Anne Hathaway probably wishes she could just fly away.

As her ex-boyfriend’s legal troubles mount, and it looks more likely that Anne will have to testify at his trial, Anne hit up Rome for the premiere of Get Smart (aka Agente Smart, apparently, which is a total downgrade from Mexico’s Super Agente 86) sporting the winged eyeliner look. We haven’t seen it on a lot of celebs lately.

What do you guys think? Good or bad look for Anne?

Dude, will Drew Barrymore never find ever-lasting love?

I want it for her so, so badly.

I feel like we all have a lot riding on this. I feel like Drew is a mirror of myself. Like, if Drew Barrymore can find true love, maybe I have a chance. If she keeps breaking up with dudes time and time again, I am totally fucked. And not in the good we’ll-cuddle-and-name-our-unborn-children-afterwards kind of way. Just fucked.

Anyway, Drew’s rep confirmed that she and Justin Long have entered splitsville, although she didn’t give a reason for it. The two met on the set of He’s Just Not That Into You, which I think was the initial problem with the relationship. They should never have made a movie out of that book. I said that all along. It’s like heresy. Now everyone involved is doomed.

Everything this woman does is hilarious. Like, every sentence is pure comedic gold. I want her to be my tutor. I want to be like her one day.

Here’s her take on Living Lohan.

I know, I know. It’s all I think about, too.

Alisan Porter is singing — and not badly, actually. In fact, if I’m being honest, she’s singing very, very well. Here’s a YouTube clip. She’s got a band called the Alisan Porter Project, and the MySpace is here. Here’s a YouTube clip of her singing, too.

How is that Ali Fucking Lohan is all over TV and soon-to-be all over radio, and this chick gets no attention?

I’m going to write about Alisan Porter once weekly from now on. Because I really dig this, and she should be famouser.

Whatever little fall-outs Madonna and Britney may have had in the past, it looks like they’ve patched things up. Either that or Madonna still knows how to keep herself relevant. I mean, if this whole divorce thing doesn’t pan out, she’s gonna need another way to stay in the spotlight, and having Britney Spears film a video segment for her new tour is one way to do that.

“Britney is going to film something for Madonna’s show in the next week or so,” says Madonna’s rep.

Eh, I’ll just watch it on the Internet. I’ve seen a Madonna show before. It cost $200, started two hours late and they stopped serving alcohol halfway through. No desire to endure that again.

Here’s Corey Haim, back to destroying his life by using drugs.

Some days, I feel like half of the shit I post on here is just another reminder of why drugs and excessive drinking are very bad things. Forget about DARE — kids should just read Evil Beet!

Can we work on getting that into the elementary school curriculum?

The pink hair was pretty cool, but it looked like shit as it started to fade.

Now Lily’s like me: a brunette!

Cute!

Also, Lily’s reportedly back on with her former flame Ed Simons.