Everyone’s in on This Paris/Benji Prank
April 15th, 2008 by Evil Beet
I refuse to believe this is real. I simply refuse.
But now even the Hilton parents are playing along.
Yes, we’re back to Robin Leach’s blog, which you really must check out. It’s a true paragon of Internet design work. And by that I mean he has not done a thing to change the default WordPress theme. Sexy! Seriously, like, if my grandfather decided to create a blog, it would have more bells and whistles than Robin Leach’s. In fact, my grandfather is probably younger than Robin Leach. Okay, look: if my five-year-old cousin decided to create a blog, she’d do a better job at the design than Robin Leach.
But I digress.
“He’s the perfect example of ‘don’t judge a book by its cover’,” says Papa Rick Hilton. “He’s polite, well-mannered—even calls me sir! We love him like family already. Benji doesn’t drink, doesn’t smoke and is a healthy vegan!”
Says Kathy: “He’s changed her life—and I really think she’s genuinely in love for the first time. He’s so good to her and for her. We couldn’t be happier for them. This has honestly become the real thing … Since they’ve been together Paris has changed so much. She’s calmed, stopped running and now has a very real purpose—and it’s beautiful to see two wonderful people so perfect together. It’s a great love match and I have a funny feeling it’s going to go all the way and we’ve already given it our approval!”
Jesus Christ, this can’t be for real. If Paris Fucking Hilton can find true love and I’m still single, I’m just going to adopt eight more cats and give the fuck up on romance. The universe hates me.
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April 15th, 2008 at 5:29 pm
Would you want to date a looser like that, Beet?
April 15th, 2008 at 6:24 pm
Exactly, I mean, look at what she’s settled for!!! It’s better to be single.
April 15th, 2008 at 7:04 pm
i think he’s cute. he is too good for her loose pussy
April 15th, 2008 at 10:49 pm
I don’t believe this too. It is said Pairs met her boyfriend on a dating site called meetingwealthy.c o m. Her sexy photos and profile are found there.
April 15th, 2008 at 11:21 pm
its nonsense. she’s had her fifteen minutes of fame and now she needs to fill the void. i give it 2 years max.
but yeah - stop dreaming about perfection & go find a real boyfriend! it would make you happy
April 16th, 2008 at 5:35 am
i call b.s. on the whole thing. no worries, beet!
April 16th, 2008 at 5:42 am
very sad 4 them…………
April 16th, 2008 at 8:19 am
This won’t last. Just wait until the day he tells her “no”.
April 16th, 2008 at 10:20 am
paris hilton aint fit 1 bit
April 16th, 2008 at 10:38 am
Benji doesn’t smoke, drink, or do drugs? He’s a vegan. And he’s banging Paris Hilton. Somebody punked him in his copy of the rockstar handbook.
Speaking of cats and all, did you take the Beet menagerie with you on your therapeutic road trip?
April 16th, 2008 at 11:16 am
No, the Beet menagerie is still living in Arizona with my father, apparently relieving themselves on the floor in retaliation for me not being around. (Text from Dad: “Your cats pooped 3 times on your bedroom floor last night. Any suggestions?”)
I want to have them shipped out to Seattle but I’m afraid a plane flight is unhealthy for cats … any thoughts?
April 16th, 2008 at 2:26 pm
How long will you be gone?
Just put the litterbox in there, hm?? You can deal with the stench later.
April 16th, 2008 at 4:42 pm
Most airlines actually have special programs for shipping pets. It seems safe and there are attendants to look after them. The only negative is that the cargo area isn’t heated, but I’m thinking that may not be a problem in Arizona.
Also, this is from my research with Canadian airlines, so it may be a different story. Call ‘em up and ask ‘em for the details. It sucks to be away from your pets!
April 16th, 2008 at 5:23 pm
Cargo area? Poor kitty cats. Can’t they put ‘em under some people or something? Or better, let ‘em stay with Granpa and shit all over the floor. They might be better off.
April 16th, 2008 at 6:00 pm
Beet my dog was shipped from arizona to new york and hes was fine, he was a puppy and they took good care of him
April 17th, 2008 at 1:50 am
my asthmatic wookie cat flew from boston to arizona in the belly of a plane with two parrots and lived to bitch about it.
May 20th, 2008 at 7:23 pm
i cant belive your all on her side ..shes just a drama queen ..benji madden is the best guy any girl could have ..and shes just playin on the punk rock side …what a frickin poser
August 22nd, 2008 at 1:16 pm
seriously, shut the fuck up… all of you. benji has been in the music business for ten years, making way more money you fuckers will ever see in your life time. She is someone who never did anything with her life except spend her daddy’s money. He deserves way better so shut your fucking mouths. SHE IS A WHORE WHO WAS IN A FUCKING SEX TAPE
November 23rd, 2008 at 10:11 pm
it’s amazing that Paris and Benji lasted as long as they did