Paris Hilton’s making a comeback, baby, and the wonky eye is coming along for the ride!

The wonky eye has been in hiding recently — it was probably really traumatized by the jail stay and wasn’t quite as ready to face the public again as the rest of Paris’s body — but we can all breathe a sigh of relief, because it’s back! Paris has just announced that she’s working on a new film and a new album, so I just can’t think of a better way to herald the return of the wonky eye! Welcome back, baby!!!

At the Fergie concert in Las Vegas on Sunday night.

Danica McKellar, who played adorable girl-next-door Winnie on The Wonder Years, is hoping to send a positive message to young women with her new book, Math Doesn’t Suck: How to Survive Middle-School Math Without Losing Your Mind or Breaking a Nail. Danica hopes the book will help encourage young women, who traditionally fall behind boys in the discipline around middle school, to stop hating math so much.

After finishing The Wonder Years, Danica pursued a degree in mathematics at UCLA, managing to co-author a paper with a professor that proves a theorem in mathematical physics.

“When girls see the antics of Paris Hilton and Lindsay Lohan, they think that being fun and glamorous also means being dumb and irresponsible,” said McKellar. “But I want to show them that being smart is cool. Being good at math is cool. And not only that, it can help them get what they want out of life.”

Meanwhile, widespread reports indicate that Lindsay Lohan has begun work on her rookie literary effort, Danica McKellar Sucks.

Because, you know, when it was just one sex tape and one DUI, it was kind of funny to leave these two alone with small children and farm animals. But now we’re dealing with multiple recorded hours of drug use, racist rants, probable herpes infections, pregnancies out of wedlock, three DUIs and two jail sentences, and all of a sudden no one really wants their kids on TV quite that badly anymore.

Did Jessica Alba dump her boyfriend because he wouldn’t marry her? [Derek Hail]

Jamie Pressley goes for “Pirate slut chic” on her birthday. [Drunken Stepfather]

Check out Lindsay Lohan’s Jill Stuart ads. [POTP]

Heidi Klum sluts it up for Arena magazine. [Fatback & Collards]

Faith Hill doesn’t want anyone else grabbing her husband’s balls. [Jordan]

Because you’ll definitely want to drop some before you catch her Sweet Escape tour. These are a few pics from the tour’s stop in Sydney. Honestly, people, how can you not get high for this?

So I’m flipping through a bunch of photos from the Stardust premiere in LA, and I can’t help but notice that Miss Claire Danes has a distinctly man-like quality in all of them. Is this just me? Has she always kind of had a mannish facial structure? Or has all that homewrecking just given her an extra dose of testosterone recently? What do you guys think?

Remember the good old days, when the worst thing we had to say about Britney Spears was that she married Kevin Federline? Back when we thought he was the problem? Oh, how very wrong we were!

Another disastrous chapter in Britney’s life (and, by extension, all of ours) has come to a close, as her divorce from Kevin was finalized today.

It looks like Kevin’s getting $15K/month in child support as well as $20K/month in spousal support, but the spousal support will come to an end in November. The custody arrangement is currently a 50/50 split, but neither party is happy with that arrangement. Kevin, who’s not even on speaking terms with Britney right now, wants full custody, and word on the street is that he plans to go back to court as early as this week to fight for it. Last I heard, Britney’s mother and father are backing up Kevin’s fight for full custody, because they recognize what a train wreck their daughter’s become. Hey, at least they’re not enabling Britney’s insanity, a la Dina Lohan.