Kathy Griffin Says She Never Let Steve Wozniak Put It In Her
June 24th, 2008 by Evil Beet
“We were dating,” says Kathy about her relationship with billionaire Steve Wozniak, “but were just friendly. I never fucked him or anything! The truth is, we really were friends the whole time.”
Aw, Steve Wozniak looks like such a sweet little teddy bear, but, I have to admit, even for a shot at his billions, I probably wouldn’t have let him toss it in, either. He just doesn’t do it for me, ya know? I think it’s the fact that he actually looks like a teddy bear. Beady little eyes, fuzzy face, all of that. I mean, everyone loves their teddy bear, but no one wants to have sex with it. Unless you were one of those girls that grew up using their stuffed animals to masturbate. I knew a lot of chicks who did that. It never stopped striking me as strange, and I just think it explains a lot about their problems as adults.
What was I talking about? Certainly nothing more important than a discussion of using stuffed animals for masturbation …
Oh, right, Kathy Griffin.
“When we went to the Emmys together, I put on this really huge engagement ring and didn’t tell him,” she said. “There are these great photos of me posing with this great big fake diamond ring. He didn’t notice! I was like, ‘Oh, by the way at the Emmys, I had on a fake engagement ring!’ And he was like, ‘Oh, that’s very funny.’”
After Kathy and Steve split up, he got engaged to another chick. “I have had dinner with them, and she’s a thousand times more appropriate!” she said. “I hate to say it, but in the Bruce, Demi, Ashton [scheme of things], I’m the Bruce!”
I don’t know what that means. Is she saying that Ashton Kutcher is more appropriate for Demi Moore than Bruce Willis? Or is she saying that Steve’s new squeeze is like 26 years old?
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June 24th, 2008 at 11:14 pm
EB be honest all it takes is some In & Out Burger.
June 24th, 2008 at 11:28 pm
Sometimes even a billion dollars just isn’t enough.
June 24th, 2008 at 11:31 pm
All he’s missing are 2 straws coming out of his nose and he’d be the perfect walrus.
June 25th, 2008 at 6:56 am
i took kathy’s remark as she’s the old hat of the bunch and he went for a younger lady after their breakup.
June 25th, 2008 at 7:19 am
He seems like a nice man but I still wouldn’t use him for mastubating.
June 25th, 2008 at 8:54 am
I bet she hit that. And Steve’s so nice, he just let her talk shit about him.
June 25th, 2008 at 11:03 am
If my stuffed animals looked like him, my teen years would have been different.
June 25th, 2008 at 12:02 pm
maybe i’m just stupid, but how does one use a stuffed animal to masturbate?
June 25th, 2008 at 1:25 pm
by the whole bruce thing, she means she’s the ex who remains on friendly terms
June 25th, 2008 at 6:12 pm
@kitty- i was going to ask the same thing. and i thought i had been around.
June 26th, 2008 at 3:03 am
not all pleasure comes from putting something inside you. think how some lesbians get off..by rubbing against each other’s “fuzzy areas”.. likewise you could do that with a fuzzy teddy bear i guess lol.
July 19th, 2008 at 3:43 pm
lesbians don’t get off by rubbing anything fuzzy against anything. Fingers, vibrators, dildos, etc. They’re here 4 us lesbos. As far as masturbation with a stuffed animal, no idea…
August 7th, 2008 at 7:55 pm
the Bruce remark means they’re still close friends even tho they broke up and he’s now engaged. as in how Bruce Willis would still hang out with Demi and Ashton and their kids after they split.
August 7th, 2008 at 8:59 pm
I’m relieved to know that Kathy didn’t let him get it. I tried to picture it and got ill…
August 11th, 2008 at 1:28 pm
The whole Woz / Kathy “relationship” was strictly gimmick. They were never really together. I don’t know why no one has figured this out yet.
Woz gets a little free publicity for Apple (I know he doesn’t work for Apple anymore but it helps his shares grow). And Kathy gets people like us gossiping about her gimmick-driven life on message boards which = better chance at ticket sales and ad dollars for her TV shows.
September 14th, 2008 at 6:02 pm
@Dollars
Sort of like finding a couple old banged up trash cans, bolting them together and actually having some kind of useful invention. Perhaps Dr. Homer Simpsons’s Spino-Cylinder.
Next she’ll get engaged to another unpopular female comedian, my guess is Wanda Sykes.