AP LONDON - Hugh Grant has been arrested for allegedly throwing a container of baked beans at a photographer, London police said.

There are magical fruit jokes to be made but those are juvenile and insulting to our reader’s intelligence. So I’ll just say this: I’d love it if Hugh threw any canned good at my dome. Then I could take the next few years off.

What? You think Jessica Simpson’s trampy little ass has a monopoly on hawking crappy lip glosses? If there’s anything the U.S. market needs, it’s another line of celebrity cosmetics. Vanessa Minnillo has called hers Flirt! (The exclamation point belongs to the cosmetics line — please note that I am not really that excited about all this.) She unveiled the new line last night in NYC, where she just bought a condo with Nick Lachey.

The little pixie was crowned in DC tonight. If you have any cash left after Idol’s fund-tastic tearjerker tonight (I prefer to think of it less as a donation to African AIDS orphans and more as a reduction in my taxable income), the Rape, Abuse and Incest National Network, co-founded by Tori Amos, always needs funds. And, admit it, after what “Me and a Gun” did for your adolescent years, this is really the least you can do.

Sorry, but we love cute animals around here.

Joe Simpson wants a crack at managing Britney Spears. [MollyGood]

The court system goes wild on Joe Francis yet again. [Cele|bitchy]

Is Tom Cruise sending Katie Holmes to Mommy classes? Well, no, but that’s the story Us Weekly’s running with this week. [SOW]

Ryan Gosling is a serious! Actor! Dammit! [Pajiba]

Donald Trump is really going to miss feuding with Rosie O’Donnell. [Celebrity Smack]

Sanjaya’s mom was a real-life Nancy Botwin. That’s so cool. [A Socialite's Life]

Check out MK from popbytes — the total hottie responsible for taking me on the best date I’ve been on all year — on AOL’s 30 Seconds to Blog. [popbytes]

Nicole Richie and Sophie Monk hit the town. [Drunken Stepfather]

Check out Heidi Montag’s new rack. [POTP]

Hilary Duff gets all the good death threats. [Ninja Dude]

This has to stop, guys. Enough is enough. You’ve had your fun. Now quit with the high-waisted pants before someone’s vagina sustains permanent damage.

“I had my four years there like high school or college. I’m ready for the next chapter—what it is, I have no idea. I don’t want to be 48 saying, ‘Hey kids, now it’s Sean Preston Spears’ video.’ ”

Vanessa Minnillo on why she’s getting the hell out of TRL.

Roger Ebert was diagnosed with cancer last year and has gone through hell to get better. He was forced to have part of his jaw amputated and because of that, and surgery to fix the problem, he is unable to speak. He knows that illness has ravaged his looks but he isn’t hiding and rather is coming out to the media as an example of going on with your life in the face of illness.

My Ninth Annual Overlooked Film Festival opens Wednesday night at the University of Illinois at Urbana, and Chaz and I will be in attendance. This year I won’t be speaking, however, as I await another surgery. I have received a lot of advice that I should not attend the festival. I’m told that paparazzi will take unflattering pictures, people will be unkind, etc.

I love that he still has a great sense of humor. He goes to say that it is the most important thing for him to be at his film festival and be surrounded by friends, well-wishers, and even the pesky gossip rags.

At least, not being able to speak, I am spared the need to explain why every film is “overlooked,” or why I wrote “Beyond the Valley of the Dolls.” Being sick is no fun. But you can have fun while you’re sick. I wouldn’t miss the festival for anything! P.S. to gossip rags: I have some back pain, and to make it easier for me to sit through screenings, the festival has installed my very own La-Z-Boy chair. Photos of me in the chair should be captioned “La-Z-Critic.”

Get Better!