Oh pleasepleasepleasepleaseplease tell me that girl was stupid enough to let Jason Wahler get her fucking on camera. Don’t get me wrong, I love LC, I think she’s adorable, and I’m usually rooting for her, but I have NO SYMPATHY for girls who let dudes do this. JUST DON’T DO IT, GIRLS. Especially if you’re Lauren Fucking Conrad. It is going to leak. Always, always. According to Perez, Lauren tried to break into Jason’s apartment to get the tape back, but she was unsuccessful. Jason finally agreed to give it back, but kept a copy for himself (duh). Now Jason wants to sell it before he goes to jail (for his physical altercation with a tow-truck driver). If no one will buy it, he may “leak” it online. Yay!!! I can’t wait!! That’s really what The Hills has been missing — a sex tape scandal.

It’s official. The Mama Jolie roller coast has reached its pinnacle and now it must swoop down into darkness. Why says so? Why US Weekly does! Page Six (ty nine) says:

Sources say Us Weekly, Star and other celebrity weeklies are so fed up with getting scooped by People, they’ve turned on Jolie and Brad Pitt with a vengeance.

I agree. Fuck People Mag right in their ear. If I ever see one of those bastards on the street I will be on them like a hurricane of nails and teeth. And elbows. Anywhoo, all of this comes on the fall-out from the notion that Jolie might adopt another kid, this time from Chad. Here’s why:

Jolie herself recently said, “Should you balance the races, so there’s another African person in the house for Zahara, after another Asian person in the house for Mad? We think so.”

Umm… what? No seriously, what does that even mean? Are all African people like each other, and thus relate better to other people who look like them? To me this flies in the face of everything Jolie was trying to do, if Asians now need be purchased in pairs it sort of defeats this whole “one world” theme she’s jockeying for.

I rarely go after Jolie, but that’s a dumb quote. I hope someone made that up.

I finally have Internet in my new apartment! Hooray!!! On a related note: FUCK TIME WARNER. Okay? FUCK YOU, TIME WARNER. It feels good to get that out. So things should be settling down to something approximating normal around here. As normal as we get, I suppose. Late-night links are back in late night. Enjoy.

Lindsay and Hilary bond over their shared hatred of Paris Hilton. [A Socialite's Life]

Are the American Idol producers actually hoping Sanjaya will stick around? [popbytes]

A Christmas Story director Bob Clark and his son were killed by a drunk driver on PCH. [fishbowlLA]

Why diet when you’re rich enough for liposuction? [CityRag]

Keith Richards manager says the rocker didn’t really snort his father’s ashes. [The Blemish]

Last week’s Project Runway auditions were short on auditioners. [Celebrity Smack]

Uma Thurman’s rack isn’t looking so hot. [POTP]

Haley Scarnato’s fiancé Bobby Krudwig got his brother and his fellow servicemen to give her a shout out from Iraq. Krudwig’s brother, Army Capt. Keith Krudwig, 34 (far left, wearing sunglasses in the photo) is in his second tour in Iraq and since he couldn’t be there to support Hayley in person, he had his mom hold up a sign that was panned to before she was annouced Tuesday.

I’m kind of a Haley fan. I have no idea why. She seems so sweet. Can’t wait for her naked pics to hit the internet.

Tanya Cooley from the “Real World”/every stupid other mutation of that mess has ventured into the world of soft core porn. Wow Tanya, that is classy. Her movie is called “The Erotic Traveler 02: Lost in Ecstasy.” You can get it on Cinimax OnDemand. According to the folks over at Reality Blurred, who watched the porn, it isn’t very exicted and followed the normal soft core format. It general consists of,

“A series of imagined flashbacks about the man and woman in the photo lead, of course, to various sexual encounters. Tonya’s characters (she appears to play more than one, but really, no one spent a lot of time on the script) are involved in multiple sex scenes, probably simulated and not at all hard-core. Still, she appears fully nude as she walks on a beach topless, gives and receives oral sex, is penetrated from behind, and has other forms of sex.”

Click here for some NSFW pics. I bet there will be some more former reality stars hitting the soft core porn world.

Ken Warwick, executive producer of “American Idol” says that he understands the Sanjaya obsession and doesn’t think it is harming the show. He knows that this kid makes good TV and I love that the judges have just given up saying anything negative about him. Warwick realizes there may be some people that turn into Idol just to see how bad Sanjaya really is.

