Howie Day’s publicist turns a tragically under-publicized stint in rehab into a smooth ride on the Britney Spears Vagina Train. Next stop: your pop culture radar. [Celebslam]

Joe Francis is going to jail, where he can be sodomized (again). [The Blemish]

And here’s your weekly installment of “Nicole Richie and Joel Madden Leaving Mr. Chow’s.” Dude, if I were Jet Li, I’d be all about the “Hey I can make sure you have Chinese in you every night” lines with that girl. [Celebrity Smack]

I always hate to admit this, but Barron Trump is truly the cutest celebrity baby of all time. [popbytes]

Diddy’s all like “You people honestly think I was banging Aubrey O’Day? That chick was a has-been before her first album even came out. Oh, wait …” [Bossip]

Britney Spears may be staying clean, but her shirt sure isn’t. [I'm Not Obsessed]

The jokes about Heidi Montag’s new “hills” are never going to stop being funny. No really. Everyone. Make that joke. Do it again. Still funny! Get it? Because the show’s called The Hills? And she got breast implants? Get it?? [IBBB]

Admit it. You’d have sex with Rose McGowan. I don’t care who you are. You’d have sex with her. [Yeeeah!]

Um, woah. These pictures of Scary Spice fully making out with a chick kind of shed some light on why she and Eddie Murphy didn’t work out. [DListed]

Note to Jennifer Garner: when there is a photographer five feet in front of you, that is the wrong time to smell your finger and make a face. Because, whatever the context was, we don’t care. [ICYDK]

Mischa Barton’s SUV has acquired her penchant for flats. [Teddy & Moo]

Reese Witherspoon and Jake Gyllenhaal are still going strong. [Glitterati]

Lauren Conrad responded to rumors today that she made a sex tape with Jason Wahler which he is now planning to “leak.”

“There is no sex tape that exists,” says Lauren in a statement.

Awwwwwww. I hope she’s full of shit. I really really want there to be a Lauren Conrad sex tape.

I don’t know who at Gawker decided to Photoshop this picture of Top Chef hottie and resident Marcel-hater Sam Talbot, but I sure am glad they did. I thought I was having a bad day. I was wrong. This is awesome.

They photo was created to supplement a story about how Sam is opening a restaurant in NYC, some sort of burger joint, he’s not sure he can get a liquor license, lock up your wives, etc etc etc, but most importantly would he like to have sex with me? I think he has a girlfriend, but a girlfriend is not a wife. Sam? You should call me. We’re hiring … um … a chef here at Evil Beet. Someone has to feed Lars. He’s a growing boy. We think you’d be perfect for the job. Get in touch.

There is a fantastic joke to be made about Victoria Beckham’s boots here, but I can’t find it. Thoughts?

Paris and Flavor of the Week Josh Henderson hit up Parc in LA. Why is she with this guy? He’s her newest project, I guess. And we get it, Paris. The boobs are bigger. Congratulations, dear. Maybe now men will think of you more like a sex object and less like a really good friend.

Although I don’t know where she got that ridiculous red … is that a dress? Is it overalls? Is it ugly? Yes. All of the above. I’m glad she’s happy, though. Lord knows she was miserable for long enough.

The Associated Press scooped everybody on this shit. Take that, People magazine. Angelina Jolie exclusives my ass. We’ve got George Clooney being a nice guy at a lemonade stand. Also, guys, is it just me, or are George Clooney and Taylor Hicks slowly morphing into the same person?

TOBACCOVILLE, North Carolina (AP) — A group of kids on spring break thought setting up a lemonade stand near George Clooney’s movie set might be a good business move. They were right.

The star paid $20 for his lemonade, which 10-year-old Carter, 6-year-old Chandler and 5-year-old Chase Fontaine were selling for 25 cents.

Clooney made his way over to the lemonade stand Wednesday afternoon after shooting scenes for “Leatherheads,” a movie about the early days of professional football that he is directing and acting in.

The boys’ mother, Courtney Fontaine, offered Clooney the lemonade for free. He had posed for pictures with her and some other women.

But Clooney insisted on paying, sending someone over with a $20 bill. Chandler enjoyed telling people afterward that Clooney’s representative didn’t want any change.

Before long, Carter had made another sign that read, “George Clooney was here!” and planted it at the road.