We’re starting to hear rumors that Brad and Angelina will get married on Paul Allen’s yacht in France, sometime very soon.

But, ya know, we always hear these kinds of rumors.

Stay tuned.

Here’s Brad with little Pax Thien — whose hair is getting rather long — playing on the beach in France.

Damn, Brad, if you have to be all the way in France, the least you could do is go to a nude beach to have your picture taken.

[Image via Splash]

“You don’t know how many people came up to me when I was making the movie and said, ‘So is somebody going to die?’ Yup. Happy summer. Thanks for your $10. Enjoy your Diet Coke. Someone’s going to die. Like that’s what I’m going to do.”

Michael Patrick King, the writer and director of the Sex and the City movie, to the New York Times.

The whole interview’s worth a read. It’s here.

OMG.

So much to talk about in this photo.

First, the basics: Bai Ling totally wiped out in the ocean after kayaking at Pink’s house.

Mystery #1: What was Bai Ling doing at Pink’s house? And kayaking?

Then, she was pulled from the water by her boyfriend, music producer Damon Elliott (this is Dionne Warwick’s son).

Mystery #2: So she’s back with Damon Elliott? She blamed her February shoplifting arrest at LAX on her break-up from him, saying that it had her all stressed out. When I get dumped, I usually shoplift, too. But I shoplift from the guy, not the airport. Like, I have an insane amount of T-shirts, sweaters, CDs, keychains and, ya know, twenty-dollar bills I took from guys when I was just “swinging by to pick up the rest of my stuff.” It makes me feel better. Like: “So what, you like that fucking 19-year-old size zero better than you like me? I don’t care. I know you’re all totally in love and getting teenage pussy all the time now and you’re happy as a clam but guess what motherfucker? I stole your Nine Inch Nails concert tee! Take that, fuckwad!” God, I’m so indescribably pathetic. Actually, I think I just did a really good job of describing how pathetic I am.

And the biggest mystery of all: are those pubes or a tattoo sticking out from her suit? I zoomed this picture in as close as I could, and I still wasn’t sure. I need opinions from you guys.

[Image via Splash]

Abercrombie & Fitch shorts? Walmart bag? Yup, someone’s been in Louisiana.

Here’s Britney boarding a private plane in Mississippi, heading back to LA after spending the weekend in Kentwood at her little sister’s baby shower.

This gives me even more hope that Britney will be showing up, in person and sober, to her custody hearing on Tuesday. Oh please, please be there, Britney!

I was walking Leo this afternoon with a girlfriend, and she was telling me about how her eight-year-old niece has a birthday next week, so she called her up to ask her what she wanted. And the eight-year-old was like, “A gift certificate.” And my friend was like, “Um … okay. To where?” And she was like “Abercrombie & Fitch.” Which is so amazing to me, because when I was eight years old I wanted, like, a pony that could sing and Rollerblades. The only brand I knew was Hypercolor. Kids are so much more mature these days. And by “mature” I of course mean “brainwashed by the media.” I swear by the time I have a kid it’s gonna come out of my vagina demanding Fendi diapers. And it’s gonna be, like, pissed if it’s not born at Cedars-Sinai, because that’s where all the cool babies are born.

[Image via Splash]

After spending last weekend cuddling with John Mayer all over Miami, Jennifer Aniston spent this weekend a little more low-key, chilling with friends by the pool at her hotel.

Homegirl sure is looking good these days. I like Jen because her body is natural, womanly and not stick-thin, but by no means fat. She doesn’t seem interested in starving herself, she’s just content to look like, ya know, a healthy adult woman.

[Image via Splash]

Nah, just kidding. But if they did, this is what MadTV imagines it would look like.

I laughed through the whole thing.