It’s beginning, people.

Britney Spears’ precarious mortal cloak is at last unraveling.

In these revealing photographs taken of the “pop star” (read: “alien being”) as she leaves “Millenium Dance Studios” (read: “the mothership”) one can clearly see her human face beginning to peel away.

All those years of trying to act like a human being have finally taken their toll.

We all knew this was coming.

The aliens are on their way, my friends, and Britney Spears is their messenger.

I recommend you all tin foil your windows and stay inside for the foreseeable future. We’ll have updates as they become available.

I think it’s time our little pal heads back to rehab.

Lindsers was partying it up at Villa this weekend, and managed to fall flat on her ass on her way to the car.

The sidewalk must have been really slippery … much like Lindsay’s sobriety.

So I’m flipping through Oscar pictures trying to see if there’s anything interesting I missed, and came across this picture of Wilson Cruz and who I assume is his hottie boyfriend at the Oscar-viewing party at The Abbey, which is a gay hot-spot in LA. (Which I wandered into one night during my first year in LA, not knowing it was a gay hot-spot, but I’ll save that story for another day.)

Anyway, he’s still cute as all hell, and if he’d just get his boyfriend in a decently tailored suit, they’d be perfect together!

Jennifer Love Hewitt was also there, but I know how you guys react when I say what I’m thinking about JLH, so I’m just going to post the photo and be quiet.

Look, I don’t watch this show, but someone sent me this clip and I was glued.

This show is like Jerry Springer but with more money. The people are no less trashy. Make no mistake about it, if you’re willing to go on network TV and be asked questions like this when you already know what the answer is, you are no more classy than the 300-pound she-male who takes it in the ass from her cousin while she sucks off her brother’s prize pig.

I’m just saying.

This is genius!!!

To retaliate at girlfriend Sarah Silverman for her “I’m Fucking Matt Damon” video, Jimmy Kimmel has lined up an all-star cast (Cameron Diaz, Brad Pitt, Don Cheadle, Josh Groban, Robin Williams and many more!) to announce his relationship with Ben Affleck.

Uma Thurman picks up her son, Levon, from what I assume is his 100th day of school.

I assume this because she’s carrying what appears to be a paper hat that says “100th Day of School” on it, and he’s wearing a little badge that has the number 100 on it.

Dude, they never did shit like that at my school. By the time I was Levon’s age, they were too busy worrying that we wouldn’t be properly prepared for our SATs to waste our time making paper hats. I assume that’s why I’m so well-adjusted.

My mother and I had an amusing conversation about this today (my well-adjustedness). She was explaining to me how she almost never left me with a babysitter when I was a kid. She was afraid I’d grow up and have “abandonment issues.” And it’s funny, because I don’t have any abandonment issues, I just have every other issue known to man. So whatever. Here’s the moral: just hire a damn babysitter. It’s not gonna matter in the long run.

Okay you know in that Tori Amos song Cornflake Girl where she’s all like “This is not really, this, this, this is not really happeniiiiiing. You bet your life it is!”

Okay every time I see a picture of Paris Hilton and new flame Benji Madden, that little verse goes through my head.

She is such an evil little bitch. (And my soon-to-be new best friend.)

First: Benji broke up with longtime girlfriend Sophie Monk, like, three minutes ago.

Secondly: Benji’s brother, Joel, just had a baby with her frenemy Nicole Richie.

So Paris puts two and two together and thinks: Publicity. Lots more publicity than she’s getting with Simon Rex.

Yeah, that door better be handicapped accessible, Paris. Mentally handicapped accessible.

Our good ole crazy Amy is back, arriving at a restaurant in London smoking a cigarette and sporting scratches up and down her arm.

Is she still in rehab?

Because I guess it’s possible she just fell into a thistlebush (is that a real bush or did I just make it up?), but extensive scratching is typically a behavior associated with, ya know, drug use.

Sigh.