“Well, the fact of the matter is that someone on the show getting attention doesn’t really bother me, obviously, He’s still there [on the show], and one of the key things is to keep people interested and he’s certainly doing that. It’s all about communication with the public you know. There’s something in human nature that makes people gravitate to someone who’s good-looking — it’s nature, for goodness sake.”

Ken knows that the Fanjayas are keeping him in the competition and not to worry about Simon leaving the show if Sanjaya wins.

“America normally gets it right in the end. I don’t think — I’m pretty positive that Sanjaya will not be the “American Idol” this year. Simon’s not going anywhere, don’t worry. There is very little hype anybody can do with the vast number of votes that we get. I think that if every single person that listens to Howard Stern voted, it would still … you know, the gap above and below Sanjaya is so big, that it wouldn’t affect the outcome at all.”

Even though a lot of people think that “Vote for the Worst” and Howard Stern are keeping Sanjaya in the compeition Ken realizes that when you have that many people voting really it depends on who America is choosing. I’m not sure I believe all that after the various voting scandals that have gone on. Sanjaya makes good TV also I know a lot of boys that hope that his hot sister jumps up and down a few more times after he sings. I really hope he takes advantage of that free “KFC Bowls” for life thing. Those things are good

I love it when pics like these turn up. She was also a Hooters girl, ya know.

[source]

After the season finale of The Hills, the ever-diligent folks over at Radar Online took it upon themselves to call up Heidi Montag’s mother in BFE, Colorado, and get her take on Heidi’s current situation. She swears that Heidi and Lauren are still the best of friends, Spencer is really a very good guy and Heidi is a very smart and responsible young woman who will soon release an album — to which she has written all the lyrics. OMG I can’t wait. If this album ever sees the light of day, I will honestly be the first in line. It will be hilarious.

And, look, I can tell you from experience that if anyone has a strong grasp on the life of a 21-year-old girl living in L.A., it’s her mother living in another state. Lord knows I told mine everything, with total candor. Except for anything that might upset her, worry her, interest her, or in any way motivate her to stop sending me money, or, God forbid, come out to visit. You can read the entire interview here, but I’ve picked out some highlights.

On Spencer: Heidi and Spencer are all about the show. Spencer has given quite a lot of himself to MTV, and they aren’t afraid to put themselves out there. But he’s not a bad guy at all—that’s all in the magic of editing. In fact, he adores Heidi and waits on her hand and foot, and she’d be with nothing less. Of course now it looks like, ew, why would you pick a slime bag over [Conrad], America’s sweetheart? But it’s not the reality. If things were the way they looked on TV, I would come to L.A. and take Spencer out myself.

On Heidi’s fame: No one is surprised. Even as a little girl in a small town she had this energy that has followed her. She took acting classes—not that The Hills is acting!—and would always want to be more grown up. We would let her carry glasses of wine around the house, but they would always be on her nightstand untouched the next day. She just liked the feeling of being older.

On Heidi’s future: As you know, she is recording an album and writing her own lyrics. And she has such a pretty little voice, I think it will be good. The third season is going to revolve more around that, I think. Spencer is helping with the record because he has connections, but if they broke up tomorrow, she would still be able to go on with the connections she has made out in L.A. Really, if you dropped Heidi off in the middle of nowhere she would still be happy.

Whatever Kim Kardashian did to her former “publicist,” I hope she does it again. This is awesome. Jonathan Jaxson — who, if I am researching this correctly, is a 23-year-old gay kid who’s appeared on ever reality TV or talk show he can squirm his way onto — has started his own celebrity gossip blog with a bang, putting Kim Kardashian on blast, touching on such subjects as Paris, Britney, that sex tape, and black men. I’d summarize, but it’s really best if you just read his own words. You can check out his Flash-tastic website here (there’s no permalink for this text, but you can find it under the “JJ’s Blog” tab. I’ve bolded what I feel are the best parts.

Cheers to a new chapter in my life. Blogging. Celebrity blogging. Fuck selling it to others, I am going to type it all here for you to see. This is from a, now, former publicist who at one point or another worked with these stars in some manner.

I guess this is what happens when you threaten someone legally and are bitter of some of those in the entertainment industry.

