Or does he?

Fly-zipping is such a menial task for such a big celebrity. Adrian, you shouldn’t have to invest precious time and energy into making sure your fly is zipped at all times.

Here, I have a good idea: how about you put someone else in charge of your pants zipper?

How about I be that person?

In fact, why don’t I just be the person in charge of all activities related to your penis?

You won’t be disappointed, Adrian! Call me and we’ll discuss the details.

R&B artist Mario — who will be appearing on the upcoming season of Dancing with the Stars — launches his Do Right Foundation.

Mario was raised by a drug-addicted mother, and it looks like he’s trying to reach out to help kids who face the same struggle. From the foundation’s website:

Mario’s Do Right Foundation was established to educate and inspire youth adversely affected by drug abuse in the home and young people in under resourced communities through programs and partnerships. Mario is committed to helping young people in this environment through the difficult times. Through programs, partnerships, events and fundraisers Mario and Mario’s Do Right Foundation will raise awareness and provide positive alternatives for young people impacted by drug abuse in the home.

The foundation’s tagline is “Act Out of Choice, Not Out of Habit,” and I think that’s a pretty cool message to send to these kids.

Props to this dude for using his powers for good.

I mean, not that there’s anything wrong with that.

Either Melissa chose motherhood over career because she wanted to, or she chose motherhood over career because career didn’t give her much of a choice. Since Sabrina wrapped, she’s done a few guest spots and ill-fated films, but these days we pretty much only talk about her when she’s having a kid.

So, ya know, she did that.

Melissa and her hubby Mark Wilkerson welcomed their second child on Wednesday. Son Braydon Hart Wilkerson is happy and healthy.

Congrats, you two!

There don’t seem to be any new pics of Britney today, but there are reports that her mother visited her in her trailer on the set of How I Met Your Mother, which has seen more publicity in the past three days than during the rest of its run combined. This is probably a large portion of the reason that star Josh Radnor is giving soundbites like this one:

“It pains me to report that on the first day of the shoot, Britney knew her lines better than I knew mine. She’s been great to work with.”

This may be true, because, as I understand it, Britney has a very small role on the show. She’s probably only got a handful of lines anyway. And this is, like, the only thing she’s had to do in many months. So, yeah, good for you, Brit.

Also, via Defamer, a report from a source on the Fox lot:

Saw That Chick Who Used To Be Married To K-Fed on the Fox lot today for her How I Met Your Mother guest spot.

Smoking like a chimney, and cup of coffee in hand. Girl cleaned up nice for TV. They had her in this kind of flowery blue/turquoise dress, and a pair of glasses. Granted, she’s nowhere near the level of sexy she once was, but compared to what we’ve seen of her lately, she was looking pretty damn cute. Come to think of it, she kinda looked eerily like every picture I ever saw of (pre-preggo) Jamie Lynn.

So there you have it. I’ve done my Britney coverage for the day.

She may be a fashion-school drop-out, but that’s not gonna stop Heidi Montag from releasing a fashion line. Being totally unqualified has never stopped Heidi Montag from doing anything at all.

From what I can tell, the line’s going to be a lot like Lauren’s, except totally devoid of fashion and class.

You know how I know that?

It’s being sold exclusively in Anchor Blue stores.

The collection is designed to cater to girls between the ages of 16 and 21, with pieces such as brightly colored cotton jersey dresses, graphic tees, oversize handbags, evening clutches and gold, silver and zebra print jewelry.

The line is slated to launch in Anchor Blue stores Apr. 15, with items priced between $10 and $60.

Zebra-print jewelry? Jersey dresses? Oversize handbags? I’m overwhelmed by the creativity.

I really can’t wait to see the graphic tees. I hope they have fun, creative, witty, in-your-face slogans on them. I hope they say things like “Bitch” and “Princess” and “Math Sucks” and “I Like Boys” and “College Educations Are Overrated” and all the rest of the messages we so desperately need the young women of this nation’s middle class to identify with. Oh, I hope so.

Arrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrgh.

So Joe “Rapist” Francis got out of jail in Reno, then schlepped his ass across the country to Florida to face charges for filming girls he fully knew were underage.

He opted to plead guilty to the charges, and the judge in Florida sentenced him to time served, plus six months of probation and told little Joey he couldn’t film in that county for the next three years.

Yeah, that’s “county,” not “country,” and that’s a damn shame.

If I were a Presidential candidate right now, I’d make my campaign platform very clear and simple: If you elect me, I will ban Joe Francis from the United States of America forever. Are you listening to me, Hillary? Barack? John? I think this is something we can all agree to, without seeing partisan politics get in the way. It’s a platform the entire nation can unite behind. You want change for this country? New hope? Unity? LET’S PASS A BILL THAT BANS JOE FRANCIS. From there, we can rebuild.

Here’s Kate at the red carpet premiere of 21 in Vegas.

Her body looks amazing these days. She’s put those pro-ana years far behind her, and she looks fit, healthy and trim.

The outfit?

I’ll let you guys weigh in on that.