Selling Out Lindsay Lohan: The Fastest-Growing Career on the Planet!
January 5th, 2008 by Evil Beet
Lindsay Lohan has to realize at some point that every time a penis goes into her vagina, it comes out a million dollars richer. Once your penis is in Lindsay Lohan, it’s like a golden penis. It is a penis worth its weight in gold. That penis orgasms gold dust. That is a gilded urethra. Lindsay Lohan’s vagital cavity is essentially a gold mine. I could go on. I have more.
But I’ll leave some for the other bloggers.
Just weeks after Riley Giles sold his story to News of the World, some dude Linds banged in Italy is selling her out, too.
“Lindsay was very, very good and surprisingly experienced. She wanted to do everything, every position. She was extremely flexible and adventurous … I was hurt and sad when I found out about the other guys. I think that’s the way things are with Lindsay. But she was very sweet and loving in bed. It was a good sex match.”
After meeting on a “hydrofoil” (What the hell is a hydrofoil? It sounds like something my hairdresser says I should try.), he says “I couldn’t believe it when she asked if I could come to the dinner afterwards. I was proud to accompany her—then she invited me to a couple of clubs with her two friends. Despite her recent troubles she was downing alcohol—vodka cranberry and vodka soda. All of a sudden, she pressed up close, looked me in the eyes and asked if she could kiss me. It was a strange role-reversal and it took me aback. But I came to my senses and kissed her. We did nothing but kiss in the club after that. She didn’t care who was watching. I never imagined in my wildest dreams we would end up in bed. We spent a long time talking, lying side by side on top of her bed. She told me about her problems with drugs and alcohol. She said she was trying to get over them and that she’d spent time in a rehab clinic but didn’t want to talk too much about that. She kept telling me she liked me because I was “a good boy”—I don’t smoke or take drugs. She said she was falling for me, she liked me. I liked her too. The thing that struck me most about her was her intelligence—I found her very lucid and bright … She adored kissing and never wanted to stop—no matter what we were doing. We had safe sex, and afterwards she cuddled up to me and we went to sleep.”
At least she’s having safe sex! Now if only Lindsay could learn to keep NDAs on her bedstand with the condoms.
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January 5th, 2008 at 11:43 pm
shes a whore
January 5th, 2008 at 11:55 pm
He’s a whore.
January 6th, 2008 at 12:11 am
hes so fake
January 6th, 2008 at 1:46 am
I’m a whore
January 6th, 2008 at 3:42 am
hydrofoil or jetfoil?
an amphibious boat
the kind that travels on water and ground
very sexy means of transportation
January 6th, 2008 at 4:24 am
I wish I had a chance to do her, I’m low on cash at the moment…
January 6th, 2008 at 4:26 am
he got to be lying - he is so fucking GAY, look at the gayface baby!
January 6th, 2008 at 5:39 am
yes red
he’s lying obviously
and he looks gay to me too
in some ways, his narrative of the encounter is what I could describe as a very feminine view of an idealized one night stand
that’s why I stick to boats instead
January 6th, 2008 at 8:16 am
Why cant these assholes just be thankful that a young beautiful women found the time to give them the pleasure of an experienced woman and keep their frigging mouths shut. Most guys would kill for a chance with her.
January 6th, 2008 at 9:23 am
I thought it was Paris Hilton that he screwed around with…
jeye
January 6th, 2008 at 9:41 am
This wasn’t the hairy guy in the Italian photos, was it? He looks like he swallows anyhow.
January 6th, 2008 at 10:20 am
Surprisingly experienced. Is this guy from fucking Mars. Might have fooled me if not for” the thing that struck me most was her intellegence.” Oh and do you smoke or not ? Have someone read your lies back to you before they go to print because you sound like a moron. Oh and hes not gay?
January 6th, 2008 at 4:21 pm
His $ick will fall off by Tuesday
January 7th, 2008 at 1:47 am
you’re fucking hilarious with the whole first paragraph. that was gold. pun not intended.
January 7th, 2008 at 9:33 am
I think he is a very gorgeous man, why does he have to be gay? You know, there are good looking men who take pride in their looks who ARENT gay!!!
January 7th, 2008 at 9:41 am
He’s suspect gay because in his words “she cuddled up to me and we went to sleep”. Oh yeah, his photo speaks to his inner woman LOL.
January 7th, 2008 at 11:07 am
He’s just making it up as he goes along…
January 9th, 2008 at 2:05 am
penis is 7 in ” muje 12 in” karna Hai
April 6th, 2008 at 5:33 pm
Lindsay Lohan Naked in Scandalous erotic video:
http://vip841.vox.com/library/post/lindsay.html
August 4th, 2008 at 5:07 am
i love uo
October 8th, 2008 at 10:41 pm
and life goes on….
October 28th, 2008 at 9:05 pm
OH MY PENIS. IT IS IMPOSSIBLE THAT THAT GAY MOTHER FUCKER DID THAT HORNY LESBIAN FUCK ( . Y . )