I mean, for reals, people, those are birthing hips. This is a woman who was made to accidentally pop out a kid while she’s taking a shit, pull the baby out of the toilet, wipe, and get on with her day. Like I’m pretty sure I could emerge, at age 25, from that woman’s uterus — while clutching my television set and, you know, my car — and we would both be in pretty good shape afterwards.

Jesus, those are hips.

It would just be like, “Dayum, girl, someone got into the Doritos. Seriously.”

At the Conde Nast Movies Rock event in LA.

While the weekend after Thanksgiving is always pretty bad, this one was especially awful. It was Hollywood’s worst in ten years.

Among all releases, Enchanted was the only movie to top $10M.

Jessica Alba’s new flick, Awake, snored through the weekend to the tune of $6M. That’s pathetic. Hopefully they’ll put some shots of her tits on the DVD and recoup their losses.

I wonder if this has anything to do with the late-night talk shows being off the air due to the writer’s strike. It sure makes it harder for studios to promote their films.

Go to the movies, people!

Guy Ritchie and Madonna hit up the premiere of “Revolver” in NYC.

Also there: Sarah Jessica Parker.

I guess he’s a British racecar driver, but every time I see this guy’s picture, I’m just like, “Quick, someone give him an American flag and hire him to strip at bachelorette parties!”

Jansen Panettiere hawks some manner of toy car in NYC.

Ah, the power of a stage mother.

America’s favorite trainwreck turns 26 today.

Anyone want to start a pool on whether she’ll see 27?

I don’t really know how to be a bookie, but I’m a fast learner.

Also: I take no.