Jimmy Fallon Marries Fat-Arms
December 30th, 2007 by Evil Beet
My asshole boyfriend married Fat-Arms on Necker Island in the Caribbean this weekend. The two got engaged in August, much to my dismay.
Normally I’d take this opportunity to go on a cute little rant about Fat-Arms and her fat arms and how Jimmy Fallon should be mine but I’m just too depressed right now to even do that.
Will I never get the guy?
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She’s got some broad shoulders. Can’t go wrong with a sturdy gal. Sorry Beet.
she looks like she could beat his ass i cant wait for the blind items
I only say nice things! She is holding her gut in so well!
If only she didn’t wear a gown so intensely unflattering to her shape ….
Her body looks like a coffin.
Seriously.
A coffin shaped dress.
She’s really cute in her IMDb photos. ‘Sides, true love can overcome fat arms.
She looks like she is squeezing the living crap out of his hand. You can tell he doesn’t want to be there, he’s thinking of you, Beet!!! ;)
Beet – you can do better. He’s a tool.
ewwww u want HIM?!?!? beet its gud that fat arms took him
Yeah I have to agree when you have problem areas isn’t it a good thing to accentuate other good qualities to take focus off of the bad ones?? That has to suck she has nice forearms, thin, but that upper arm yikes!
Jimmy is gay anyway. He screwed me, I know.
You, Ross, are NOT gay.. by any means.. this I know!! :)
from a friend in the past…
he lost a bet.
Okay, Ross said he’d give me a hundred bucks if I said he wasn’t gay. That was three weeks ago and I no longer believe the check is in the mail. Ross IS gay and he has the autographed 8X10 of Streisand to prove it.
Okay, Ross said he’d give me a hundred bucks if I’d say he’s not gay. That was three weeks ago and I no longer believe the check is in the mail. Ross IS gay and he has the 8 by 10 glossy of Peggy Lee to prove it.
Ross Abrash is a seductress and took advantage of Jimmy, who just couldn’t take those arms for another night.
Who is this Ross Abrash? What’s he have to do with Jimmy Fallon’s wife’s fat arms? And what’s Ross’s homosexuality have to do with Mrs. Fallon’s arms? I don’t get it. I’m lost. Jimmy’s getting married. His wife has fat arms. Ross is gay. I can’t find the logical connection.
Here’s how it works, Phil. Jimmy Fallon is engaged to a woman with immense arms, yet, Ross Abrash wrote in and posted that he and Jimmy were having an affair. Ross on the bottom. It’s really not that complicated. But then someone called “A Friend in NYC” posted that this Ross Abrash guy was not gay. But then this same person “A friend in NYC” posted a few weeks later that Ross Abrash had offered to pay him/her to say he wasn’t gay, but then never forked over the cash — and wrote that since this Ross guy never paid he/her was telling the truth, that Ross Abrash is indeed a homosexual. Personally, I don’t believe for one second that Jimmy Fallon is gay. I don’t think anyone does. And the fact that he never got involved in this fray points to a guy who is totally secure with his sexuality. But I do think this Ross Abrash is indeed gay, and should stop bribing people to say otherwise. Ross should learn to say out loud, “I’m Ross Abrash. I’m gay and here to stay.” I hoe that explanation helps you, Phil.
Chip, it’s Phil. I’m still confused. So what you’re saying is Jimmy Fallon is not gay and Ross Abrash is also not gay? Sorry. It’s all so complicated.
Hi Phil, Hi Chip. Do you guys realize you’re having this argument from the same computer? Because I do.
Phil, it’s Chip. Let me make it as simple and straight forward as I can. Here goes: Jimmey Fallon is 100% straight. Ross Abrash is 100% gay. Not to cast any aspersions on Ross for his love of being anally penetrated. I’m a live and let live guy. It’s all good.
Hey, Phil, have you been usin’ my computer?
Not that I’m aware of, Chip. Hey, that Evil Beet chick looks pretty hot.
Yea, really thin arms, too, Phil. Why don’t you ask her out? We know this Ross Abrash guy isn’t going to be interested. She doesn’t have a willy.
Yea, really thin arms, too, Phil. Why don’t you ask her out? We know this Ross Abrash guy isn’t going to be interested. She doesn’t have a willy.
Good idea, Chip. I have a Mensa meeting coming up in February. Maybe I’ll ask her to go.
Mensa, hey that’s the name of the bar Ross Abrash hangs out at.
Hey, Chip, I hear this Ross Abrash belongs to Costco just so he can buy K-Y Jelly in bulk.
Hey, Phil, what does Ross Abrash do with all that K-Y Jelly?
Phil, call me about this one. 818-555-5555.
And I thought that was only something that happened to the country after electing George W Bush.
Fat Arms… or small head?
Wow, I just realized how old this is
Jimmy Fallon or Desi Arnaz?
It’s Jimmy, not Desi — no conga drums.
GUYS… the K Y is not for gay reasons… it’s to slick back that beautiful red hair of Ross’s!!
As you can see, Phil, Ross’s man bitches are very loyal to him.
Hey, Chip, this Ross Abrash seems to be pretty well greased up.
Unless Ross is on stage as Debbie Reynolds. I thought his interpretation of the Eddie Fisher years was handled thoughtfully and sensitively.
Was that Ross playing Liz as well?
Yes, that vixen.
Home wrecker!
Phil, May 1st that Ross Abrash fellow opens in another show: Shelley Winters, Fat and Sexy.
I got bowling that night, Phil. Bring me back a play book.
Shelley Winters: Fat and Sexy — I saw it in previews in Hartford. Ross Abrash is the most gifted female impersonator of our time
Does Shelly Winters have beautiful, slicked (KY) red hair like that of Ross Abrash?? I think NOT!!!
Hey, Phil, how did Ross Abrash put on the weight to necessary to play Shelly Winters?
Chip, the way I heard it, every night you could find Ross Abrash behind a Burger King with a Whopper in his mouth.
That explains why Ross always has what appears to be thousand island dressing on his shirt. That is thousand island dressing, isn’t it Phil?
It’s better for all party involves to say “yes.”
It’s better for all parties involved to say “yes.”
How can we coax Ross Abrash out of the closet?