking.”

As I was heading out to the ER, my wonderful friend Laura called and told me to go to a podiatrist instead. I called a nearby one, explained my situation, and they said they could get me in today. Which they did. It was a very fancy office with very fancy X-ray equipment and I have a very fancy broken foot. And now I am wearing this very fancy monstrosity.

As my mother pointed out to me while I was whimpering to her on my drive home from the doctor (”Mom, this is not fashion-forward!”), this is my very first real injury. Hooray! I popped my bone-injury cherry! Up next: anal sex!

This means I can no longer do my boot camp or my volleyball or all the new exercise stuff that I was finally getting into. My mom’s like, “God always has a plan with these things,” and I was like, “Yes, Mom, God has made it very clear that he does not want me to exercise.” I am destined to marry a man who likes his women a little soft in the tummy. So long, Greg Plitt fantasy.

Anyway, if you’re still reading this, you really shouldn’t be. Get out and enjoy your long weekend. That’s what I’m going to hobble off and do!

Sources say that Megan Fox has ended her engagement to Brian Austin Green.

Who could have seen that coming?

Oh, right. Everybody.

I’m not sure yet if Megan is totally single or if she’s just called off the wedding plans, but no doubt it occurred to her at some point that she’s a super-hot up-and-coming starlet and he’s Brian Austin Green. Yeah.