Ryan Seacrest Bit by a Shark Tragically Survives

July 28th, 2008 by Evil Beet


I’m going to leave it as an exercise for the reader to determine where the commas go in the above header.

Ryan Seacrest got bit by a shark while swimming in the ocean this weekend. “He took a bite, and he left,” said Ryan on his radio show this morning. He said he later found one of the shark’s teeth in him. “It was like finding a splinter!”

You know this is all a total cover-up. Ryan’s sex party got a little out-of-hand Saturday night, and he needed to explain away the strange bite marks. And he didn’t find a shark tooth inside him so much as a giant penis, probably.


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11 Responses to “Ryan Seacrest Bit by a Shark Tragically Survives”

  1. Ariana says:

    Ryan Seacrest Bit By Shark; Tragically, Survives.

  2. Kaby says:

    I for one am not surprised
    that the shark let go.

  3. ribbet says:

    i bet the poor shark had a really bad taste in its mouth for the remainder of the day. poor thing.

  4. Neech says:

    Ryan Seacrest, bit by a shark, tragically survives

    1337

  5. Shan says:

    Was he wearing a Fonzie jacket and trying to jump over the shark? I can see that picture quite clearly in my mind.

  6. happygirrrl says:

    You know why sharks won’t eat clowns?

    They taste funny!

  7. Kelso says:

    Hahaha, you’re totally right. I bet this guys real freaky.

  8. Me says:

    You know, you guys are mean. I’m not crazy about Seacrest, but I’m glad he survived.

  9. CoCo says:

    That shark has good taste!!! I bet it’s like biting into a hot fudge sundae! No wonder the shark bit Ryan….

  10. Cynthia says:

    That is a horrendous thing to say about someone – anyone. Bitten by a shark and tragically survives. Did you say that you’re a journalist or just a royal bitch. And do not alude to Ryan’s sexuality in that fashion. You have NO idea what it is that you are accusing him of? Ever have a rectum exam? Was that fun for you? Go to helifax.

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