Everyone, meet Charlie.

Charlie, meet everyone.

Charlie is my new baby Shih-Tzu!!! He’s 8 weeks old and I just adopted him today, which is why I was a little late picking up on the Brangie wedding news. Some things are even more important than a Brangelina marriage. Hard to believe, but true.

He’s the absolute sweetest, cutest puppy on the planet!!! He’s smaller than all my cats and he likes playing with all their toys more than they do. Now I just have to train him to use their litter box and all will be well. My cats just kind of stare at him like, “What is that thing?” My boy cat is probably five times larger than Charlie (my boy cat is very fat) but he’s scared to death of him. I’m going to buy an obnoxious, huge Louis Vuitton dog carrier and take him everywhere with me. Yay!

Charlie just found a pair of my pink underwear on the floor and has been rubbing his face in them for the better part of five minutes, so he’s pretty much no different from any of the other men I’ve had in my life. I think I can handle this.

I’ve had cats all my life, but this is my first puppy, so I’m open to advice!!!

Surprise, surprise.

Miley Cyrus was voted as both Favorite TV Actress and Favorite Female Singer at the Nickelodeon Kids Choice Awards on Saturday night.

What the fuck? How did she not win for Favorite Jesus Freak? Miley was robbed!

For a full list of the (totally predictable) winners, click here.

Star magazine is reporting that Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie were married on Saturday afternoon in New Orleans.

If it’s true, it’s all you’re going to be hearing about all week.

And everyone’s still reporting that Angie’s expecting twins.

She sure is busting her butt trying to promote this little clothing line of hers.

Here she is in Canada, where her line will be sold at Holt Renfrew.

These don’t look all that special to me.

It’s here.

She registered with Babies ‘R’ Us.

And before you get any ideas, yeah, someone already bought her the rectal thermometer.

Her due date is apparently July 10.

Okay, this is pretty hilarious.

Check out this clip of recovering meth-head/former child star Natasha Lyonne watching herself as a child on the Pee Wee Herman Show. Honestly, you just have to watch the whole thing. It’s so fucking funny. She’s like “Too bad I was a damn dirty hippie,” responding to the way they dressed her on the show. And she says — and I can’t tell if she’s joking or not — that she and Paul Reubens once kinda-sorta fucked doggy style.

I love this girl, meth-head or not.

The clip she’s responding to is after the jump.

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PS — Sorry for all the downtime on Friday, and the lack of posting. We’re still having technical issues, and, I promise, we’re still working on them. We’re even going to HIRE someone to work on them! Look, Ma! I have an IT department!

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You know, normally I take a pretty cynical eye toward celebrity life. I know most of it’s bullshit. I get that. I understand that these are real people with real emotions and real lives, and they all have pain and heartbreak and sadness and rough nights just like you and me, and I understand that, in many cases, money and fame only worsen the problem. I understand that most of these lives are not in any way enviable.

But Gisele?

Fuck Gisele.

Gisele lives in this magical little world where she’s forever gorgeous and delighted and weightless and beloved and NFL quarterbacks leave their pregnant girlfriends when she demonstrates even the tiniest bit of interest and any speck of sadness that might accidentally fall within 20 yards of her life is quickly ushered away by the ever-vigilant Gisele Bundchen Happiness Fairies.

Fuck Gisele.

I brought this up a couple weeks ago, and you guys disagreed, but I’m sticking to my guns. This new set of pictures has me even more convinced.

Mena normally has respectable fashion sense, but lately she’s been rocking these outfits that there is no earthly reason to wear if you’re not trying to hide a little baby bump. And look at the way Simone’s touching her. That’s the way you touch your pregnant girlfriend.

She’s knocked up, you guys.