You can read the full petition from the LA City Attorney’s office here.

Here are the key points:

1) Paris is earning credit against her 45 days every day she is under electronic surveillance at home. So we’ll never get those Paris-in-jail days back. The petition urges again and again that time is of the essence here, which is probably how they got a 9 a.m. court date for tomorrow.

2) The LA City Attorney’s office was not notified about Hilton’s early release, and they are fucking pissed about that.

3) The sentencing initially given by the court, both orally and in writing, stated that Paris should not have the option of being under house arrest for any of her time.

4) The LA City Attorney says that the Sheriff’s Department should be held in contempt of court for releasing Hilton early and violating the judge’s orders.

HELLS YEAH.

PUT THE FUCKING SHERIFF IN JAIL TOO.

I’ve been sad today — a little bit angry, really — and I didn’t really understand why until I heard that Paris Hilton might actually have to go back to jail, and suddenly I felt a lot better.

Paris will have to appear in court at 9 a.m. tomorrow, after Judge Michael Sauer, who initially sentenced her to jail, ordered her to. The city attorney Rocky Delgadillo filed a petition late Thursday afternoon questioning if Sheriff Lee Baca should be held in contempt of court for releasing her early Thursday morning.

Can we please give Michael Sauer and Rocky Delgadillo a fucking reality TV show? Can we start having them walk the red carpet? Can we start running photographs of them? Because they’re the people we should be looking up to, not Paris Hilton’s trashy, racist, self-obsessed ass.

As I vented in my Film.com column earlier today, this is perhaps the most blatant case of pocketbook justice I can recall. Paris being unhappy in jail is not a reason to let her out! NO ONE IS HAPPY IN JAIL. JAIL IS NOT A HAPPY PLACE. THAT IS WHY IT IS A PUNISHMENT. Regular people without fancy lawyers have to stay in jail, even when they don’t like it there, when they break the law. It is total bullshit that Paris could be let out after only three days.

Honestly, I tend to stay pretty emotionally distanced from celebrity goings-on, and, most days, I don’t give a shit about Paris Hilton one way or another, but this seems a gross abuse of the justice system in this country, and it really has me pissed off. I hope the little bitch has to go back.

Hello friends. It’s been quite a bit since I’ve thrown some music your way, so here goes nothing. This is a lot more folksy than we usually feature.. but it’s one my favorite artists, Todd Snider. And it’s pretty mean spirited too, befitting of my moniker. So have a heart, eh?

If it helps at all I’ve seen Todd in concert and I’m fairly sure he’s insane.

One last thing, to be in on the joke note the name of the song.. it’s not just a tribute.

Britney Spears youngest tot hasn’t been photographed in public — at least not clearly — since his September 2006 birth, leading many to wonder if there was something wrong with the young Federline. However, it appears Jayden James is alive and well and playing in Hawaii, where Britney is vacationing with her cousin Alli, after spending time in Mexico last week.

If you’re awake, you probably already know that Paris Hilton was released from jail early this morning due to “medical reasons.” (You can read the press release from the LA Sheriff’s Dept here.)

Lars speculates that the “medical reasons” are because she wasn’t eating, which sounds like as good a guess as any.

However, publicist Jonathan Jaxson claims to have the real story straight from the Hilton family:

Paris was apparently suffering from severe panic attacks and depression, where she even became suicidal. Towards the end of her stay, Paris began, what others call, a nervous breakdown. Her psychiatrist was so concerned for her well being they did everything possible to get her to a place in which was comfortable for her and her health.

This isn’t exactly consistent with TMZ’s story that Paris was beginning to adjust to jail life, but it’s possible her improved attitude was due to her knowledge that she’d be getting out soon.

Regardless, none of these seem like acceptable reasons for her to be let out of jail. Poor baby, she doesn’t like it there. She’s not eating and she’s crying a whole lot. We need to let her out.

Nobody likes jail. That’s why it’s a punishment.

Sigh.

TMZ is reporting this morning that Paris has been freed after only three days in the clink.

TMZ.com quoted what it called “unimpeachable sources” saying Hilton left the Century Regional Detention Facility in Lynwood, California, early Thursday.

If these sources indeed can’t be peached then I’d say our long national nightmare is over.

**Update**

Paris Hilton has been fitted for ankle bracelet and put under house arrest, after authorities determined to release Hilton from prison due to medical reasons, this according to Los Angeles County Sheriff’s Dept. spokesperson Steve Whitmore.

Medical reasons!! So, she’ll be delivered back to the mansion where her servants can work her back into health. I bet this is due to her not eating. Now I totally know why the caged bird sings…

Despite enviably having the American Idol finale lead-in for its premiere, Fox’s On the Lot is averaging a mere 3.1 million viewers in its ever-changing time slot. I know my buddy MK over at popbytes likes the show, but I just couldn’t get into it. They keep switching up hosts (Is it Chelsea Handler? Is it Adrianna Costa? Any chance of Rosie O’Donnell next week?) and judges (I was initially promised a weekly Brett Ratner!) and formats (Weren’t they making a film in teams at one point?). There’s such a lack of consistency on the show that I honestly couldn’t even figure out whose picture I was supposed to use at the top of this post. Do not confuse the bloggers, Fox. We’re not big on solving puzzles — that’s why we have commenters.

And, frankly, there’s a very good reason why there’s not a large market for short films. Audiences don’t want to tune in to watch them for an hour. I’m not sure how that little tidbit didn’t arise in initial testing for the show. Anyway, if you are, against all odds, finding yourself a fan of the show, don’t get too attached. I doubt it’ll even make it to the end of the season, and none of these kids will get a job at DreamWorks, which is probably just the way Steven Spielberg wants it, anyway.

Thanks to Defamer for the heads-up.