OMG I HAVE TO TELL YOU GUYS MY RICK SCHRODER STORY!
Ooooooooh, I am going to get in such big trouble for this. Such big trouble.
But I have to tell it!
I came across this photo of Luke and Rick Schroder at the premiere of Leatherheads, and I was like, “Oh my God. It’s time. It’s time for the Rick Schroder story.”
OMG.
You guys ready?
Okay, so I’m like 16 years old, maybe 17. My best friend’s parents are having a dinner party, and my boyfriend and I go to hang out toward the end of the evening. One of the dinner party guests is Rick Schroder’s father. He’s a Born-Again Christian, and he is also trashed out of his gourd.
I’m Jewish. So is my best friend, and, consequently, her parents, the hosts of this party. This does not stop Rick Schroder’s father from going on an extensive, drunken rant about how we are all going to rot in hell for our failure to accept Jesus Christ as our Lord and Savior.
This is not the funny part, but it’s important that you have a clear mental image of this holier-than-thou character.
We keep talking, Rick Schroder’s dad keeps drinking. We’re all out on the patio of my best friend’s stunning home, a huge expanse overlooking the mountains in Paradise Valley. People are dressed up. Wine is being served in crystal glasses. It’s all very fancy, like the kind of environment in which you’d want to demonstrate some measure of class.
At some point, I mention that I don’t eat pork, as a part of the whole Kosher thing that’s going to result in my one-way ticket to Devil-land. This prompts Rick Schroder’s mother to turn to Rick Schroder’s father and say, “You should do your fried bacon impression.” And my best friend and I are like, “Excuse me?” And she’s like, “Oh, he does the best fried bacon impression.” And my best friend and I are, once again, like, “Excuse me?” This continues for awhile, until finally, Rick Schroder’s father agrees — without much encouragement from us — to do his impression of fried bacon. It’s the kind of thing you know can’t end well.
OMG.
It’s like 11:30 pm, and we’ve been lectured for HOURS about the importance of accepting Jesus into our little Jew-girl hearts.
And then Rick Schroder’s father stands up, walks to an open part of the patio, lies down flat on his stomach (wearing a suit!), and proceeds to shake his body up and down like he’s having a seizure. His arms are flailing. His legs are kicking. His stomach is rolling. This is, I suppose, sort of like what bacon looks like when it’s fried. The adults are delighted. They’re clapping, they’re excited, “Oh, how funny! Oh, it’s just like fried bacon!” And my best friend and I are just staring at each other, like, “Did that just actually happen? That could not have just actually happened.”
But it did. Oh, it did. And it’s one of the more scarring memories of my childhood.
And that, my friends, is the Rick Schroder story.
April 1st, 2008 at 12:07 am
HA HA HA HA. I like you, woman.
April 1st, 2008 at 2:05 am
Rick has always scared me. this is the icing on the cake. thank you.
April 1st, 2008 at 5:16 am
Rick is cool.
April 1st, 2008 at 6:24 am
wow…. scary stuff
April 1st, 2008 at 6:59 am
When did Rick father an orange?
April 1st, 2008 at 7:20 am
Not cool Beet, not cool.
April 1st, 2008 at 8:21 am
There’s nothing more scary than “true believers”! That’s why he’s such a stron Bush supporter…poor thing.
April 1st, 2008 at 8:35 am
I used to love Ricky, but he has not aged well, has he?
April 1st, 2008 at 8:58 am
he stole that from Dazed and Confused.
“Now fry like bacon, piggies. FRY! FRY! FRY!!!”
April 1st, 2008 at 12:07 pm
You are effing hilarious. I love you, Beet!
April 1st, 2008 at 5:52 pm
WOW!!! I hope I don’t offend any other born-agains who may visit this site, but they are fucking crazy! I was raised catholic and my sister has been a born-again Christian for about 5 years now. she lectures me about how I’m going to hell along with my husband and my daughter and how I should baptize her as a born again so she can have a fighting chance to go to heaven. She is batshit crazy! I think she and Daddy Schroder would get along just fine! That is a pretty awesome story… I can just imagine that man convulsing on the ground like a complete idiot… good times! You didn’t get that on a vid clip or anything, did you?
April 2nd, 2008 at 7:45 am
Before they lived wherever you lived, Rick Schroeder and his parents lived over my back fence! Before he got the part on ‘Silver Spoons’ and moved away, he went to my elementary school with my neighbor’s daughter. She’s about 8 years older than me, and said Ricky’s family were pretty impressed with themselves. My parents remember them a little- mom & dad are going to like your story!
April 3rd, 2008 at 2:10 am
Isn’t that really a Rick Schroeder’s dad story?
Just Kidding ya That’s some crazy shit. There’s nothing worse than someone who used to do something, but doesn’t anymore.
God-I used to have the biggest crush on him! WTF happened? Awwww, it’s sad.
And WHY did he act like fried bacon? Did you ever get an answer to that one?
April 3rd, 2008 at 9:37 am
who the fuck cares? you don’t have to say omg that many times cause 1) it’s fucking stupid to do and 2) this story desnw’t even qualify for one omg
April 3rd, 2008 at 3:21 pm
i completely agree with kat. that story was hyped up so much that i was expecting greatness- and then it sucked completely. it has nothing to do with rick schroeder so its not a “rick schroeder story.” i guess you had to be there?…
April 12th, 2008 at 1:36 pm
Personally, I LOVED your Rick Schroder story! Fried Bacon impression? Priceless!
April 14th, 2008 at 7:58 am
Also agree w/ at and WTF, Man. 1) it’s not a rick schroder story (and for all you now, Rick’s neither a born-again himself, nor supportive of his parents being in-your-face-rude-born-again’s either), and 2) this is the first thing on your site you’ve ever written that isn’t very witty and wasn’t worth the hype. I guess I am feeling defensive on behalf of Rick. He is one of the VERY FEW succesful child actors who: A) Made a successful transition to adult actor, B) Never went nuts w/ substance abuse issues, C) Has a succesful long-term marriage, and D) seems to be raising well adjusted, nice kids of his own, IN HOLLYWOOD, which seems to be a miraculous feat. Clearly, his (born again) parents did something right.
April 14th, 2008 at 8:45 am
omg, that kid is ORANGE. sorry, that was the first thing that hit me. Seriously, the kid needs to lay of the self-tanner. Rick’s parents sound pretty offensive. I hate people who think that only they’re way is the right way.
April 15th, 2008 at 5:52 am
i’m not really sure if this story is true but if it is all I have to say is…WOW
April 21st, 2008 at 12:43 pm
YOU WILL ROT IN HELL, As I won’t because I accept JESUS CHRIST. And sorry to tell you but that story wasn’t funny or anything, it was just plain stupid, I half way even believe it.
April 28th, 2008 at 5:52 am
It’s true, I’m sure. I’ve been there with them
July 16th, 2008 at 11:42 pm
first off, the kid (named luke) isnt actually orange. i know him in real life, adn he quite tan (due to his love of surfing), but is in no way orange.
get a life.