Got this tip in my inbox yestersday …

Lindsay Lohan’s assistant is named Tarin Graham,20. Her and her mother, live in Santa Monica where Lindsay hideout the night before she booked herself for her first dui incident. Tarin’s boyfriend is also a known cocaine and marijuana dealer. Tarin’s mother owns a new black escalade, the one lindsay was chasing them in.

Leave my email annonymous

I ignored it until Lindsay sent the following statement to Billy Bush at Access Hollywood:

“Yes. I am innocent… did not do drugs they’re not mine. I was almost hit by my assistant Tarin’s mom. I appreciate everyone giving me my privacy.”

So make of it what you will.

I think Rob was originally scheduled to do the show to promote his film, We Now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry. But when Lindsay Lohan ditched her spot on the show in exchange for a jail cell, everyone decided it would be much better for ratings if he showed up dressed in drag and pretended to be Lindsay. The end result was pretty funny.

I stuck Jay’s opening monologue (the part that deals with Lindsay) at the end of the clip, for anyone interested.

I have been waiting FOREVER for the chance to do this! This is soooo exciting! Okay, you guys ready? Here we go!!

Dan Castellanata as Homer Simpson

Julie Kavner as Marge Simpson

Nancy Cartwright as Bart Simpson

Yeardley Smith as Lisa Simpson

See??? HOW MUCH FUN WAS THAT??!!!!!!

OMG that was soooo worth the wait.

So what was Samantha Ronson — Lindsay’s BFF, drug dealer, photo pimp and sometime lesbian lover — doing while Lindsay was hiding out after her Tuesday morning DUI arrest?

Shopping!

SamRo was spotted at Dior and Hermes on Tuesday.

Maybe she was buying presents for Lindsay! Or maybe she just doesn’t care that Lindsay is totally and completely fucked. Or maybe, just maybe, she’s the only person in Lindsay’s life who’s not trying to leverage Lindsay’s pain to land herself an appearance on every entertainment news show and a quote in every gossip publication. Maybe.

For a reported $100 million.

That sum includes a $40M lump sum payment, and around $5M a year in child support until little Beatrice turns 18. Why on earth does Beatrice need $5 mil a year, you ask? For the cocaine habit, silly. I mean, she’ll be 12 before you know it.

I need to find me a Beatle to marry.

Because now it can be yours, for the low, low price of $500,000. Yup, that’s right, half a million dollars. It’s available on eBay!

I can’t imagine this thing is actually worth half a mil, but the seller says he’s willing to discuss any reasonable offer.

What would you do with this domain name if you owned it?

Jennifer Lopez turns 38. [Allie]

Serena Williams gets butt naked. [Yeeeah!]

Madonna’s looking a little drunk. [Celebslam]

The world needs more photos of Michelle Williams. [Drunken Stepfather]

Eva Mendes is really glad she’s hot. Amen, sister. [The Bosh]

In a move that absolutely reeks of Spencer Pratt’s take on marketing, he and his best friend Brody Jenner are “feuding.”

Sources tell Usmagazine.com that after a ten-year relationship that included creating a reality show (FOX’s The Princes of Malibu), partying like young Hollywood royalty and lobbying their way onto MTV’s The Hills, reality stars Spencer Pratt and Brody Jenner have broken off their friendship.

Sources confirm that the rift began shortly after Pratt made inflammatory comments about Brody’s ex Nicole Richie in a Details magazine story earlier this year, and the break was cemented about a month ago when Pratt was angered by Jenner rekindling a frienship with arch-enemy Lauren Conrad.

Really, guys?

That is so gay.

Feuding is for chicks. Leave it to Lauren and Heidi. I know, I know, you’re tired of Lauren and Heidi getting all the publicity, you both desperately want to be famous, etc, etc. I know the drill. But maybe you could have, I dunno, attended an AA meeting after alerting X17? Totaled a car? Slept with Paris Hilton? Proposed to Heidi Montag? (Oh, wait, you already did that.) But feuding over Lauren Conrad? Soooo gay. You guys need to find a new tactic, stat.