With The Simple Life coming to a permanent close, where are we going to get our doses of celebretard antics? Besides, you know, on all the gossip blogs?

Look no further than Kim Kardashian! Kim, her siblings and her step-siblings — including famewhore Brody Jenner — are slated to do a Brady Bunch-style show for an unnamed network (meaning it probably hasn’t been officially picked up yet — or she doesn’t want to admit that it’s VH1).

“We’re all so different,” says Kim about the show. “Khloe’s, like, hysterical and says these ridiculous things. Kourtney is such a bitch. I’m in between. Brody’s so wild. The two little ones are adorable…It’s just such a good mix.”

I give it four episodes.

Vanity Fair releases their best-dressed list, and you don’t know anyone on it. [Cele|bitchy]

Pete Doherty claims he left Kate Moss, not the other way around. [Agent Bedhead]

Britney Spears asked the dentist to whiten her toddlers’ teeth. Maybe if you stopped putting Coca-Cola in their bottles, Britney, these problems would resolve themselves. [IBBB]

Vanessa Minnillo’s still a Bongo girl. So at least she has one job. [Gabby Babble]

Jennifer Lopez and her crypt-keeper husband attend the El Cantante premiere. [Glitterati]

Hee. Star magazine still hates Angelina Jolie. [popbytes]

Well, Hilary. Your ex-boyfriend is having a baby with his new girlfriend, who got pregnant against all anatomical odds. They’re giving exclusive interviews to Diane Sawyer. He’ll probably marry her soon.

But you, my dear, get to host the Teen Choice Awards!!! Isn’t that a fabulous consolation prize? Well, that, and, you’re not knocked up right now. Or going to jail.

Hilary and Nick Cannon were announced today as the hosts. The show will air August 26 on Fox.

From Page Six:

Lindsay Lohan may have one loyal person on her payroll after all – her bodyguard, Jaz. A source tells The Post’s Marianne Garvey that the troubled starlet’s ever-present guard and driver, Jazman Bennett, has been fielding offers of up to $500,000 from magazines and news outlets in the U.S. and London, but has turned down every one. He’s known for being loyal and protective – unlike Lohan’s former bodyguard, Lee Weaver, who sold her out to News of the World, saying he “lost count of the times I thought she was overdosing.”

Loyal and protective? I think it’s more likely that Lindsay learned her lesson and made this guy sign a contract ensuring he would not sell his story to the press. She can probably sue him for way more than $500K if he talks.

Rumors spread earlier this week that Paris Hilton’s grandfather, Barron Hilton, had taken the heiress out of his will after her recent jail stay, having finally had enough of her tarnishing the family name.

Not true, says the NY Post. A family rep sent the paper the following quote from the elder Hilton: “I love her very much and am proud of what she has accomplished.”