04.02.2007
KIM KARDASHIAN

This is one woman who has completely used and abused my contacts and work ethic. She will remain semi-famous until Hollywood decides to focus their attention on the real women of Hollywood who work hard for what they have…

I guess you get the spotlight you have always wanted when your:
1) Rich
2) Dad’s Famous
3) You sleep with celebrities.
4) Tag along with some of Hollywood’s hottest and #5
5) Release a sex tape and having someone act on your behalf as your publicist to Page 6 the same day as if you really didn’t know!!!

THE DISH ON PARIS AND KIM
The wannabe is Kim Kardashian, known as Paris Hilton’s former BFF. That is right, former. As this former gal-pal was tired of Paris Hilton’s ways and wanted her own spotlight. Kim claims to not have ever partied with drugs or alcohol, however I have pictures to prove otherwise. She claims that is all that Paris did and it got real old not only partying with her at all times, but being her ’sidekick.’

Most recently Kim was to attend several fashion shows for LA Fashion Week. I had a client attending several events and asked Kim if she were interested in attending and/or walking. Kim said ’sure!’ I booked several shows for her to attend and/or walk, with in the end being asked to ensure her that Paris Hilton would not be showing up to any of them. Kim had not spoken to Paris in three weeks at this time and didn’t want any sort of blow up in public.

While Kim was in NYC during Fashion Week, this past February, she spoke to me regarding the relationship she has with Paris and the fact she is trying to get away from her. She said she was scared that there will be a backlash when she is about to launch her own likeness.

Either way, Kim will never have the same power Ms. Hilton has. I doubt Paris Hilton’s life is hurting without Kim. It is amazing Paris has so much power in the Hollywood circle, especially over these budding socialites.

Much much more after the jump! Thanks to Cele|bitchy for the heads-up.

(more…)

I don’t know much about this girl but I know I love her. She did all those Scary Movie sequels, but she also did Lost in Translation (where her ditzy starlet character was apparently based on Sofia Coppola’s arch-nemesis, Cameron Diaz) and Just Friends (where she played a ditzy starlet again — but she does it sooo well!!!). Anyway, she just filed for divorce from her husband of three years, “actor” Ben Indra. What do you know him from? Nothing, kids. Nothing at all. And with three movies slated to come out in 2007 alone, you can understand why perhaps Anna wanted to try something new. The two have no children together. Faris is being repped in the divorce proceedings by Laura Wasser, who I guess has some free time on her hands now that Britney’s divorce case is winding down.

Hi guys.

The Beet is under seige and I had to gulp down 3.5 hours of Grindhouse last night which means this will be reeking of brevity. Here’s some random thoughts on last night’s Idol.

Please God, let’s put Ton’ Bennett out to pasture. He’s a billion years old and everything he says is laced with old man vibe. “Just sing the words,” “Make sure you hit the words,” “Don’t try for any other notes than I did.” Yawn and a half. The only spark he provided was liking Sanjaya and commenting on the Iraq war. Yowsers. I know I was interested in TB’s thoughts on that front.

Simon needs to fight back with the audience more. People are rude. Stop booing him! If you love everyone you’re hardly objective eh? Also, if everyone is good the show gets really fucking boring. We’re almost there right now. Without Sanjaya, Phil and Haley to watch we’d just be watching a decent pop concert. And frankly I don’t want to watch a decent pop concert.

Winners last night:
Lakisha, Jordin, Chris (not Sligh, the one that hasn’t been voted off):
Lakisha held down the anchor position and rocked it. Jordin, for her young age, seems remarkably composed. Chris, as annoying as he can be, is catching up to Blake at an alarming rate.

Losers: Everyone else.
Haley is pretty much being set up to pose for Playboy. Blake’s voice is composed of one note. Sanjaja trying to sing? Not fun! Melinda is boring. Good, but TiVo fast forward ready. Glockson is fading at the very point she needs to be crushing it. If it weren’t for Haley she’d be sticking out like a hooker with a heart of gold.

That’s all for now. If I’m scheduled to handle the vote-off I’ll do better. Some sort of Haiku for Phil is in order, he’s about to head of to that giant penis-head in the sky place.

Sometimes you need a pick me up, don’t you? This may be the worst movie ever, in the history of the world, and it has Rosie pretending to be mentally retarded.

Only, actually, she doesn’t even do it very well. She just throws on this crazy fozzy “wocka” accent and calls it good. Enjoy!