Update: Page Six confirms that the other girl here is Vanessa Minnillo.

You’re all going to be searching for these pictures of Lindsay Lohan with a knife come Monday, so we may as well have them here. Frankly, I don’t find these as terrifying or shocking as some do — the girl’s a drug addict. She was drunk and high and playing with knives. Who hasn’t been there?

Anyway, News of the World can’t seem to get their story straight about this one. First, they say the pics were “taken just weeks before she was admitted to rehab for the second time” and later they say they were “taken four months ago.” I’m sure someone can do a hair color analysis and determine when they were taken, pretty much to the hour, but who cares? They were taken, and girlfriend was fucked up.

If this isn’t enough fun for you, News of the World is making up quotes again. A “friend from Lindsay’s inner circle” talks about her current stay at Promises: “On the first night she couldn’t stop crying. Since then she’s refused to follow the rules and keeps having hissy fits about people. In one of her group meetings she yelled that her friend Paris was a coke whore and couldn’t believe how stupid she’d been driving while banned. She said, ‘Paris thinks she’s above everyone. She’s not. Paris is a stupid cow and deserves what she gets’ … She saw a woman who is bulimic and said, ‘She’s like Nicole. What problems does Nicole have? The girl just needs to eat. Period’.”

Then the friend’s all like, “She cries all the time at what a mess her life has become and how she has behaved like a complete tart. The clinic even took her mobile from her to make sure she can’t call people who are a bad influence on her. But she went berserk so they gave her a new phone with only the numbers of her family, publicist and agent on it.”

This is such bullshit. First off, memo to NotW: Americans do not say “tart” and they do not say “mobile.” They say “asshole” and “cell phone.” So maybe Lindsay’s tattling BFF is British? Doubtful. More likely, she’s completely fabricated. And how on earth would she have all this info? If Lindsay’s having so much trouble using a cell phone, how is she getting in touch with these international pals? And why is she reciting to them exactly what she said in group therapy? Such, such bullshit. But feel free to pretend it’s real, because it’s fun that way.

Anyway, moral of the story: Lindsay Lohan is fucked up and needs help.

Enjoy the pics.

Just asking. How creepy is it to buy your little girl a Lindsay Lohan doll?

“I wanna be just like Lindsay. Sleep with lots of boys and look like I’m 30 by the time I turn 21. Please mommy! She is my hero! Can I go to rehab someday.”

I’m guessing mothers who buy these dolls for their daughters come from the Dina Lohan school of parenting.

Paris Hilton will have until Tuesday to start her stint in jail. Even though she is “being treated like any other prisoner” she will be separated from other inmates during her stay. According to a spokesperson for the jail,

Once [Paris] arrives, the ”Simple Life” star will be housed in the jail’s ‘’special needs” unit. Like other inmates in the special-needs area, Hilton will take her meals in her cell and will be allowed outside the 12-foot-by-8-foot space for at least an hour each day to shower, watch TV in the day room, participate in outdoor recreation or talk on the telephone.

Ok that doesn’t sound so bad. She gets to check out some TV, maybe jog around the yard. I bet she could deal with that for 24 days.
He goes on to say,

Inmates are not allowed to bring cell phones into the jail.

Oh my god! She is going to feel naked. Honestly without the ability to send mean spirited text messages and sexually suggestive photos to her friends via her Sidekick what will she do? Can she even read if they give her a book?
Not only will Paris be without her signature cell phone she also will be without her million dollar wardrobe and hair products. I really wish that she would have to be there for a bit longer. I would love to see what those extensions would do after a couple months with no conditioning. Not only do I not think she can read but I also question if anyone has ever taught her how to brush her own hair.

Besides a decidedly unglamorous orange jumpsuit, inmates are issued a standard-issue kit that includes: a toothbrush, tube of toothpaste, soap, a comb, deodorant, shampoo and shaving implements, along with a jail-issued pencil, stationery, envelopes and stamps.

She will probably be booted out of jail in about 3 days. Those jails are so overcrowded anyway that nobody ends up staying there for too long unless they kill someone.

The heat must really be getting to me. College Humor has a bunch of photos that are sexually suggestive trick photographs. They are a bit juvenile but totally hilarious. Enjoy!

Rumer Willis decided that an ill-fitting top and some leopard print palazzo pants would be a great idea. It was not a great idea as seen here. I really think that girls who have not so pretty faces need to wear long hair. The pixie thing only works for Natalie Portman-equse beauties. Rumer is getting on my nerves just a bit. She has famous parents and some famous friends but seriously is getting up there in the fug department.

