Well, Leo and I are safely in NYC, checked into our gorgeous hotel room in Chelsea, where Leo promptly pooped in front of the bellhop and then knocked his food bowl all over the room. I was like, “Uh, he’s not normally like this …” He was pretty quiet on the plane flight but I think the whole thing has been stressful for him. Maybe he just misses the cats, ha ha!

Anyway I was thrilled to find this clip of Alanis Morissette on Howard Stern. She won’t go so far as to actually talk shit about Ryan Reynolds, but there’s certainly the implication that she thinks he’s a worthless piece of shit. You know, I kind of like how this whole thing has really knocked Alanis down a peg. I was getting really sick of her whole “I’m so spiritual and life is beautiful and don’t you wish you were this spiritual?” act. She admits herself in this interview that the whole thing worked great in philosophy but not so hot in practice. But she’s much easier to listen to in interviews now that she seems to have realized that she’s every bit as human as anybody else.

And we’re off!

Leo and I are leaving early Sunday morning for our big trip to NYC. Leo in the City! It’s Leo’s first plane flight, and he’s very excited. He’s been running around the house all day barking to the cats about it. They are less excited, although they are delighted that they’ll have the house to themselves for a few days, without Leo’s face in their asses at all times.

I went to Petco today to get Leo a special travel carrier, and they had these adorable doggy shirts for Fourth of July. So now Leo has a new shirt that says “American Born and Bred” and he is going to wear it for the Fourth whether he likes it or not (note: he will not like it).

Anyway posting will be non-existent on Sunday, but I’ll be back for late-night Sunday and back full-time on Monday.

It has nothing to do with celebrity gossip, but it’s a good way to spend three minutes of your Saturday.

Thanks Kelsey!

This is the third event I’ve seen these two canoodling at, so I’m gonna go ahead and assume there’s something going on there.

This is Luke Worrall, who’s apparently an up-and-coming model on the London scene, and possibly also up-and-coming on the Kelly Osbourne scene. And by “scene” I of course mean “vagina.”

That is how far I got into this interview Michael Lohan did on Chelsea Handler’s show before the nausea and fury got to be too much.

Can you beat my time?

I think he’s wearing a SCRAM bracelet, too. Chelsea mentions there’s something in his sock at the beginning of the interview and he gets all weird about it and she changes the subject.

God, he’s just so despicable in so many ways. Normally I love that Chelsea is so kind to all her interviewees, but this time it just pissed me off. I wanted to be like “CHEW INTO HIM, CHELSEA! I KNOW YOU CAN DO IT!”

Oh, and another fun fact: in his formal “statement” announcing that he may have another child, Michael refers to the baby-mama as “Christie.” Her name is actually spelled “Kristi.” Which, like, okay, it’s been awhile since you’ve fucked her and all, but if you’re currently going through a paternity battle (as you claim you are), wouldn’t you have seen her name written more recently?

Michael Lohan, you’re an idiot.

My sincerest congratulations and admirations go out to Ms. Amy Winehouse, who has officially reached that elusive pinnacle of any young starlet’s career where news outlets feel compelled to write entire articles on how she was not high at a performance.

About Amy’s performance at Nelson Mandela’s 90th birthday celebration:

After a short struggle to adjust her microphone, Winehouse kicked off the set with “Rehab.” The song’s lack of slurred lyrics and nonshortness of breath combined with particularly effusive backup dancers resulted in major crowd love for the singer, who curtsied and twirled for the fans before next launching straight into “Valerie,” a cover of the Zutons hit she performed on Mark Ronson’s Version.

Remarkably, she left the stage after the two tunes without incident.

Holy shit, hold the presses!

Amy Winehouse — ahem, recent Grammy winner Amy Winehouse — sang two entire songs — in public! — without a visible needle dangling from her arm. IT’S NEWS, PEOPLE!

In things-that-actually-matter news, the concert, which also included performances by Josh Groban, Leona Lewis, Queen, Annie Lennox, Stephen Fry, Quincy Jones and Lewis Hamilton (All of whom may or may not have been high! I can’t be sure! No one’s written an article about it either way!), raised funds for Nelson Mandela’s HIV/AIDS charity, which is very awesomely called 46664. That was his prison number during the twenty-seven years he spent in prison for the “crimes” he committed during his fight against apartheid. Very awesome indeed. You can learn more about 46664 and donate to the cause here.

Despite his earlier claim that he checked into rehab for a foot injury (which you will not find reported on this website, because, unlike CNN, I do the level of fact-checking required to determine that no one goes to fucking rehab because their fucking foot hurts), Steven Tyler is now admitting that he in fact went to rehab to deal with the pill addiction he developed following his foot surgery.

“To have your feet done, to have your leg done, you have to be on narcotics,” Tyler told The Associated Press on Friday. “You have to be on sleep aids at night. I don’t know about Joe (Perry) but I was off and running and I didn’t like the me that was me … This was a month ago, so I just put the brakes on and checked into detox and just pulled the plug on all of it.”

Eh, good for you, Steven. I actually applaud you for dealing with the problem before it got out of hand. So I’m going to give you a limited amount of shit for bothering to lie in the first place. I’m glad you’re doing better now.