I’ve been listening to this song all week. It just gets stuck in my damn head, and I start to crave it. It is possible I have an addictive personality.

Leona Lewis won the most recent season of Britain’s Pop Idol, and this is her debut single.

Also: does anyone know where I can find a video of Liz Phair’s “H.W.C.”? I’m obsessing over that song lately, too, and I want to run it on here, but I can’t find a damn video with the song in it.

Miley.

We’ve talked about this.

I need you drinking.

You sure as hell better be stuffing baggies of cocaine up that dog’s asshole so you can take them on the airplane. Otherwise I’m gonna give you a serious whooping.

If you’re gonna stick around, sweetie, you need to get interesting. This Hannah Montana shit is only gonna take you so far.

Image via Splash

He looks sad. And drunk. And gross.

Maybe Cheetos will cheer him up. Or a bacon cheeseburger. Or an entire cheesecake. Or whatever the hell he’s been cramming down his throat since he used to be hot.

Seriously, who’s casting serial killers these days? They need to get Vince Vaughn’s agent on the line. Because while I used to look at Vince Vaughn and be like, “Gosh, I’d sure like to have sex with that man,” now I look at him and think, “Gosh, I sure hope he doesn’t kill me with a fork and then grind me up and eat me with a spoon.” Seriously. Homeboy looks creepy.

Image via WENN

Remember those “intimate” pictures of Lindsay Lohan that Riley Giles said he was going to sell to the photo agencies?

Yeah.

This is as bad as they get.

I actually think Linds looks sexy here. It’s sensual without being trashy. But I have a thing for pelvic bones. Can’t resist ‘em.

So fuck off, Riley. You’re a nobody.

My asshole boyfriend married Fat-Arms on Necker Island in the Caribbean this weekend. The two got engaged in August, much to my dismay.

Normally I’d take this opportunity to go on a cute little rant about Fat-Arms and her fat arms and how Jimmy Fallon should be mine but I’m just too depressed right now to even do that.

Will I never get the guy?

Kevin Federline (sporting a mohawk?) and Brody Jenner partied at LAX in Vegas on Saturday night, where they chilled with Paris and Nicky Hilton.

What a black hole of stupid.

Image via Splash

Nicky Hilton was on board to host at PURE last night, and Orange Paris came along for the ride, and decided to give the paps an impromptu photo shoot.

I swear in one of these pictures it looks like she’s posing while in line for the bathroom.

This is kind of random, but whenever people find out what I do for a living, they regale me with their celeb encounter stories. I particularly enjoy this when these storytellers begin by acting disdainful about what I do for a living, and mention repeatedly that they “don’t care about that stupid shit” and “celebrities are no different from us” and then talk animatedly for the next thirty minutes about every celebrity they’ve ever seen. Anyway, one especially annoying guy told me recently that he was at a Vegas nightclub with Paris, and they wouldn’t let her cut in line to use the bathroom, so she just squatted down and peed on the dance floor. Don’t know if it’s true or not, but I wouldn’t put it past her.

So Mischa pulled out of her hosting gig at CatHouse last night at the last minute — because of, ya know, that whole DUI thing — but they went ahead and opened anyway.

And who the hell needs Mischa Barton when you have Jenna Jameson and Tito Ortiz???

Also there: Jamie King, who got hitched to director Kyle Newman in November, and who’d sure as hell better be pregnant if she doesn’t want me to talk shit about that weight gain.