Yeah. She’s stunning now. I wanna be on American Idol. Everyone comes out of that show looking so much hotter than they went in. Except Taylor Hicks. He was unsalvageable.
At some Sephora party in Hollywood yesterday.
The second stop on the Britney Spears Comeback Tour 2007 was the House of Blues in Anaheim (really, Brit? Anaheim?). Security was super tight: no cell phones or recording equipment was allowed inside, and guests had to go through metal detectors to get in. Brit went on a little after 9:30 and performed for 12 minutes.
Brit was apparently so focused on her singing that she was able to chew gum for a portion of the performance.
So far, to HoB security’s credit, no photos or videos from last night have leaked. But I will, as always, be trolling the Internet, and, if anything shows up, I’ll post it. 
So, like, I think what this blog needs today is more Lindsay Lohan stories.
No, I’m kidding. Sort of.
Since we’ve essentially become LohanWatch2007.com (does someone own that?) these past few days, I’d like to skip today’s Lohan story, and I would, I really would, if only it didn’t involve Ryan Seacrest. Make sense of this oddball Page Six item:
LINDSAY Lohan just can’t seem to stop partying - and, unluckily for her, word on the street is that someone may have recorded her revelry with a cellphone video camera. We can’t divulge what Lohan was allegedly caught doing, but if true, it won’t sit well with her younger fans. Apparently, all the naughtiness went down last week at a party at a private house in Beverly Hills that was also attended by her frenemy Paris Hilton, shipping heir Stavros Niarchos and Ryan Seacrest. At one point, the party was disrupted by a huge rat that ran into several rooms, causing revelers to scream, drop their drinks and run, until Niarchos kicked the rodent out onto a balcony. A rep for Lohan told Page Six, “I have not heard of this.”
Okay, forget Lindsay Lohan. I really don’t care if someone has video of her doing cocaine. Her whole life is basically video of her doing cocaine. I want to see Ryan “Idol Gives Back” Seacrest doing some fat ass lines while Paris Hilton sits on his lap giggling. You know what I hope? I hope Lindsay puts on a fake British accent and is all like, “You know, Paris, your singing is like bad karaoke. It’s like … cheap cruise ship hooker music,” and then I hope Ryan’s all like, “Oh, Simon, is it really that bad?” and then Lindsay — still all British — is all like, “Ryan, you know you just want to have sex with me. In the anus,” and then Ryan’s like “That’s so true, Simon, I want that gigantic cock of yours so that I can …” and then I hope Paris falls off his lap, passed out. I hope this is all on camera and I hope it hits the Internet soon.
Oh, get your minds out of the gutter. Lindsay’s relationship with Ellen is nothing like her relationship with Samantha Ronson; it involves a lot less cunnilingus, I’d imagine.
That didn’t stop Ellen from basically giving her head anyway. Lohan did Ellen’s from-the-bed talk show on Wednesday, and she touched upon topics as far-reaching as the on-set drama of Georgia Rule (she’s sticking to that bronchial asthma story goddammit), Bill Cosby’s temper and her picks for American Idol.
In the second clip, Ellen pits her against the Are You Smarter Than a 5th Grader kids, and LiLo gets to show off her impressive mastery of lunar properties, English grammar and hummingbirds. She gets total props from me for identifying an adverb without any prompting. Shit, I’ve worked with writers who can’t do that. Cocaine is an awesome study aid.
Second clip is after the jump.
You know in college when you are going through your photos of a night out with the girls? First you look rockin’ in your tube top and mini skirt. Then, as the evening winds down, you are downing red headed slut shots and snarfing up chicken tenders. You start to get that booze bloat and end up deleting a good amount of those post 2am photos. Sadly Lindsay Lohan can’t do that and she just looks beat here.
I don’t want to call her fat because she isn’t in any way. I will call her a bit of a drunken mess. I thought she went to rehab, what a waste of time and money. She just needs to put a sex tape out and be over with it. Homegirl is nuts and I think Hollyweird will be done with her soon.
