So I know I haven’t been whining about it much lately — it’s been a conscious and strenuous effort — but I’m still sick. My life has become rather small. I sleep, I blog, I eat oranges and cereal, and I watch DVDs of Heroes. In fact, today was notable because I managed to drive my car for the first time since Friday. My dad wasn’t home and I absolutely had to have a chicken sandwich from Burger King. I was in no condition to drive, but I had no choice. So I hauled my ass out to my car and drove the three miles to the nearest Burger King. I nearly passed out from the effort, but it was totally worth it. Definitely the most exciting moment of the past week for me. And I was talking to my boss on the phone yesterday, and I told him I hadn’t showered in like four days and he was like “You should shower” and I was like “I know, it’s on my To-Do list for today,” and he’s like, “Wow, your life isn’t very exciting right now, is it?” No, no it isn’t.

But back to Heroes. I never watched it when it was on TV, but I’ve become totally hooked on the DVDs. I’m about halfway through the first season right now, and I’m absolutely obsessed with Ali Larter. I always thought she was a cutie — Blonde Ambition, anyone? — and she has a body for which I would happily shoot a homeless man, but she’s also, it turns out, an extremely talented actress. I just think she’s phenomenal on that show. She’d be my new lesbian crush, but she’s a little old for me.

Also, she’s engaged.

Here she is at the Ungaro show in Paris with fiance Hayes MacArthur. Check out the bling.

Young country standout Taylor Swift has got to be one of the cutest things on two legs.

Too bad she is boring as all hell!!!!

Here she is responsibly promoting herself on TRL, dressed age-appropriately and conservatively, and being polite to photographers.

Will someone slip something in this girl’s drink already?

La Lohan had lunch at La Scala today.

Totally boring, except, if you look closely, you can see there’s a scrape on her knee, I assume left over from this drunken slip.

Update: I was flipping through some more photos and it looks like later in the day Lindsay hit up an AA meeting. You keep at it, Lindsers!

As rumors swirl that Katie Holmes is pregnant again, Tom Cruise took his 65-year-old wife to dinner at Cut Steakhouse in Beverly Hills, where Will Smith and wife Jada joined them.

Seriously, Katie looks sooooo old these days.

“I have to tell you that Nicole Kidman most certainly did NOT drink white wine or any other alcoholic beverage backstage. She had water and lemon zinger tea. That’s it. I know, I was there with her I cannot remember that last time that Cindy Adams got anything right. She’s an idiot, and you can quote me.”

Nicole Kidman’s rep, Catherine Olim, responding to allegations that preggers Nicole Kidman was drinking wine at the Oscars.

Baby Harlow Madden reaches out for your help on the cover of the new People magazine.

“Please! Take me somewhere with fooooooood!”

Seriously, the best I can muster with Britney Spears these days is running the occasional shopping photo.

I know it’s, like, my whole job and stuff, but it physically pains me to follow the events in her legal life.

But I’m trying, for you guys’ sake.

So basically Britney wants to take that conservatorship away from her dad, even though it’s single-handedly saving her life, and she hired some lawyer to do it, and the lawyer tried to move the case to federal court, for reasons I can’t begin to understand, and then judge was all like “No you can’t move the case to federal court” and the conservatorship stays with her dad, thank God.

And Star magazine is reporting her ass might be pregnant with Adnan’s baby, which is almost certainly untrue.

Phew.

That was fucking hard.

I’m going to nap now.