Kristin Cavallari, who really has done nothing of note since her turn as a bitchy high schooler on the reality show “Laguna Beach,” is seen here at the Kari Feinstein MTV Movie Awards Style Lounge getting her swag on. I think all this girl does is show up at Hollywood parties and get bags and shoes. She did an episode of Veronica Mars, a failed reality show “Get This Party Started” some indie movie that nobody saw and is set to grace the silver screen in “Spring Breakdown” in 2008.

I am surprised that she keeps getting invited to these things. When does your Laguna fame end? Seriously people.

As if you could possibly get any more excited about the upcoming Simpsons movie, it turns out that Green Day will be covering the well-known Simpsons theme song for the film. They’ll be doing a punk version of the song, which will be released as a single on July 24, three days before the movie hits theaters.

Two-time Academy Award winner and genuinely talented human being Hilary Swank did the unthinkable on Friday: she didn’t show up at Hyde. She didn’t get wasted. She didn’t get a DUI and she didn’t check into rehab. Instead, she helped kick off a round-the-world run to raise awareness of the world’s 1.1 billion people who lack access to clean drinking water. Swank was supporting Blue Planet Run, a project in which 20 runners will log 15,200 miles over 95 days. Each participant will run 10 miles at a time.

Hilary told the AP she had taken the “ordinary miracle” of clean drinking water “for granted far too many times.”

“Making safe drinking water available is everyone’s problem,” she said, “and it’s a problem it will take everyone to solve. It’s easy for me to show up today and talk about this. The real heroes are the 20 people who are actually running … and putting their lives on hold for the 95 days.”

For more about how you can help, by donating your time or your money, click here. $30 of your cash provides one person with safe drinking water to last a lifetime. That’s like the price of two beers at Hyde. You’ve got no excuse.

Ultra-huge props to Presidential candidate Barack Obama for taking a fabulously pro-gay stance for a front-runner. Barack just released this statement with regards to Pride Month. He’s stopping shy of actually advocating gay marriage, or explicitly encouraging all states to pass civil union laws, but it’s a solid start:

Pride Month is a reminder that while we have come a long way since the Stonewall riots in 1969, we still have a lot of work to do.

Too often, the issue of LGBT rights is exploited by those seeking to divide us. But at its core, this issue is about who we are as Americans. It’s about whether this nation is going to live up to its founding promise of equality by treating all its citizens with dignity and respect.

It’s time to turn the page on the bitterness and bigotry that fill so much of today’s LGBT rights debate. The rights of all Americans should be protected — whether it’s at work or anyplace else. “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” needs to be repealed because patriotism and a sense of duty should be the key tests for military service, not sexual orientation. Civil unions should give gay couples full rights. And those who commit hate crimes should be punished no matter whether those crimes are committed on account of race, religion, gender identity, or sexual orientation.

This Pride Month, let’s make our founding promise of equality a reality for every American.

Thanks to Perez for the heads-up.

Lauren Hastings, the young model who recently sat down to discuss her issues with Lindsay Lohan the clothes thief and raging bitch, is back at Buzznet to weigh in on the most recent developments in LiLoLand and talk about the party scene in Hollywood.

I don’t know why I dig these videos so much. There’s not much new here, but there’s something about this girl that’s just infinitely watchable.

Probably.

While her DJ pal Samantha Ronson, 29, looks like she’s there to help her pal through thick and thin, she’s really making a tidy profit on the side, shilling Lohan, 20, out to photographers eager to get her photo looking passed out and wasted. While an “out of it” Lohan thought she was just going home after a night out at Teddy’s in Hollywood on May 27, Ronson made a side trip to a gas station.
A source tells Celebrity Babylon, “The car was only down a quarter tank, and yet Samantha stopped for gas. She has a side deal with a photo agency and they paid her to make the pit stop!”

If that wasn’t shocking enough, sources say that it was Ronson who was holding the cocaine later found in Lindsay’s car. “There were three of them crammed into the Mercedes sports car and Samantha was the one that had the cocaine with her. Lindsay later questioned her about leaving it in the car for the cops to find and Samantha blew her off.”

Ronson, who makes anywhere from $2,000 to $3,000 a night deejaying at clubs and private parties, has accumulated a substantial side income taking her pal in front of paparazzi cameras for money.

Well the pics of Lindsay at the gas station came from X17, so I guess that’s who SamRo has the side deal with.

Everybody who’s anybody (and not yet in rehab or jail) came out for the BlackBerry Curve launch party in Bev Hills last night. It looks like they made everyone pose with a BlackBerry on the red carpet, which is so funny to me for some reason. Eva Longoria was there, and Paris and Nicky Hilton. Kevin Connolly showed up, which must have been a little awkward for Nicky. Jessica Alba and Michael Chiklis. Kat McPhee. Rumer Willis. Karina Smirnoff was there with Mario Lopez. And Ian Ziering, who seems loathe to miss an opportunity to walk the carpet these days.