Enjoy the trailer for Mad Money. It’s like Oceans 11. But without any of the entertainment value.

I mean, I hate to be all anti-feminist here, but it’s really, really hard to make a bank-heist movie with chicks and expect it to sell. This will bomb.

“Before I started working,” she says. “I would have said, ‘You know, it’s not really fair, because I didn’t choose this.’ But when you decide to be a part of this profession and put yourself out there, then you kind of have to accept what it is.”

She continues to tell the media that fame “is a 24-hour job. It doesn’t matter if you are going out to a restaurant – you have to be aware of what you are doing and how you look and how you are presenting yourself, because most of the time people never get to know you.”

Rumer. Darling.

I hate to break it to you, but I can’t name a single thing you’ve been in. IMDB barely can. You do not have a profession. Your profession is having us talk about you because you’re Bruce Willis’ daughter and Tallulah’s not really old enough yet and we get bored of the same five people around here all the time. We write about you in much the same way we write about Paris Hilton’s shoes; you’re an accessory. That’s all. We’ll tire of you soon enough, don’t worry.

Okay.

Love Alicia Witt.

Hate the outfit.

She’s single-handedly making Law & Order: Criminal Intent watchable again. Her character is kind of like a female Vincent D’Onofrio, except you don’t want to tear your hair out and eat it every time she shows up on the screen.

This dress, though?

Blech.

Not surprisingly, the Catholic church doesn’t much like Britney Spears. [MollyGood]

Hayden Panettiere saves the whales! [INO]

Padma Lakshmi might be reuniting with her husband. [FListed]

That Lauren Conrad sure can carry a lot of beer. [Drunken Stepfather]

Nicole Richie denies that she was smoking cigarettes while pregnant. [Cele|bitchy]

“I May Not Be Mr. Right, But I’ll Fuck You Til He Shows Up.” [Celebslam]

Lindsay Lohan is attending tango shows now. [Use My Computer]

Sienna Miller takes a cigar like a champ. [Agent Bedhead]

Um, did Heather Mills kill a dog? [Gabby Babble]

Carmen Electra side boob. ‘Nuff said. [Jordan]

Check out my take on last night’s episode of The Hills. [Film.com]

“I’m always thinking about the show. I’m too neurotic and too anal and too convinced that we’re going to fail to relax. Every show we do, every scene we shoot, is a disaster, I’m convinced of it. I go home at the end of the day and my head is full of all the mistakes I’ve made. I beat myself up about what I’ve stuffed up the day before. I’m looking for things to go wrong. I’m not rejoicing or lying back and enjoying it.”

House star and total hottie Hugh Laurie, who also says he’s battling mild depression and sees a therapist regularly.

Yup.

It’s Britney, bitch.

Deeeeerunk. Leaving Winston’s on Monday night/Tuesday morning.

Why not celebrate the release of Blackout by having one of your own?

Makes perfect sense to me!

(Yes, there’s a Geico commercial before the video. Sorry. Not my video.)

Wish you could finally have all that Kanye wisdom without any of that annoying music?

Your wish is Kanye’s command.

The rapper will be releasing a book, Thank You and You’re Welcome!, early next year.

Kanye calls it “an entertaining volume of ‘Kanye-isms’– the creative, humorous, and insightful philosophies and anecdotes used in creating my path to success. It captures the same wit, playful irony, and piercing insight found abundant in my lyrics. In Thank You and You’re Welcome!, I deliver my personal message uncensored, without any five-second delay or media distortion.”

I smell a Nobel!

I know I said I’d moved on after this picture surfaced, but, dammit, when I read about him running around town with Ivanka Freakin’ Trump, that little green monster just comes right out. Look, I may not want him anymore, but you certainly can’t have him, Ivanka.

FORGETFULNESS got Ivanka Trump off the hook Friday night, when the exhausted heiress was coaxed by friends to hit East Village staple Black & White - but wasn’t let in because she didn’t have her ID. “She had Adam Duritz in tow, they were all at a birthday party together,” said our spy. When the Counting Crows frontman couldn’t convince the bouncer to let her in, Trump gratefully went home. She told Page Six she was glad for the excuse: “It was fine. I had no particular interest in going anyway.”

That’s right, ‘Vanki. Go on home.

Mine. Mine. Mine. Mine. Mine.