I feel it’s my duty to report this rumor, although IMHO, it’s total bullshit.

OK! is saying that Britney might return to the Eric Clapton Crossroads rehab in Antigua, where she spent nearly 24 hours at the beginning of this year, to try to get sober and get her kids back.

Yeah, right.

Even her BFF Alli Sims has gone on the record all like, “Not gonna happen.”

Britney couldn’t even show up at the court hearing today to try to get her kids back.

Homegirl is not checking into rehab. She doesn’t care anymore.

After a 3-hour court hearing, an L.A. judge determined that K-Fed will keep sole custody of Jayden and Sean, and Britney will be allowed monitored visits.

Kevin showed up to the hearing.

Britney did not, although photos indicate she was in Los Angeles at the time. In fact, she was posing for the paparazzi in the Valley while the hearing was taking place.

There will be another hearing on Oct 26 to determine if the custody arrangement should be changed.

(It probably shouldn’t.)

At the Fox Reality Channel Really Awards.

From USA Today:

Reading Celebrity Detox is like having a patient on the couch without the necessary medical degree to sort through what’s insightful and what’s just nutty.

This is a train wreck of a book — part self-help psychobabble, part searing memoir — by a grown woman who lost her mother as a child …

Too-much-information is not a concept O’Donnell embraces. You will learn how fame affected her bowel habits, that she “inseminated” her partner, Kelli, and that her son once told her, in the bathtub, that he didn’t like her fat belly. (She told him she didn’t like it either.)

The review also includes this choice quote from the book, regarding Rosie’s relationship with Barbara Walters:

“… you did not defend me. And I have been a good, loyal daughter to you. And I want you to be a good mother to me. Don’t let the bad man hurt me.”

I don’t say this often, but, seriously, gag me with a spoon.

Lindsay Lohan headed out for her first overnight visit away from rehab this week, accompanied by fellow recovering alcohol and father Michael Lohan.

The two of them will be gone for five days. Daddy’s rented a four-bedroom cabin in the Utah woods, and plans to spend the days going on lots of walks with his daughter and having nice, long talks about her future. At night, they plan to use Lindsay’s kick-ass connections to score some killer blow and get way fucking high.

“I don’t regret not having been drafted … because I made out big. Why is it good to die for one’s country? Isn’t it better to live in New York?”

Model Bar Rafaeli — Leonardo DiCaprio’s girlfriend — who was born in Israel but dodged their mandatory draft.

To Rolling Stone, re: Pam Anderson’s supposed miscarriage:

“She’s in Vancouver shooting a movie and I have Lakers seats on the floor, and I’m gonna go to the Lakers (basketball) game with my friend Jesse James. I’m like, `Baby, I got these tickets. I’ll see you on the weekend there,’ and that leads into her saying, `You don’t care about me, blah blah blah.’ She finally comes up with this: `I just had a miscarriage’ … and hangs the phone up.”

Rock, claiming he was unaware that Anderson was pregnant, says he chartered a plane and flew to Vancouver. “When I get there, she’s partying at this restaurant, drinking champagne, jumping on the tables. I’m thinking, `That’s a quick recovery from a miscarriage.’”

What do you even say to that?

Kid Rock has an album coming out on Tuesday.

It probably sucks.

Solution: get more PR by publicly accusing your ex-wife of lying about a miscarriage when you have absolutely no proof one way or another.

Fuck off, Kid Pebble.

If you, unlike me, read the trade journals, you’d be aware that NBC is resurrecting American Gladiators as a mid-season replacement. (I don’t read the trade journals. I do something smarter: I read Defamer. It’s like reading the trades without all the boring parts about people who aren’t young and beautiful.)

Anyway, it looks like they’ve signed Hulk Hogan on as the host.

I think America needs this. I know it’s going to be hard at first, you guys, because we’re not used to watching television shows hosted by someone other than Ryan Seacrest. For the first couple of episodes, we’ll be all like “Who’s that guy who keeps talking? And where’s the host?” But after awhile our systems will adjust, and we’ll be like, “Ohhhh, that’s the host.” I think it will be a growing experience for the country.