Devon showed up at Heidi Klum’s Halloween party dressed as my grandmother’s tablecloth.

Except my grandmother always made sure there were no creases in the center of her tablecloth.

Ouch!

Vito was convicted of sexually assaulting three girls ages 12 to 14 during an autograph signing event last year at mall skate park.

When the verdict was announced, Vito fell to the floor and started screaming “Just kill me now.”

His sentencing hearing is December 20. He faces up to six years in prison. If he doesn’t comply with sex offender treatment as part of the sentence, he could potentially spend life in prison.

Go ahead. Tell me I’m wrong.

The gaping hole in the center?

All those pleats on the outside?

The overwhelming sense that nothing about it is particularly well thought-out?

Yup. That’s Britney’s vagina.

Jesse Jane nip slip. [FListed]

Hooray! Stephen Colbert is officially on the ballot! [DListed]

Melissa Joan Hart as Little Bo Peep. Cute. [Celebslam]

JLo’s new movie went straight to DVD. [Derek Hail]

The dolphins made Hayden cry. [INO]

Thanks to the wonder of pre-scheduled posting, as you’re reading this, I am high up in the air. And I didn’t even have to smoke crack to get there. They have airplanes now.

I’m going to Miami — bienvenidos a Mee-ah-mee! — where I plan to spend a great deal of time partying and possibly even learn who U of M is playing for their homecoming game, which is, at least on paper, the reason I’m going.

So I’m gonna leave you kids alone for a few hours, but I’ll be back later in the afternoon to check in and make sure Britney’s still alive and drinking. And I’ll be in and out all weekend with — as my boss puts it — dispatches from South Beach.

Oh! And I bought a digital camera yesterday (It’s pink! And has a special feature for filming for YouTube! What a world!), so it’s possible I’ll even go all Pink Is the New Blog on you and start posting annoying photos of myself and my friends so I don’t have to keep referring everyone to that MediaBistro interview whenever people wanna know what I look like. Now what do you guys think of that?

And if you’re a Miamian, definitely leave comments and let me know when and where to get into trouble while I’m out here!!!

Meanwhile, the always-hilarious (and very sexy!) David Gilmore from Pretty on the Outside has launched a new site, Pretty from a Distance, which is definitely worth checking out.

Let’s review all the possible meanings of “pulled a Britney.” Is it:

1) Showed the world his vagina?
2) Fought a car with an umbrella?
3) Shaved his head?
4) Checked in and out of rehab three times while you were asleep?
5) Married Kevin Federline?

No, no, kids, it’s none of the above.

As it turns out, Lance Bass once got hitched in Vegas.

“I’ve been in Vegas where I’ve gotten married for like five minutes, but no one talks about it, though.”

Bass, who was part of the boy band ‘N Sync, says he got hitched in “1999 or 2000,” and the bride was “just a friend.”

“In fact, the only reason we did it is because we wanted to get free drinks all night … and we didn’t get one,” he says. “We’re like, `we just got married,’ and they’re like, `ah, whatever.’”

Oh, and, hey, this little revelation happens to coincide with Lance hyping his new book, the title of which is … oh, God, I can’t even say it. Soooooooooo gay.

Petra Nemcova and Roberto Cavalli get a little too close for comfort (well, at least my comfort) at a Halloween party at Cipriani.

Cavalli recently took it upon himself to announce Jennifer Lopez’s pregnancy. I’m sure Petra was just trying to comfort him.