Hayden Panettiere…watch out. You are all fresh faced now but after a few too many nights at Hyde and a secret drug problem this too could be you.
Rosie isn’t going to bother Elizabeth anymore about current affairs. The left and right wingers usually spar over issues such as abortion, the war in Iraq and Georgie B. in general.
Rosie today decided to call a truce on her crazy blog since Elizabeth is preggers and she doesn’t want to upset the unborn fetus.
on the view
u have seen my last hasselbeck spat
2 day was it
no more - its done
there is a new life
there - inside
and in the end -
what else matters
Touching Rosie. Just touching.
I know you’re going to dig this. In this clip old Bruce Willis:
1) Slurs
2) Cracks on Cybill Shepherd
3) Ends with the best catchphrase from a movie ever, throwing profanity out on the airwaves for all to hear.
Enjoy!
In the oh-so-capable hands of Sarah Silverman, even beastiality is funny. [popbytes]
Celeb bikini watch brings us Vanessa Anne Hudgens today. We’ve got a whole summer of this ahead of us, kids! [Grumpiest]
And hooray for a Sienna Miller nip slip! [Drunken Stepfather]
See, it occurs to Britney Spears to cover her nipples with flowers, but cover her vagina with underwear? Why would she do that? [The Bosh]
Reese and Jake are still going strong. [Cele|bitchy]
Carmen Electra and what must have been a goddamn stable of airbrushers team up for her pictorial in FHM Russia. Honestly, this isn’t even a pictorial. Somebody painted this. The original, oil on canvas, is hanging in a museum in St. Petersberg. Carmen Electra hasn’t looked like this in 10 years and you know it, FHM. [CityRag]
BREAKING: Paris Hilton spends a truly unreasonable amount of time looking at herself in the mirror. [Gossip or Truth]
More pics of Britney’s San Diego HoB show. [Allie is Wired]
Hayden Panettiere’s 10-year-old brother is about two years away from the disturbing realization that he totally wants to bang his sister. [Ninja Dude]
Rosie won’t be fighting with Elizabeth Hasselbeck anymore, lest such blatant liberalism somehow interfere with her co-host’s pregnancy. I don’t know. Whatever. [ASL]
You know, guys, it’s really hard for Keira Knightley to eat when you keep calling her anorexic. All the stress just takes her appetite right away. But not, like, in an anorexic way. It’s just that refusing to eat is her response to high-stress situations. Sheesh. [MollyGood]
Frodo just peered into my soul… AHHHHH… the EYES… I can’t take it… help me escape… can’t breathe!!!! Make him look away, for the love of God!
These are all from Australian Fashion Week, and they are all very good advice for y’all wanting to look good.
If you show up looking like this dates will want to bang. In a big way. Take note.
This first look says “I’ve put on the lotion AND I’ve gotten the hose.”
Next up is “Beautiful is for all the other models!”
“You ordered the village idiot? I’m here!”
“One day my forehead will conquer nations.”
You get the idea. Oh, you crazy Aussies!
If you’re like me (and I hope, for your sake, you’re not), and your life is basically a whole lot of nothingness puntuated by the regular perusal of what’s new on WireImage, you would be aware that Kirsten Dunst has been a regular Magellan this week, traversing the globe in search of shinier dresses and stronger cocaine, as Spiderman 3 premiered everywhere they can subtitle it. It opened across Asia, Europe and Australia yesterday and today, and preliminary box office reports are staggering. The film broke records in Hong Kong, Thailand, Malaysia, Singapore, the Philippines and Taiwan, and beat out the Spidey 2 openings in Korea and Japan.
Look for it to kick some Aquaman ass here in the U.S. On Friday, it will open domestically in 4,163 theaters, the largest opening in the history of the world, and that’s including Paris Hilton’s vagina.
Get ready for the summer movie season, kids. Disturbia what?
At an Australian press event for this summer’s Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer.
