Sigh.

Nine perfectly good other fingers.

And Ashlee Simpson has to wear a crappy-ass ring on her left ring finger.

“Ashlee is not engaged,” says her rep.

Boooooooooring.

“It’s been “9 ½ years since I’ve had a drink or taken drugs . . . but I’m still a drug addict.”

DJ AM to Glamour magazine.

After her film career crashed and burned (well, let’s be honest, it crashed and burned years ago, but she’s been hanging around the crash site, sifting through the rubble and looking for survivors), Jessica’s got a new plan: she’s recording a country album.

She’s been talking about doing it for awhile, but now she’s actually in a Nashville recording studio, laying down tracks.

“I am a country girl,” she says. “I grew up in Texas, and country music was what I listened to. I always wanted to wait until the time was right.”

Now is apparently the right time, as all other options have been ruled out. Seriously, it’s record a country album or go work at Walmart. Her options are a tad limited at this point.

For what it’s worth, Jess, good luck.

Britney reportedly spent NYE with her two sons — and their court-appointed monitor — at a private beach-front residence near Dana Point in the OC, according to OK! magazine. Sources say she had a quiet night, and, if she passed out, at least she didn’t do it in public, like last NYE.

Can you imagine being that court-appointed monitor? Your friends are all like, “Dude, we’re so fucking hungover today. We can’t even get out of bed. Josh just puked into his hat. Fuck, man. So, what’d you do last night?” and then you’re all like, “Um, I stayed sober and made sure Britney Spears didn’t kill her young children,” and then they’re all like, “Oh, great. So could you come over and bring us McDonalds and Tylenol?”

Also there: Adnan Ghalib, the paparazzo Britney’s been banging lately, who’s clearly becoming more than a boy-toy. This Britney-dates-a-pap story is so weird. I can’t even really handle it. Like, if she started dating Sean Connery, I could handle it. If she started dating Lindsay Lohan’s little brother, I still think I could handle it. But a paparazzi? It makes my little evil head explode.

WHICH 40ish actress has finally gotten pregnant for the first time? Her rep is denying it because she’s only a month into it, and has suffered miscarriages in the past. Said our source: “Watch for her to get bangs and start wearing hats to hide her sagging face because you can’t be on Botox when you are pregnant”

Ummmm … how can you be pregnant for the first time and have suffered miscarriages in the past? Someone over at Page Six is still a little hungover. Still … any thoughts on who this magical creature could be?

source

InTouch is reporting that Kim Kardashian is engaged to her football player boyfriend, Reggie Bush.

The pair were together in Miami on Dec. 31, where Kim hosted Mansion’s Tanqueray and Ciroc New Year’s Bash in South Beach with Reggie. She wasn’t sporting a ring, but perhaps Kim’s just learned to keep her private life private.

I have to admit, ever since I’ve started watching Keeping Up With the Kardashians, I really like Kim. (Yes, there, I admitted it — I watch that show and I fucking like it goddammit!) I don’t know what I expected her to be like, but she certainly comes off way better on her show than Paris ever did on The Simple Life. She just seems really down-to-earth, sensible, and sweet, and I wish her the best with this relationship.

Pamela Anderson’s husband — much like the bottom half of her dress — was nowhere to be found on New Year’s Eve.

While Pam rung in the new year with Paris and Nicky Hilton, K-Fed, DJ AM, Eve and Larry Birkhead at LAX in Vegas, her husband Rick Salomon didn’t make an appearance at the club.

Pam filed for divorce from Rick in December (after just two months of marriage), then later posted on her blog saying that the two were working things out, but you have to ask yourself who she was kissing at midnight with her husband nowhere in sight.