It’s so unfair that everyone promotes everything in Japan, leaving us non-Japanese based writers out in the cold.

Well, check out the above picture and note that it’s going down again. Bruce Willis is over there promoting his new film, Live Free or Die Old right this moment. He’s enjoying good sushi with real Wasabi (I’ve been assured you can’t get “real” Wasabi in the states) while singing Karaoke and partying with Harajuku girls. And where the hell are we? At our desks.

I hope it’s all worth it Bruce. Stay away from the Yakuza.

From People:

Paris Hilton made a phone call to the View host (BaBwa Walters) on Sunday to talk about her state of mind, ABC News reports.

See, I saw the crying face and my heart melted. If you’re a woman in my life, and you want something, just fire up those tears. I’ll get a second job honey, no problemo. But now, thankfully, Paris has gone back on the “pay attention to me” crusade. Yay!

According to ABC News, Hilton told Walters that her attitude has changed. “I used to act dumb,” she said. “That act is no longer cute. Now, I would like to make a difference. God has given me this new chance.”

Chances that Paris changes? Is negative infinity zero a number?

Walters is a longtime friend of Hilton’s mother, and in May, Kathy Hilton gave Walters a public statement in which she said she wished “young people who look up to people like Paris can learn from this.”

Hey. If you know a young person who looks up to Paris I want you to find them and and start a dialogue. They are clearly screwed up. Offer up an alternative, such as a pudgy gossip writer. Trust me, they’ll thank you in the long run.

On Sunday, all the celebrities who weren’t at the Disney event for the Elizabeth Glaser Pediatric AIDS Foundation dragged their asses (and the diapered asses of their small children) all the way down to Anaheim for the opening of the Finding Nemo ride.

I’m primarily interested in these images because, once again, Denise Richards insisted on trotting her obviously anti-camera children in front of photogs again. This time she only brought Sam, leaving Lola at home in peace, I suppose. These children always look unhappy in photos. Why do you insist on doing this to them, Denise?

In stark contrast, Brooke Shields’ little daughters, Rowan and Grier, are absolutely adorable. Mariska Hargitay was there with her son August. Kobe Bryant brought his whole family. Courteney Cox and Lisa Kudrow were there for reasons that baffle me. (Actually, Courteney was probably there because David Arquette and his sister Patricia, who brought her daughter and goddaughter, were.) Leah Remini, Scientologist extraordinaire, brought her husband Angelo Pagan and her daughter, Sofia Bella (Pagan’s three children from his previous marriage clearly lost their invites in the mail). Melissa Joan Hart brought her cutie son Mason. And no event would be complete without the darling Sprouse Brothers, still pretending to be 15 years old.

WHAT THE FUCK???

I don’t know what sort of artistic statement David Chase was shooting for, but that was fucking bullshit. It’s really cute that he gets to end the show on his own terms, but we’re the ones who have been keeping that show on the air for the past eight-and-a-half years. We deserve something better than that bullshit ending. I’ll admit that those last five minutes were some of the most oddly suspenseful in television history, and in such a mundane setting, too. It was brilliant. Anything was possible. It could have been so good. And yet, it was so, so bad.

There had better be a movie.

What do you guys think?

If you’re anything like me, you need a good laugh to dissolve the intense, intense anger you’re feeling after watching the final episode of The Sopranos. I won’t give away any specific plot details for those of you who recorded it, but suffice it to say: Fuck you, David Chase. Okay? Fuck. You. I think I understand what it feels like to have blue balls now. So, like, I’d like to offer an long-overdue apology to all those guys from back in high school. That was not cool of me.

Anyway, check out this short film, Guess Jew. It’s pretty funny.

Alicia Silverstone has animals, so who needs a career? [Agent Bedhead]

Julia Roberts is very pregnant. [Gabby Babble]

Emily Scott is hot and in lingerie. [F&C]

No amount of cocaine can stop Kate Moss from being sexy. [CityRag]

Tori Amos weighs in on the G8 summit in her own special way. [popbytes]

Adam Brody’s got a new girlfriend. You’ve never heard of her. [POTP]

Mandy Moore won’t let you see her naked. [The Bosh]

Neither will Orlando Bloom. [Celebslam]

Jessica Alba is purty. [The Blemish]

Guyliner: hot or not? Vote, people! [Bree]

Carrie Underwood playing softball. It doesn’t get a lot cuter than this. [Drunken Stepfather]

Someone should really do a “Top Ten Reasons Why The Guy Who’d Planned to Kidnap David Letterman’s Son Was Able to Escape from Prison.” I’d do it, but I don’t actually care that much. [A Socialite's Life]

According to The Daily News, one of the reasons Paris was getting so sick at Lynwood was that she refused to eat or drink for three days, because she didn’t want to have to pee in her little cell. Apparently the toilet in the cell was visible to those outside, and she was terrified that someone would take a picture of her on the can. That’s hot. There are special websites for things like that, you know.

The stainless steel lavatory in the hotel heiress’ 12-foot-by-8-foot cell was in plain view of a large window in the door, which guards could look through 24 hours a day.

“She was absolutely terrified that one of the guards or staffers would get her with the cell-phone cam and it would wind up on the Internet,” a Hilton insider said yesterday.

“She didn’t eat or drink a single thing for three days because she didn’t want to use the toilet. She was in real danger.”

Hilton also suffered from “extreme claustrophobia” and began hyperventilating and freaking out.

“She cried the entire time, and that wasn’t helping the dehydration,” the source said.

Jail medical officials became concerned that severe dehydration and a buildup of waste and toxins in Hilton’s body could cause a complete collapse and “even kill her,” the source said.

Also, TMZ reports that Paris was only allowed two visitors today — her first visitors yet — and she chose sister Nicky and Stavros Niarchos. Her mom and dad will visit on Tuesday. She is reportedly doing a lot better today, as she’s been under heavy sedation and is on whatever meds she needed. Seriously, people, when is someone going to leak what these meds were? It’s been like three days. It’s time.

Everyone seemed to be in a genuinely good mood on Sunday at the Disney-sponsored event to support the Elizabeth Glaser Pediatric AIDS Foundation in Westwood.

Jamie-Lynn Spears was there with an unidentified guest (a boyfriend, maybe? Anyone know who this Abercrombied hottie is?), and, boy, she must just be really happy that it’s not her sister in jail right now. A very pregnant Bridget Moynahan was goofing around with an adorable Molly Sims. Lauren Conrad showed up with Audrina Patridge (not surprisingly, there was no Heidi Montag in sight). Carmen Electra showed up, as did ex-hubby Dave Navarro (wearing the most adorable little shirt — I’m pretty sure I got the same one at Banana Republic a few seasons ago). Brooke Burke even brought a cowboy hat. And, of course, my darling Ashley Tisdale, once again investing her time and energy in charity rather than partying.