David Letterman dedicated five-and-a-half minutes of his opening monologue to Elliot Spitzer, including a call for his resignation. Check out the video above.
In addition, the Top Ten list was “Top Ten Messages Left on Elliot Spitzer’s Answering Machine.” That clip is after the jump.
Donald and Melania took little Barron — who turns two on March 20 — to a fundraising event for the Memorial Sloan-Kettering Cancer Center in Midtown.
This is one seriously adorable child. The Donald must be pissed that another ultra-wealthy Barron — cough cough — went and got himself a DUI, proving that no matter what an absurdly elitist name you choose to award your child, you can’t stop him from eventually behaving like a human being.
Meanwhile, on the Upper West Side, Barron’s 30-year-old half-brother Donald Jr took wife Vanessa to the American Museum of Natural History’s Winter Dance, where they were joined by Anne Hathaway, Tinsley Mortimer, Jessica Stam, Amanda Hearst, Ralph Lauren, Thom Filicia, and other people who you might imagine attend any manner of “Winter Dance” after the eighth grade. I don’t even think I attended the winter dance in eighth grade. I had my parents drop me off, then promptly went behind the school to get high while I let my boyfriend get to third base. Because even at age thirteen I understood that I was way too cool for anything called a Winter Dance. Apparently these folks never got the memo.
Paris and Benji hit up LA Fashion Week events after spending the day together at a spa in WeHo.
Seriously?
He looks like a Blues Brother.
You know Paris is not having sex with him. I’m sorry, call her a slut all you want, I guaran-fucking-tee you this chick does not go home at the end of the night and spread her legs for this dude. It just doesn’t happen.
Yeah, you read that right.
That Billy Crystal.
Those Yankees.
The New York Yankees have signed Crystal to a one-day minor league contract, and he’ll play in Thursday’s exhibition game against the Pittsburgh Pirates.
He’ll wear the number 60, as the game will take place a day before his 60th birthday.
“I’ve been waiting 50 years for this call,” Crystal said in a statement released by the team. “I’m overwhelmed by the generosity of the Yankees and commissioner Selig. I know this’ll be tougher than the Broadway Softball League, but I’m looking forward to helping the younger players, which by the way is all of them. Oops, I have to go, Scott Boras* is on the phone.”
* I imagine that most of the readers of this blog will, much like me, not understand what’s funny about that. Scott Boras, it turns out, is some hot-spot sports agent that reps a bunch of hot-shot baseball players. Ha ha.
I’m engaging in my typical afternoon activity — flipping through paparazzi pics while eating Honey Nut Cheerios — and I come across these shots of Papa Lohan and his girlfriend Erin and I’m like, “Ooh! New pics of Erin! Yay!” And then I’m like, “Oh, God, did I really just think that?” This girl is like three steps removed from genuine celebrity. And yet, somehow, I care. I guess that’s why this is my job, right?
Little is known about the elusive Erin — she’s an insurance agent and a licensed esthetician (fancy-speak for “manicurist”), and the two met at a Long Island coffee bar, where they were both talking to the same pastor. Wow. Maybe that’s how I need to land a guy: talk to more pastors in coffee bars.
People like to talk a lot of shit about how Erin looks really young and looks just like Lindsay, but I call bullshit on all that. She looks much older than 21, and she doesn’t look a thing like Lindsay.
Okay. Back to my exciting life of Honey Nut Cheerios.
Since the regular doses of Lexapro and Ativan make it impossible for her to actually express emotion on her face, Britney’s found another way to be animated: her next video will be a cartoon.
Oh, genius, genius, genius!
The video for “Break the Ice” will be set in a futuristic world, with cartoon Britney depicted as some manner of superhero.
Sources say the cartoon video was Britney’s own idea, and I totally believe that. Her label probably woke her from her slumber with a 2 pm phone call all like, “Hey, Britney, you ready to discuss ideas for your next video?” and she was all like, “Yeah, here’s an idea: how about I’m not fucking in it. SOMEBODY BRING ME ANOTHER UNISOM!” and now her label’s all like, “Uh, Britney suggested we do a cartoon.”
Ahhhhhhhhhhh ha ha ha ha ha.
Anyway, enjoy some of the stills from the video.
Normally I’m not super impressed with PETA or their tactics, but this is one of those I-wish-I’d-thought-of-it-first campaigns.
PETA scored Jenna Jameson to star in their new Pleather Yourself campaign — the goal being, of course, to get people to move away from leather and towards pleather.
I swear Jenna is wearing butt padding in this photo. And her hair extensions now have their very own hair extensions. Seriously Jenna Jameson could wipe her padded little butt with those extensions. She looks pretty good, though, considering what she’s been looking like over the past year.
Here’s what I do:
When I’m dating some dude, and he’s all texting me like “Send me a picture of your pussy, baby,” I begin by sending him photos of my cats. Sometimes I dress up the cats to make them special for him; I put hats on them or scarves or necklaces or something. And I send it back with a little message like “My pussy is ready for you, hot stuff.”
And when he doesn’t find that funny, because he’s a total dirt-bag loser with no sense of humor because somehow that’s who I always end up dating, I send him the photos he’s looking for WITHOUT MY FACE IN THEM.
Why can no one else do this?
Sigh.
Someone’s shopping nude photos of Amanda Overmyer. Which, like, is cool and all, and I’m sure I’ll make a ton of money off them if they hit the web, but what I’m really looking for is the Brooke White nudes.
