Fuck this.

Sources are reporting that George Clooney has been bugging his friend, director Stephen Soderbergh, to put his hooker girlfriend, Sarah Larson, in one of his upcoming movies, tentatively titled Garland Bunting Project. Georgey apparently thinks this little cum dumpster would make a great movie star.

I’m going to make a movie, too. It’s going to be called the Larson Hunting Project, and it’s going to be a documentary of me stalking Sarah Larson and throwing things at her — condoms, feces, apples, the usual — while calling her a slut at the top of my lungs. Then I will be a huge movie star, too. Stupid Sarah Larson. George Clooney was supposed to fall in love with me and make me a movie star. You ruined everything!!!

Word on the street is that the High School Musical producers are kind of freaking out about Ashley Tisdale’s recent nose job.

“Ashley’s appearance has been so dramatically altered, producers want to include the surgery in the storyline for High School Musical 3 to explain her new look,” says an insider. However, if the writers’ strike is still on when HSM3 begins filming in March, Ashley may have to improvise an explanation for Sharpay’s new nose.

Back to Britney!

Britney’s older brother, Bryan Spears, is reportedly on his way to the hospital to spend time with his little sister.

Bryan is the only sane member of that family.

Do something, Bryan!!!

Sean Preston Federline looks happy and healthy as he leaves the Spears residence in the backseat of a car last night.

Look at that grin!

Homeboy’s like, “This shit is soooo gonna get me laid when I’m older.”

Mariah Carey was spotted feeding her puppy some hamburger after dining at Le Select restaurant in St Barthelemy.

Back to Britney.

Image via Splash

The attorney for Kevin Federline, Mark Vincent Kaplan, has called an emergency session this morning in his client’s ongoing custody battle with Britney.

The judge has asked for the attorney to return to court today at 1:30 p.m. An associate for the firm spoke at a press conference just moments ago, saying, “Mark wanted me to address everyone and just say he feels at this time it would be inappropriate for him to speak to the media.”

Of course!!! The poor guy hasn’t slept in FOREVER.

… yet.

“We aren’t charging her with anything at this time,” the LAPD says. “She is at the (hospital) for her own health and welfare.”

They have to charge her with something. She kidnapped her child!

Legal eagles, weigh in!!!! What can Britney be charged with???