Honestly I had hoped to avoid bringing you this story — it bores me to my core — but there’s really not much else going on today, so the gossip world has hurled itself into this Naomi-Campbell-has-a-cyst story.

Yes, it’s true.

Naomi Campbell had a cyst, and it’s been removed.

The American Heritage Dictionary defines “cyst” as “an abnormal membranous sac containing a gaseous, liquid, or semisolid substance.”

I know you guys are thinking the same thing I am: They took out Naomi Campbell’s entire brain?

“I cannot reveal what Naomi had, nor how serious her condition was, but I can say I operated on her yesterday, that everything went smoothly and that she is completely cured and walking in her room,” said the doctor in Brazil who operated on her.

Ugh, I have a cyst, too. Its name is Naomi Campbell. Can someone in Brazil please remove my cyst and then issue a fucking press release on a slow news day?

After decades of toiling in near-obscurity, a little-known musician by the name of “Madonna” will be inducted into the Rock & Roll Hall of Fame on March 10.

Her induction will be announced by an equally unnoted artist, one Justin Timberlake.

Other inductees include Leonard Cohen, John Mellencamp, The Dave Clark Five, The Ventures and Little Walter.

Okay, so I’ve heard of John Mellencamp, and I know Leonard Cohen is that guy from that REM song, but I’ve never heard of any of the others. And “Little Walter” just sounds like the name that some old dude living in a trailer park in Montana gave to his penis.

And is Madonna even a rock musician?

In NYC before a TRL taping.

We’ve come a long way from the “Fantasy” days, Mariah.

A long way down.

The only redeeming quality about this video is that the guy from 30 Rock is in it.

I have to say that I was a bit “eh” about the Oscars. I wasn’t alone as most people at my Oscars party simply either got drunk on wine or ate cookie cake. Nobody really wanted to pay much attention really because the movies this year were stirring and artistic but quite moody.

Was Juno the only nominee where somebody didn’t die? Wait, when was the last time a movie won an Oscar and didn’t have someone die in it? Geez people, couldn’t you have thrown “Juno” a bone here.

My favorite quote of the night though was from Marion Cotillard who said, in response to winning the best actress Oscar that she was,

“Overwhelmed with joy and sparkles and fireworks!”

How sweet is that? She was amazing and if you have the chance to see “La Vie En Rose” please go do it. She was so deserving of this Oscar.

Also, good guy and low-key actor Daniel Day Lewis won as well so in the end the Oscars may have been a bit boring and clip-heavy but at least we had some nice gracious winners…

It’s beginning, people.

Britney Spears’ precarious mortal cloak is at last unraveling.

In these revealing photographs taken of the “pop star” (read: “alien being”) as she leaves “Millenium Dance Studios” (read: “the mothership”) one can clearly see her human face beginning to peel away.

All those years of trying to act like a human being have finally taken their toll.

We all knew this was coming.

The aliens are on their way, my friends, and Britney Spears is their messenger.

I recommend you all tin foil your windows and stay inside for the foreseeable future. We’ll have updates as they become available.

I think it’s time our little pal heads back to rehab.

Lindsers was partying it up at Villa this weekend, and managed to fall flat on her ass on her way to the car.

The sidewalk must have been really slippery … much like Lindsay’s sobriety.