He came within an inch of making Paris Hilton cry.

This is hilarious.

Nicky and Joel are gonna tie the knot October 13 in a small ceremony in Laguna Beach.

Wonder if she’ll change her name?

Nicole Madden.

Hm.

Miss Teen USA (far left) parties with Dave Navarro and his girlfriend at Aura nightclub at Atlantis.

Hopefully she was drinking apple juice!!!

And not joining them for a threesome!!!

Okay:

WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH THESE PEOPLE?

Jesus Christ, Pam, your first two hasty marriages worked out so well.

And Rick Salomon is SUCH A MOTHERFUCKING WINNER.

HOW COULD THIS NOT WORK OUT????

Yeah, so Pam Anderson and Rick “One Night in Paris” Salomon applied for a marriage certificate in Las Vegas.

Rick was also briefly married to Shannen Doherty, but that didn’t work out so hot, since he spent the majority of their 9-month marriage trying to talk Paris Hilton into sticking a champagne bottle up her snatch. I’m all for a man with hobbies, but, you know. You have to draw the line somewhere.

Whatever.

On Sept 26, Pam posted this on her blog:

I finally am fulfilled in my life in every area. I’m a responsible devoted mom. I’m in love -. And my work is fun and creative. I’m healthy….I’m having the best time in my life.

The following, day she posted this regarding Kid Rock:

He’s bitter. It’s sad to see. I don’t want to battle with him. I wish him the best. I’d hate to point out habits I had a hard time with. They are personal to him and that’s why we are not together. These are desperate attempts. I’ve moved on.

Look, Pam. Let me explain something to you. Those “habits?” The ones you had problems with? That ruined the marriage? Pam. Honey. If you date someone for more than a couple months before marrying them, you learn about those habits before you get married. Then you can just break up with the person, instead of having to divorce them. Do you see how that works? It’s pretty straight-forward. Just something to consider.

You guys, I’m so sorry posting has been slow since Friday. I am trapped at my mother’s house in Phoenix where I have no friends and the Internet here sucks and my cell phone doesn’t get reception and we’re having so much trouble moving over to the new server and I have to spend all damn day tomorrow getting crappy tests at a stupid doctor’s office (long story) and I just want to cry, you guys. I’m in the worst mood ever.

So anyway. This song came on the radio today and I was like “Oh my God, I love this song.” And then I was happy for like two minutes, and that was nice.

(Love you, Anna!)

Silly bitch had to go and wear underwear.

And is that Justin Bobby sitting next to her?

DUMP HIM!!!

From R&M:

Mariah Carey, drinking deeply at VH1’s Music Cares event, invaded the ladies’ room with two burly bodyguards. Two women already there say her security tried to evict them, but they refused to leave. Says one: “One of the bodyguards said to us, ‘If you’re going to stay, you better not watch Mariah pee.’  ”

What the fuck? Was she using a urinal? Was she going to pee in the sink? Or was she seriously worried that these women were going to get down on the floor and stick their heads under the door of her stall for a brief yet beautiful glimpse of Mariah Carey urinating?